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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if/why SIL takes this medication....(could be long)

141 replies

BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 21:43

MIL told me and DH today that SIL has been taking methotrexate chemotherapy tablets for her psoriasis for about 7 years and this is why her immune system is fucked.

SIL is well known for being a total drama queen at the best of times, and if she has contact with one of DCs who has a little sniffle, then SIL will almost definitely contract full blown pneumonia and need to go to hospital, and be signed off work for at least 4 weeks. She works in a shop, and MIL is adamant that she is far too ill to be at work at all.

Every illness going, SIL develops, only with more/worse symptoms than anyone else.

For quite some time now, DH and I have been a bit Hmm about how ill she actually is, and find it all a bit unbelievable tbh.

I googled the methotrexate and Wikipedia told me that one of the most common side effects of it is very dry skin and a sore rash - which sounds a bit like psoriasis to me Confused

It also may be relevant to point out here that until recently she worked in a school where she would have come into contact with lots of sick children.

I'm asking here as I know how much traffic goes through here, it's not really an AIBU, more looking for clarification I think......

There's a big back history with SIL, so I can't ask her directly.......

So what do you think??

OP posts:
Original poster
BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 22:45

EllieQ read my post a 22.27 it answers your bemusedness of 22.30 :)

The drama queen thing goes right back to child hood. If she grazed her knee she would walk herself down to the minor a&e unit for stitches. In some respects it sounds a little bit like the boy who cried wolf :(

Chickenpox is one that caused a big row three years ago when she came to us for Xmas with the rest of the family.
Dd2 at the time was 16 weeks old. A 12 weeks old, she had chickenpox. Not a horrendous case, but bad enough for a 3 month old baby. We happened to be talking abut this over Xmas dinner and SIL got very shouty and nasty with me for not telling her the chickenpox virus was in the house.

Now forgive me, but if she's on good enough terms with us to accept an invite to Xmas lunch, then maybe she would have had the foresight to ask about illness beforehand if she knew her immune system was that susceptible.
DH and I, until today, never understood why she was so angry with us, particularly as dd had no blisters left, healed or otherwise. If she had explained, however briefly, at the time, I would have apologised for not letting her know and reassured her as much as I could that we were not infectious.

SIL knows we have 3 DCs, so I think she should be able to ask about their health to protect herself?

The other example of her being shouty happened at dd2s 2nd birthday party last year.
Dsis bought her 4 DCs, one of whom had a rash on his tummy. It was a heat rash, but SIL went mental shouting at my dsis, dbil and dm. Dsis is an ex cancer nurse, dbil is a GP. They know better than to bring their DCs out if they are ill - they're also pretty good at diagnosing rashes in their DCs.
MILs late husband was also present and going through treatment for pancreatic cancer and also suffering low immune system. He was ok with the situation. We were outside in the garden.

Don't mean to drip feed here, I am trying to bf ds as I type this.

OP posts:
Dawndonna · 28/12/2012 22:46

methotrexate is quite common for psoriatic arthritis.
I don't personally take it, but have and do sometimes suffer from debilitating psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. This weather is particularly bad, get a patch on my knuckles and then watch them crack and bleed every fucking time I move my hands. Great.

FushiaFernica · 28/12/2012 22:48

I also can see why you have doubts about your SIL's illnesses, you didn't have the full facts. I had no idea that psoriasis could be so severe and that it would require the taking of such strong medication. At least you got the answer you needed here, sounds like an extremely tough relationship with your DH's family for you.

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/12/2012 22:49

OP - you were ignorant about the condition. I mean that in the lacking knowledge sense not as an insult.

You've been bombarded with information. You have graciously taken it and said ok maybe I jumped to conclusions there.

You don't have to justify why you assumed your SIL was being a drama queen or why you don't like her. Because even if you did like her...you still wouldn't have known much about the condition.

Seriously,don't sweat it.

I know I for one,was a tad touchy in my initial replies.

Original poster
BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 22:49

Nodecentnickname
Yes I was disbelieving of the seriousness of her illness, which is why I posted on here, to get the knowledge that is not always correct on google and the like.

I'm very glad I posted here and got the first hand information from people who do know what they are taking about.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 28/12/2012 22:53

Going to get jumped on but,.....

The SIL has a history of going OTT about illness, so it is just as likely that the SIL has googled this drug (or heard about it when working with sick children) and decided to tell everyone she is taking it, making out she has the debilitating condition when she hasnt.

Heard of Munchausens? Hypochondria? Delusions? Personality Disorders?

They are all possibilities too, and I wonder if the OPs questioning of this isnt so much that she thinks no one would be prescribed this drug (I hadnt realised what a horrible condition it is either), but whether the SIL actually has it or has just adopted it as her latest drama "illness".

whiteandyelloworchid · 28/12/2012 22:53

oh dear elf, time to turn over a new leaf in the new year eh

never judge someone for illness, its not kind or nice
and noone every knows how someone else feels
noone
even if they seem fine

Original poster
BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 22:53

Do you know, I don't dislike the woman. I don't know her well enough to make that kind of decision. Yes I definitely jumped to conclusions, based on the little knowledge we had.

I really am not a bad reason, and will gladly be educated about this. It is a bit of a crap and strained relationship with the ILs for both DH and I - he doesn't really like them very much and MIL can be quite toxic at times, however, if we can offer some support, then we will - even if that is only by not visiting if DCs aren't 100% fit and well.

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Original poster
BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 22:57

Bogeyface that is one of the conclusions we jumped to yes.

I suppose that's why I asked if/why she is taking it.

Another thing that has come to mind from reading the google page, is that it says alcohol should be avoided while on these talents, yet SIL is ALWAYS at the front of the queue for wine, vodka etc - is that feasible?

OP posts:
Original poster
BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 22:59

Tablets, not talents! Stupid autocorrect!!

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 28/12/2012 22:59

OP -I really don't think you are a bad person. I can understand why you were a bit Hmm given the history there.

This has always been quite an emotive subject for me because I grew up seeing my parent suffering with it,both physically and mentally. Not least because of the states and comments. I'm making them sound like elephant man here,but truly when it was bad,you wouldn't believe how rude and unkind people were.

As I said,from quite I young age I was quite angry and confrontational with people about it. I imagine the people I overheard never forgot the child who turned around and hissed "THAT is my parent. it's a skin condition. YOU are being rude and ignorant". Grin

Bogeyface · 28/12/2012 23:01

You saying your MIL can be toxic is quite telling. She has made a big deal out your SIL "illnesses" and I wonder if this is your SIL's way of keeping her mums love, rather than distancing herself as your DH has.

Google Faking illness and/or pregnancy and you will be blown away by what some people will do to keep others in their lives. :(

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/12/2012 23:02
  • I said elephant man as a turn of phrase.

It's obviously not okay to stare/make comments about anyone regardless of the disability

Blush
Original poster
BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 23:03

Good for you for sticking up for your parents Alisvolatpropiis

I'm first to admit to being ignorant not now eh? about the condition, but I'm hopefully not ignorant on a personal level, with comments etc. that's just mean :(

OP posts:
Ineedmorepatience · 28/12/2012 23:03

I dont normally come on here but just wanted to say that chicken pox can be extremely dangerous/life threatening to a person with a compromised immune system, which your SIL will have if taking methotrexate.

You cant buy that stuff online!!!

Original poster
BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 23:06

You can fake pregnancy????? Really???

I couldn't have faked any of my 3. I was bloody enormous

OP posts:
Original poster
BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 23:08

ineedmorepatience I understand how dangerous chicken pox can be. What I don't get is why MIL (who knew dd had chickenpox) didn't say anything to either us or SIL before coming for Xmas. Confused

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FushiaFernica · 28/12/2012 23:10

I remember someone at work's dd faking a pregnancy, then getting really pregnant-it was most confusing!

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/12/2012 23:12

Babylon I didn't mean to imply I thought you were! I was just explaining why I jumped down your throat in my initial replies.

To be fair,you have been really gracious about it Smile. Most OP's would have never come back after the replies you got!

Lonecatwithkitten · 28/12/2012 23:14

I think one of the reasons you haven't heard about it before is that immune mediated conditions are often fairly difficult for non-sufferers to understand.
I take antimalarials permanently for an autoimmune condition most people find that very difficult to understand. I also have pernicious anaemia low B12 sounds innocent enough, but without the correct treatment it will kill me.
Often immune mediated disease seems very superficial and a bit flaky, but it is an iceberg what the on looker sees is only one third of the problem.

Bogeyface · 28/12/2012 23:15

When did your MIL first mention her taking this drug? HOw did she say it? Did she say "Well of course SIL has been on XX for 7 years..." or "OMG she has been on it for SEVEN YEARS!!!!!!!!" as if she has only just found out?

EllieQ · 28/12/2012 23:15

It was the googling on the way back from MIL's that bemused me, not the posting in AIBU - made you sound as though you were so desperate to check what MIL said that you couldn't even wait until you got home Smile

I appreciate that you have apologised and explained you were looking for information, but it does come across as very sceptical and disbelieving. I would hate to think that my inlaws might think I was faking having a disease/ taking medication, especially when the symptoms may not seem severe to them.

MULLYPEEP · 28/12/2012 23:15

Also wanted to add that if you are unlucky enough to have a condition that needs treatment with methotrexate then you might reasonably be quite sensitive to health issues in a way others may construe as being drama queenish. It is crap having a chronic condition.

Original poster
BabylonElf · 28/12/2012 23:21

Mil mentioned today for the first time that SIL has been taking these tablets for over 7 years. It was said in a blasé way really, like she was telling me she had cornflakes for breakfast.
No mention of regular blood tests or hospital appointments though. Though she wouldn't necessarily tell us that would she?

Ellie it's a long drive from mils, DH was driving. Google worked faster than mumsnet on the dodgy 3G connection I got Wink

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