11 years ago when I was 18 and very silly dh (then dp) persuaded me to get an £8000 loan out for his mum as she had a bad credit rating but needed one to pay loan sharks.
Being silly and in love I did and she refused to make the repayments, dh and I split up and I had to raise dd1 with virtually no money as I had to pay the loan.I went to small claims court and mil had to pay it back (but it took years.
We now have 4 dcs and the money situation with dhs family worse than ever.dhs brother owes us 200 pounds his sister 390 pounds, his mum has borrowed here there and everywhere from dh-how much I don't know as its all so secretive.dh works for his brother and some weeks does not get all his wages.I am in control of all the bills now as I cannot trust him and we have no money Iam really struggling and we never have treats and it is really difficult.
Dh family on the other hand ALWAYS have nice stuff-hair/nails done, sil planning a huge expensive wedding for next year and a honeymoon yet she won't pay back what she owes us? I keep asking and texting and phoning even 5 pounds a week as thatd buy a pack of nappies I'm that desperate but they ignore me.
The last straw came today when we got a debt recovery letter for dh.his mum had opened a catalogue in his name (from when he lived at home) had not paid it so now we have got the letter.I have always paid my bills and don't want to be blacklisted.
I asked dh to phone mil as its her debt she has to pay.He lost his temper saying he will not fall out with his family no matter how much they owe us.
I tried to reason with him saying that because of them me and the dcs are going without its just not fair but he will not tell his mum to pay he says she has no money etc etc.but WE have no money I cannot make him see that they are taking the piss out of him.
I'm so angry I told him to choose me and dcs or his family I can't do this any more.
He said Iam out of order making him choose and trying to tell him he can't be friends with his family he cannot see that they are just using him and he would rather see his wife and kids go without.
AIBU?
To make dh choose-me or his mother?
ariane5 · 28/12/2012 16:18
Bless you op my face was like this 
reading your post.
You deserve so much more than this, please be strong.
God I just want to give you a cuddle, I don't care if its unmumsnetty you can all stare and tut at me 
DON'T do anything until you get a separate account, gather as much documentation as possible (bank records etc) of how your DH and his family have been abusing your trust and get your ducks in a row. these people have already shown you their true colours so you know they are arable of nasty behaviour - and you want to be prepared to tackle any custody and access disputes.
I was going to suggest counselling but your DH is being so inappropriate.....I think you need to start making preparations.
Sorry your in this position 
"Counselling wouldn't work dh is so loyal to his family he will never change, he would just make empty promises to keep me quiet.He works for his brother so he will never tell them he wants his money back as he doesn't want to fall out with them.No part of his life seems to be independant from them it is a horribly unhealthy situation. "
Sadly you have answered your own question. You don't need any of us to tell you that you need to leave him and stick to it (or rather kick him out). The fact that you have made provisions like not having joint accounts and not having him as a joint tennant says it all. You don't trust him. Do you really want to live for the next 50 or so years like this?
He isn't going to change. He isn't going to suddenly put his wife and children before his freeloading family, you really do need to get rid and look to a future without him and his awful family.
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