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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Goddamn bloody Facebook announcements & goddamn bloody families

144 replies

discodolly · 27/12/2012 22:12

I'll keep this short and sweet....My nephew was born yesterday, no name or details given just a text from bro saying all well & he'll call. Didn't hear anything this morn so called at lunch, no answer, which is no bother as know how newborns are, so left a message asking name, weight, usual stuff, when ok to visit. Haven't heard a dicky bird all day, just logged onto fb to find an announcement with all the details inc pics. Am I or am I not being unreasonable to be absolutely fuming? And to top it off the babies name is virtually identical to my child? :+(

OP posts:

cees · 27/12/2012 23:43

YANBU

He should have told you, you are family so it was knobish for him to announce to bloody facebook before telling his family the usual details.

blueraincoat · 27/12/2012 23:44

The part where he named his child a virtually identical name to yours, how identical are we talking? This bit would piss me off the most I think.

NathanDetroit · 27/12/2012 23:44

When my nephew was born I got a lovely text message saying "you are now an auntie!" and all the details. While I wouldn't expect this, I was definitely v appreciative to get a special message. My nephew is a v special person in my life and means a lot more to me than most of the people on anyone's FB. My oldest friend also sent me a pic of her new babies when they were each born with the details before it went on FB. I think it's hierarchies of information - certainly I put very little that's personal on mine.

chrismissymoomoomee · 27/12/2012 23:46

But whats the difference between reading it on a text on your phone and reading it on FB?

CatchingMockingbirds · 27/12/2012 23:48

Not everyone has their classmate from year 1 or the woman they worked with 8 years ago on fb, I've only got close friends and family on mine so what I post isn't seen by the whole workd. You can also group all your fb friends now too (into groups of family, colleagues, old school friends, etc) so you can post personal announcements to reach all your family at once without another 100 odd people being told at the same time.

TalkativeJim · 27/12/2012 23:49

Maybe OP's brother and his wife don't agree that his sister is more important than some of their friends, and don't agree with the idea that they somehow owe it to certain people, who they may not consider themselves the closest to, to let them know details first?

Maybe get see FB as a useful way of not discriminating between levels of friends/family as well as a way of saving themselves tapping out 500 texts when they've just had a baby.

FWIW many of my friends come way before my family on the priority list - they know me better and mean more to me.

TwoFacedCows · 27/12/2012 23:51

what are the names of the virtually identical children?

3monkeys3 · 27/12/2012 23:52

I'm another one who really dislikes the term entitled. It just seems to be reeled out every time someone dares to suggest they may have expected something to be a certain way. FFS, are we all just supposed to accept every little slight, rudeness, unmet expectation just in case we are seen as entitled on Mumsnet?!

OP - YANBU. I find Facebook really horrid sometimes. It's done this strange thing to communication, whereby it is so very easy to communicate with people but all the effort is all gone and it is so impersonal. My sister found out about the birth of my 3rd child via Facebook - it was a crossed wires situation where dh told my mum and assumed she would pass the news on to my dsis, but she didn't as she thought dh would tell her iyswim. I was mortified. Absolutely mortified.

KRITIQ · 28/12/2012 00:07

Back in the olden days (maybe 5 whole years ago,) people did this really wild thing when they had some important family news to tell other family members and close friends. They picked up the telephone, told them the news, interacted with them in real time - getting and giving a response. It was a really nice thing. They sometimes asked the people they told to tell other people for them, which saved some time but you know, those initial phone calls didn't take hours and hours. No one thought it was too inconvenient.

Back in the even more olden days, sometimes you had to find a pay phone to make the calls because we didn't all have them in our pockets. Sometimes we had to ask people to tell others who didn't have a phone, so they wouldn't feel left out.

I've got to the point where if someone can't pick up the phone or at least send an email or text (that's sent to me, not broadcast on the interwebs,) and only puts something on Facebook (and they know I don't have a Facebook profile,) then I really don't care whether I find out their "news" or not. Christmas card list is getting much shorter :) Means I have more time for the real friends I do have, and that's more important to me.

Sorry to hear what happened and yes, yanbu.

CatsRule · 28/12/2012 00:27

I have a very entitled sil...and mil!

When my ds was born the whole world just disappeared and all that mattered to me was those first precious moments with my snuggly newborn and dh...those moments flew by and turned into hours before I knew it...I hadn't even spoken to my lovely wee mum! Dh did though!

Maybe they were just enjoying that time together.

Op, in this situation, in the nicest possible way, are not top priority.

Facebook is not my favourite but even I find myself posting pics with my ds...why...because he is amazing and I am so proud of him...simple as that. I don't do it to piss entitled people off!

Kalisi · 28/12/2012 00:45

Yabu. You received a personal text to say your Nephew was born healthy. That is all I would have expected.It is ridiculous to get possessive over information like this.
Sounds to me like you're more pissed off about what the chosen name is tbh. I really hope this wonderful occasion does not become marred by your reaction OP. Just leave the rant for MN and let it go.

marimama · 28/12/2012 00:50

Yanbu.

Family before facebook.

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/12/2012 00:56

Really can't understand what the OP is on about. She received a text before they put stuff on facebook.

Given that there is a new born in the room why should the world revolve around the OP.

ChristmasSpiritEndorphins · 28/12/2012 00:56

OP, I understand you would like to have had the information first, it makes sense to me.

I was wondering if it is possible that they thought you would try and get them to change the baby's name, so decided to facebook everyone so as to make it "official" of what the baby's name is. and stop any name protest before it began?
I am basing it on your posting " And to top it off the babies name is virtually identical to my child? :+( ".

DoJo · 28/12/2012 01:01

When I was in hospital after giving birth, I was subjected to a constant tirade from the woman in the bed next to me about who had put what on facebook, whose sister had posted a photo before whose brother had seen the baby, who had commented on the photo and who was going to be unfriended because they hadn't 'liked' the update. It fair made me want to pull back the curtain and slap her, so involved was she in the world of facebook that her baby was coming second to the hierarchy of who was allowed to see photos etc and I can understand why some people might want to get their FB announcement in 'first' as it were to pre-empt anyone else posting details of their baby online before they get the chance to.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/12/2012 01:29

OP... given that you don't like trite on facebook... why were you on there looking at the announcement? I don't like trite on facebook, I wouldn't have been logged in and would have been none the wiser. I would have waited for a reply to my phone message.

You're his sister; now he has a child you're relegated I'm afraid. That's how it is.

misterwife · 28/12/2012 07:34

The anger comes from the unfulfilled promise to call. I expect if DB had called and then posted on FB, there would be no issue. But he said he would call and didn't.

So YANBU, but he'll be busy and forgetful at the moment (obviously). So let this one slide!

SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 28/12/2012 07:50

"FB is not the medium to use until you've told the family/people who really give a shit."

Exactly, Hassled.

Zara1984 · 28/12/2012 08:03

YABU

I understand why you're upset, but you need to get the hell over it. Different people have different expectations. Your DB has different exprctations. Your DB and his wife have just had a baby for god's sake, their whole world has been upside down.

I have a 9 week old DS. I texted siblings with quick details of baby's arrival but then put a pic and announcement on FB. The reason? I was FUCKING SHATTERED and DH was busy attending my needs and that of our baby. Just because in the old days you had to call all and sundry doesn't mean it was better. FB made it quicker and easier to share pictures of my lovely boy so DH and I could spend time with our new son. I do not give a rats arse whether my methods pissed anyone off when I was trying to figure out how to care for my baby.

It's not about you OP, it really isn't. I know you think this is an event for the whole family, but really it's just about your DB and his wife. Is the fact that you didn't IMMEDIATELY find out info about your nephew going to impact on your relationship with him? Or what he thinks of you? No.

Get over yourself.

BerthaTheMangerBurglar · 28/12/2012 08:18

What TalkativeJim said. Perhaps they did go and phone the people who are most important in their lives, to talk to them properly. Perhaps the people they are next-closest too got a text message. And the ones after that got Facebook.

There is nothing wrong with someone feeling that their relationships with friends are more important/better/closer than their relationships with family - in fact I am always impressed by people who are able to recognise this.

OP, if you hadn't noticed that you're not that close to your brother, I understand why you might be hurt. But fuming? No.

Or perhaps your brother and his wife are tired and enjoying their new baby and not thinking about you? Also entirely reasonable!

havingastress · 28/12/2012 08:19

My DD is 8 weeks old, so this is fairly recent to me.

We told our parents first.

Then we announced it on FB.

Sorry. But it was far less stressful for me to do this, than to have to scroll through my phone and send texts to all my DH's siblings, my siblings etc etc.

Perhaps your parents should have told you?

YABU!!!! Oh. and I can confirm, as a new mum I'm living in a fog mainly (which is just starting to clear!). I really really didn't think too deeply into what I was doing those first few days. You were bloody lucky to get a fb update!!!

EasilyBored · 28/12/2012 08:23

Would you like to be stuck on a ward with someone regaling two dozen people with the story of the birth and the baby's details on the phone one. After. Another. After. Another on the phone? I bloody wouldn't.

Maybe the OP isn't actually that close to get brother and SIL? There are certainly people on FB that I am closer to than some of my family, that's just life.

teacher123 · 28/12/2012 08:30

Well we ended up having to announce on Facebook far earlier than we wanted to because my sil posted 'I'm so excited to be an aunty' before we'd even told some of my family! We have loads of mutual friends, so both DH and I were bombarded with texts asking for details. We decided it was best just to put the news up and then go to bed!

Zara1984 · 28/12/2012 08:44

Y y to those who say perhaps the OP's DB does not consider her to be "first in line" for key info. Though I reckon it's equally likely they just forgot!

DH and DMIL (staying with us at the time) actually were so overwhelmed themselves that they forgot to even tell DFIL and other close family that the baby was born!!! I did it the following morning by text when I asked if they'd done it - then i did the FB message. They all completely understood because I'd just had a baby after all.....

easilybored someone did this on my ward!!! Phone call after phone call after phone call late at night - the midwife came and told her to keep quiet!!! Bloody annoying.

Congrats havingastress - hope all is going well for you! Where does the time go, eh??

DuddlePuck · 28/12/2012 10:13

YANBU. I'd have been a bit pissed off if I was close with the brother.

But different families have different priorities, when my DN was born, direct family were called, then the new parents left bloody FB alone for a few days and ignored all texts.

We are all close and I was waiting nervously with my in laws as I was just too excited to wait on my own, so I found out when they did (but was next on the list to call IYSWIM) I'd have been very hurt to have had to wait several days to find out the news on fb.

I just think its sad that people don't want to share this with those who have been closest to them all their lives, before telling the masses on FB, and I think even the members of my extended family that I am fb friends with would be put out to find out 'big news' that way. But can't obviously comment on the OPs relationship with her DB.

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