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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect (D)P to cancel his plans when the DC are ill?

82 replies

woopdiedoo · 27/12/2012 14:32

I don't think IABU but maybe I am.

DD1 has a flu like illness. She is on day 7. We have 2 other DC who have colds but are not nearly as ill as DD1. There is no gas on the meter, the house is fucking freezing, we've run out if basics and I have no money to get these things nor do I want to drag all 3 DCs out to get them.

DP had planned to go out today for a couple of weeks but u had forgotten all about it until he said 'right, I'm off out now', at 11 this morning. I'm so angry with him.

It's not like he never goes out, he was out drinking from 12 noon yesterday and got back at 8.30pm. He tears Xmas like a massive alcohol fest which I can't understand as I'm not a big drinker. He drank all day Xmas eve while I got everything ready for Xmas. He doesn't appreciate how much effort goes into these things. He will also be going out New Year's Eve whilst I am stuck at home.

He works long hours and this is the first time in a long while that he has some time off to spend with us and he is choosing to go out drinking instead. I never go out anymore and I never get a break from the kids.

So AIBU to expect him to stay at home to help me with the DCs or at the very least make sure that we have the things we need so I don't need to drag them to the shops?

OP posts:
Original poster
woopdiedoo · 27/12/2012 14:33

Tears = treats

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/12/2012 14:34

He is being U - not so much because the kids are ill but more for the fact that your house is cold as you cant afford heating and he is spending money on a day out. Seems on that one his priorities are all wrong.

SantasENormaSnob · 27/12/2012 14:37

Wtf Hmm

You have no money for basics and your house is cold yet your partner is on the piss?

You have bigger problems than a poorly dc imo.

dreamingbohemian · 27/12/2012 14:37

YANBU

How could he walk out and leave his sick family in the cold with no food??? FFS.

At the very least he should have got you all sorted first, or watched the kids while you ran out.

ImperialSantaKnickers · 27/12/2012 14:37

So to get this straight, his children are cold and hungry and he's going out on the lash for the third time in four days?

MrsMcEnroe · 27/12/2012 14:38

No YANBU. If you have DCs with colds and flu, he needs to realise that they need to keep warm, so he should get some credit for the gas meter pronto - using the money he'd planned to spend on booze if you can't afford it otherwise. What sort of man goes out boozing while his partner and kids are ill and freezing at home coz they can't afford heating? FFS.

dreamingbohemian · 27/12/2012 14:38

Oh right actually, how is it that you don't have money for food but he's able to go out today?

CajaDeLaMemoria · 27/12/2012 14:38

Did you talk to him about it before he went?

Depending on what he has gone to do, it could have been very rude or inappropriate to cancel at the last minute.

It could also be that he doesn't see what he can do to help...if DD1 has the flu she is most likely in bed, and not much will be helping? And the other two with colds probably don't feel much like doing anything either.

The bit that would bother me is that he has gone out to presumably spend money when you need urgent things. Have you explicitly told him that you need heating/food and can't afford it? Some people can be rubbish at following budgets or using their heads, and he might need to be told outright that you need some money. Text him and ask him to grab bread/a heating top up/etc while he's out?

maddening · 27/12/2012 14:39

Out drinking while his family have no heating and have run out of basic food and not helping with his own sick children - he is vu!

Shakirasma · 27/12/2012 14:39

Your sick kids are stuck in a freezing cold house because you have no money for heating and he goes out spending money on beer?

Seriously, LEave the Bastard.

Gumby · 27/12/2012 14:40

He sounds alcoholic to me

TeaBrick · 27/12/2012 14:41

Another vote for LTB (or kick TB out). He can afford to go out, but his family have no heating? Shock

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2012 14:43

Erm...you don't have enough money for food and to heat the house but he's out drinking again.

You are so not being unreasonable. That is really quite unbelievable.

TheGrinchWhoStoleTweasels · 27/12/2012 14:43

Sorry, I must have misunderstood.

You have no gas, therefore have no heating on and your children are unwell. You have no basics, by this I assume you mean food. You also have no money.

And your partner has gone out getting pissed.

I hope for your own sake you're exaggerating. If not, LTB

ash6605 · 27/12/2012 14:44

Yes I think you are being VU-for staying with a man who neglects his children, it's a form of child abuse and you're just as bad for staying with him

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 27/12/2012 14:45

Thanks for the replies everyone. Glad to hear I'm not BU.

He's gone to a BBQ of all things so I think all alcohol and food are free?

I'm SAHM so I have very little money especially since I bought the Xmas food shop. We can afford food and heat just about but the money is in his account. I just though it would have been nice of him to make sure we were ok before he pissed off out.

I didn't get a chance to speak to him as he caught me off guard. We had a fall out last night about how much time I spend on here so we weren't talking anyway. But I still think he is being selfish.

I agree we have bigger problems. I'm really considering moving to my parents in the new year. This may just be the final straw.

OP posts:
Original poster
woopdiedoo · 27/12/2012 14:47

Sorry, x-posted with further replies. We do have food but no toilet roll, running out of nappies etc.

OP posts:
SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 27/12/2012 14:48

YANBU

He is a useless cock.

You and your children deserve better.

dreamingbohemian · 27/12/2012 14:50

I think it really should be the final straw. I mean, seriously, what the fuck?

He must know there is no heating or food, he's probably punishing you for your row last night. Nice.

FestiveElement · 27/12/2012 14:50

He is being a cock for spending money when you and the dc don't have essentials, he is not being a cock for going out.

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 27/12/2012 14:51

Forgot to say I tried calling but his phone is off/or has no signal. I have no idea when he'll be back either. I'm just so sick and tired of his selfish attitude. He thinks its ok to do as he pleases as he knows I'll be here for the DCs.

OP posts:
SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 27/12/2012 14:51

No, he's a cock for just fucking off out when his 3 children are all sick.

That's not how parents behave.

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 27/12/2012 14:52

I agree dreaming, I think he is punishing me too.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 27/12/2012 14:53

who's name is the house in?
i'd be packing his bags and leaving them on the doorstep for him.

can you borrow off friends/family to get house warm and some food?

MerylStrop · 27/12/2012 14:53

He's being a total arsehole
Get the hell out