AIBU to expect (D)P to cancel his plans when the DC are ill?

[woopdiedoo]

I don't think IABU but maybe I am.

DD1 has a flu like illness. She is on day 7. We have 2 other DC who have colds but are not nearly as ill as DD1. There is no gas on the meter, the house is fucking freezing, we've run out if basics and I have no money to get these things nor do I want to drag all 3 DCs out to get them.

DP had planned to go out today for a couple of weeks but u had forgotten all about it until he said 'right, I'm off out now', at 11 this morning. I'm so angry with him.

It's not like he never goes out, he was out drinking from 12 noon yesterday and got back at 8.30pm. He tears Xmas like a massive alcohol fest which I can't understand as I'm not a big drinker. He drank all day Xmas eve while I got everything ready for Xmas. He doesn't appreciate how much effort goes into these things. He will also be going out New Year's Eve whilst I am stuck at home.

He works long hours and this is the first time in a long while that he has some time off to spend with us and he is choosing to go out drinking instead. I never go out anymore and I never get a break from the kids.

So AIBU to expect him to stay at home to help me with the DCs or at the very least make sure that we have the things we need so I don't need to drag them to the shops?

Don't worry anyfucker - I am at rock bottom with the whole thing. I've started emailing the wedding providers - no way back now.

Use your anger to follow through

and mean it

I'm just doing it all on autopilot right now. I don't really feel angry, just really upset especially as he's left the house about an hour ago to go drinking with his friends again. Another day will all 3 DC on my own. I'm practically a single parent already. Just really hurts to have it confirmed how little we mean to him .

Yes, it hurts. And he is the one hurting you...on purpose.

You need to ask yourself why you even considered marrying this man, bearing his mind this utterly disrespectful behaviour doesn't sound new.

Did you think you could change him ? Thankfully, you have the chance to knock that idea on the head before you marry him. Take it with both hands. Because believe me, if you don't by this time next xmas his mistreatment of you will be worse and your self esteem will be so shot to pieces you will no longer be challenging it.

As you said, practically speaking you're a single parent anyway so why put up with his shit?

I would not only gather paperwork but also start moving any items of value (sentimental or financial) that are yours, or that you have a good claim to, out of the house. That way you don't have the risk of him stopping you taking them and you can also eBay them later on if needsbe. See if you can discreetly make a few trips down to your parents or to a friend's house. Don't expect him to be fair or reasonable about ownership as if has clearly shown he isn't going to be.

Good work on contacting wedding providers. Have a think about what you can sell on to claw back any of the money.

You may not have to pay for the venue etc. if you cancel, but you may lose what you have paid so far. It is very important to keep your credit rating if you can. He will need to pay towards the support of his children and you should look into what benefits you can get asap. Don't wait til you've left.

Others have left similar relationships and give give more detailed advice, but remember he has responsibilities towards you and the children, married or not.

how you doing today, OP ?