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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:

Original poster

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 15:40

Can't believe the amount of people on here who wouldn't be bothered about elderly and frail parents having to bus or taxi themselves to hospitals. Nice

OP posts:

crashdoll · 27/12/2012 15:44

Atthewelles That is below the belt. What do you expect us to do, offer to carry them on our backs? Get a car in case an elderly relative needs a hosp appointment? What about those who work FT and cannot take time off work? Or live far away?

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 15:44

Look, my MIL is elderly and frail.

Me and DH work.

She gets the patient transport minibus.

It collects her and drops her off.

She also enjoys the companionship of the other elderly folk on it.

KristinaM · 27/12/2012 15:44

I'm a driver and I blardy LOVE non drivers. They leave more space on the road for me.they never use disabled or parent and child places in the supermarket car park.they don't park dangerously on the pavement outside the school or nursery.

They keep the public transport system going. They walk or cycle more so are probably more healthy and save the NHS money. They don't pollute the environment or produce CO2. They notice all the potholes on the road and pavement and complain to the Council. They campaign for things like cycle ways and safe walking routes to school.

(((((( ))))))) and xxxxxxx to you all. Have a and on me. Cheers !

SugarplumMary · 27/12/2012 15:44

LettyAshton you could be talking about my MIL there. She can't believe my Mother drives.

FIL had more serious reasons ? serious accident while he was learning and soon after a sibling killed in a traffic accident. He goes to pieces when he gets behind a wheel.

I was lectured by a non-driving friend a few years ago about how she didn't see the need for anyone to have their own car.

That is just rude. It's also wrong - some places are impossible to live if you don't drive.

We don't drive so we are walking distance to town, 3 + miles, and near a good bus route. I refused to live in a small hamlet with no school or GP and no buses and it was my IL who couldn't understand my reasoning even though we had young DC. We are more rural than we'd like - edge of rural town - but we cope.

whistlestopcafe :Or perhaps they just don't realise that places that are round the corner in the car can take all day to get to by bus.

That is not uncommon IME.

WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 15:45

Oh dear fucking God!

No-one's saying they're 'not bothered' about elderly and frail relatives getting to hospital.

Just that you're one nugget short of a Happy Meal if you think that's a good reason for any non driver to go to the expense of buying a car, if they're perfectly happy without one.

And not all elderly people are frail.

whistlestopcafe · 27/12/2012 15:45

It made me sad when my sister and mum had to get public transport to get to their hospital appointments. It makes me sad that my Dad has to do the same and he buys his shopping from an expensive 7-11 type shop because he can't get to the large supermarkets because of mobility issues. But what can I do? Get a loan to buy a car and drive 250 miles once a week to help him?

insancerre · 27/12/2012 15:45

Atthewelles That's why it is nice for drivers to offer non-drivers lifts.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 15:45

Does your LA not do patient transport then OP?

usualsuspect3 · 27/12/2012 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lueji · 27/12/2012 15:47

You're right, Roseforme

There are always exceptions to the rules.

But even where there's only one taxi driver, surely it can be booked in advance?

But also, as a driver, it doesn't bother me too much to offer lifts to non-drivers, particularly where there are more difficult circumstances.
They are usually reciprocated somehow.

Particularly elderly relatives, usually they are the kind that have done things for us when we were children. So, only fair to help them.
Regardless of siblings or not.

cinnamonnut · 27/12/2012 15:48

Merry Christmas to you too KristinaM

cinnamonnut · 27/12/2012 15:48

Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to step onto a bus, or other mode of public transport, without melting

WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 15:49

I'm seeing my 80yr old Dad tomorrow, I might ask him if he thinks I should buy a car in case he has a dentist appointment next week or the cat needs a trip to the vets.

I can see his bemused face now...too polite to ask me if I've finally taken leave of my senses

Original poster

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 15:49

No They don't Salmo. My mum would have to get public transport and would arrive home absolutely knackered. No way would I allow that and I know my sister wouldn't be happy about it either.

Worra Do you always pick 'n' mix the bits of posts you wish to argue with as opposed to taking in the entire point?

OP posts:

KristinaM · 27/12/2012 15:50

< chinks glasses with cinnamon>

LuluMai · 27/12/2012 15:50

Some of us simply are incapable of doing it! Why do you assume everyone is able to?

crashdoll · 27/12/2012 15:52

Atthewelles What if you and your sister both worked FT? Or lived far away? Or had other responsibilities e.g. disabled child? Shit happens. That's why there's hospital transport/taxis etc.

flow4 · 27/12/2012 15:52

Salmo, hospital transport is very variable around the country and not reliable or pleasant in many places. My terminally ill dad had to use it once (before I had passed my driving test), and it (a) picked him up at 8:45 for an 11:30 appointment, (b) left him waiting for 2 hours after his appointment before collecting him to take him home, and (c) altogether meant he had a 6 hour round trip for a 15 minute appointment (and a journey that would have taken about 1.5 hrs by car, including waiting time) and missed his lunch. Not nice when you're dying. :( After that, my brother or I went with him in a taxi, until I passed my driving test...

WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 15:53

Honestly OP I've taken the entire point but I don't see a single good reason here for any 'normal' (and by normal I mean non lift scrounging) non driver to buy themself a car, and add to the traffic and mayhem that's already out there!

I've lived here nearly 18yrs and there are neighbours who I have never seen walking...not even to the local shop which is a 4 minute walk.

They're all obsessed with cars and I think some of them unhealthily so.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 15:53

Oh, my apologies.

It was my understanding that hospital transport for elderly or disabled patients was a standard thing everywhere!

Sounds like we are very lucky here then.

LineRunner · 27/12/2012 15:54

Yeah, that's right, OP, I don't give a shit about frail, elderly people. You know that about me by the miracle of petrol fume inhalation, I presume.

Original poster

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 15:55

crashdoll we do both work fulltime and, where possible, my mother will get to the hospital without needing a lift. But sometimes she's just not able to or the hospital stipulate that a particular test will require that she be driven home afterwards. There are lots and lots of situations, particularly as parents get older. where it is really helpful to have a few drivers around to help out.

OP posts:

Tuppence2 · 27/12/2012 15:56

I don't drive and no one has to go out of their way to collect me or drop me off. I live on a regular bus route, and if, for whatever reason, I cannot get a bus to somewhere I need to be, I will get a taxi. I NEVER rely on people to give me lifts, and even when people offer (like a colleague who lives about 5 mins away from me and has offered me lifts home in the bad weather) I will usually say no, and still get the 2 buses home that I get every day! OR, if she does give me a lift, I will get her to drop me off on her way home, and make my own way from there, home.

It really winds me up when drivers tar all non-drivers with the same brush. We are not all entitled, demanding, self centred people who expect everyone else to run around after us! I don't care if you drive so why do you care that I don't?!
It is also not my problem that you choose to drive on a night out and therefore cannot drink... You have the choice to drive or not, either way I will choose to drink or not to drink and still get a taxi home, you driving does not have a bearing on my ride home, because I will still get a taxi. It is your choice, therefore your problem. If you don't want to be "designated driver" don't bloody drive on a night out! If you do choose to drive, and offer lifts, don't play the martyr all night, it is petty and pathetic!

ZenNudist · 27/12/2012 15:56

Yanbu, my dsis and BIL can't drive as a result they almost never come and visit us, they are too tight to learn/run a car plus they are too tight to have any place in which we stay if we visit. At Christmas we dragged our dc over to where they live and had to go out for food as we couldn't stay in their house ( I digress). Anyway it's annoying as we not only have to run them about if we are visiting them but also when they visit us. She works for the nhs and has said before its better that they pay for her to get about by taxi as if she drive she would have to pay for her own transport! Cheeky.

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