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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:

LineRunner · 27/12/2012 15:07

Do you only mind factoring in non-driving, though, where it's non-related to disability or financial reasons?

Do you make your friends take tests on this beforehand?

FestiveElement · 27/12/2012 15:10

Salmotrutta, in theory, you are right. But some people don't like to say no and don't like to appear like they are being selfish if they don't offer. I'd have thought any decent bloke would feel obliged to offer a woman a lift home if its dark and the public transport is either non existent meaning she has to walk a fair distance alone, or is infrequent meaning that she would have to wait at the train station or bus stop alone.

It's just being gentlemanly, and I like that about my DH. I just feel for him when I know he's had enough of driving but then feels like the right thing to do would be to give a lift.

WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 15:10

Dontmind I see what you mean but it would have to be very remote to be unreachable by a taxi from the nearest train station.

whistlestopcafe · 27/12/2012 15:12

If I started a thread saying that all car owners are a pain in the arse the consensus would be that I am being unreasonable.

If you feel put upon leave your car at home and ask someone else for a lift for a change.

This thread struck a chord with me because two of my antenatal friends arranged a meet up next week with the children at a family friendly cafe. This morning I received a text saying that the venue has changed and the meet up will be at a museum 10 miles away which is not accessible by public transport. They know damn well that I can't get there. I replied saying I hope you have a nice time but I can't get there so won't be coming. One of them has replied saying "that's a real shame, ds was really looking forward to seeing your ds, you cancelled last time too!"

Yes I cancelled last time because you changed the venue to a remote country pub that I can't get to!

FunnysFuckingFreezing · 27/12/2012 15:13

there's a whole lot of around today usual. I think it's the post Christmas come down.

FWIW I rarely offer anyone a lift because basically it's a PITA and I am too shellfish.

cinnamonnut · 27/12/2012 15:13

Why did they change it whistlestopcafe? Seems pointless as well as unfair.

BunFagFreddie · 27/12/2012 15:14

Whilst OP did write 'Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA.'

A great many people only choose to disclose their health issues and financial issues to certain people. If you know a PITA non driver, they might just prefer it if you didn't know about their illness etc.

Original poster

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 15:15

I think I'd take the hint Whistle

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 15:15

Festive- my DH is a good sort too but he makes up his own mind about offering lifts and whatnot. If he offers I don't begrudge it.

Why would I?

It's his choice. What with him being a grown man and all.

FunnysFuckingFreezing · 27/12/2012 15:16

Worra that's me then. There are no trains where I live, none at all. Not a rail in sight

Allergictoironing · 27/12/2012 15:16

I was lectured by a non-driving friend a few years ago about how she didn't see the need for anyone to have their own car. This was while we were driving through the West Country on holiday together (in my car ofc), deciding where to visit while travelling & finding really obscure off the beaten path places - and I mean literally as we were driving along the lanes she was lecturing me!

I wouldn't say that all adult non-drivers are a pain, but some certainly don't really think about how they can inconvenience others. Also some who are able to live their lives easily e.g. live in a town with good transport & close to relatives, can be a PITA saying that because THEY don't need to drive, then why should anyone else need to.

Lueji · 27/12/2012 15:18

Whistle, are cabs to those locations that expensive?

Although, I'd be questioning the friendship if they changed the location without consulting you first.

manicbmc · 27/12/2012 15:19

I tried learning to drive and found (after rather a lot of lessons) that I am absolutely awful at it and have no road sense whatsoever - so would it be a good idea for me to drive?

I think it's a silly, sweeping generalisation. Not everyone who doesn't drive then puts upon others for lifts and the ones that do would probably continue to even if they could drive.

LettyAshton · 27/12/2012 15:19

I can see both sides here and of course there are many differing situations.

But I do agree that there is a set of people (especially older women, I find) who have never learnt to drive and think they should be chauffered around at their convenience. My mother would never dream of getting a taxi because of the cost, but would quite happily have me drive hundreds of miles back and forth/here there and everywhere without a sniff of a petrol money contribution. And I remember at my wedding my mother's sole concern was the transportation of elderly relatives and what time they would want to leave etc.

whistlestopcafe · 27/12/2012 15:20

They changed it Cinnamonnut because they are a bit sick of eating and wanted to do something else which is fair enough. I get the impression sometimes that they think I should hire a car or ask dh to take the day off and take me there. Or perhaps they just don't realise that places that are round the corner in the car can take all day to get to by bus.

Lueji · 27/12/2012 15:21

I was lectured by a non-driving friend a few years ago about how she didn't see the need for anyone to have their own car.
She does have a point.
If you don't have a car, you can still rent one to have those random drives up and down the country.

I do have a car, mostly because it is less hassle to go to and from places, than calling a cab, etc.
But I think it would be cheaper in the long run, probably, if you have shops close by and don't need to drive that much.

Anniegetyourgun · 27/12/2012 15:21

In one of my more assertive moods I might well have pulled over and said cheerily "out you get, then", and watched her splutter.

FestiveElement · 27/12/2012 15:21

Yes, it is his choice, but sometimes people can be more selfless than they should be and they need someone else to point out to them that it's ok for them not to bend over backwards to suit everyone else.

My DH is a softy and will do anything for anyone, he makes it quite easy for others to take advantage of him.

So yes, while it is his choice, as someone who loves him I would prefer him to put himself first sometimes, rather then make a choice to do someone else a favour and then end up over tired because he's got to bed an hour later than he would have done if someone had refused his offer of a lift.

Thankfully he has stopped offering as much as he used to.

FestiveElement · 27/12/2012 15:23

Whistle can't you take a taxi to the meet up? The other probably just wanted to go to the museum, there's nothing wrong with that.

LineRunner · 27/12/2012 15:23

My Dsis only gets pissed off at me for not driving when she's actually pissed off at me for something else. (Given that she last gave me a lift in 1998.)

SantasHoHoHo · 27/12/2012 15:23

I think your friends are inconsiderate Whistle. Even if the new venue had been accessible by car you may have not liked it. It's really not on to change the venue without agreement from ALL parties invited.

Celticlassie · 27/12/2012 15:24

Why would you offer people lifts if you resent it so much?
I don't drive because I have no need it. My parents live far away, I walk a lot and live close to excellent public transport links. If someone arranges to meet up somewhere with no public transport links (and they never have) then I wouldn't go. I never take a lift unless the person offering is literally passing my door.
I also think Brits are too reliant on their cars - no wonder the environment's fucked and we're in the midst of an obesity crisis. I work with people who also live within 15 mins walk of their workplace (as I do) and yet drive every day.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 15:25

Well good on him for offering less nowadays.

[smil]

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 15:25

even!

whistlestopcafe · 27/12/2012 15:26

Atthewellies you are probably right. The thing is I genuinely couldn't give a monkeys if they change the arrangements to my detriment, I'm quite laid back and don't fuss over stuff like that but I am mildly annoyed that they seem to think it's me who has decided not to meet up.

The taxi fare is about £20 each way, If I had that sort of money I could afford a cat.

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