To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

[Atthewelles]

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

Banana- you've just described all the excuses I've been using for the last couple of months, getting back down to the arse end of nowhere to visit family means I need a car as it would be a nightmare with three DCs on the trains and buses especially the other end! Dh drives a bloody great automatic people carrier which would be a lot different from my little mini.
I think as steptoe said its just practise.

However I will push DCs to learn to drive as they may not always live in London and the ability to drive is a skill for life.

Fwiw I would offer anyone a lift, if they are brave enough. I remember waiting with children for forty minutes in the pissing rain as you've just missed a bus and it is NOT fun....

I learnt to drive late in life and was not a confident driver. Definitely not a natural driver. I think it is safer for everyone if I don't drive. I live in London so its only an issue when we go on UK journeys out of London. I would like to be able to share the driving with my wife but I know that she would freak out is she had to be the passenger next to me. We would probably get divorced over it. What do you think?

Learning to drive is expensive and time consuming. I can spend my money and time learning new skills that will earn me more money. Driving requires a degree of concentration that not everyone has. Driving is dangerous and most drivers are not very tolerant of learners, perhaps because they learned when there weren't so many cars on the road. Some of them are downright aggressive. There have been lots of road rage incidents involving learners. I hate learning to drive! I never feel in control of the car. I've lost count of the money spent on lessons and the number of times I have given up. One instructor even sacked me! I don't think I am particularly stupid or impractical. I can ride a bike, swim, sew, play the piano, play the organ, turn wood on a large, but I just don't seem to "get" driving. I am having lessons again at the moment but because I can only have lessons on the weekend but I don't think I'm making any progress really. I doubt it will come to anything and would rather spend my time doing other things.

I've solved this now, after years of doing lots of shared lifts both with other drivers and non drivers.

I only offer to drive someone if I want to.
I always take petrol money if it's offered, unless I want to drive someone as a favour.
If I suspect someone is going to be a freeloading shitbag I ask them for petrol money and don't wait for it to be offered.

The more people there are in the car, the more expensive it is to drive. Some non-drivers pretend they don't understand this.

Joystir so far I've refused to drive with Dh in the car in fact I made him call uber to take him to a@e this weekend!

I never used to mind non drivers until a colleague started asking me for a lift home as I passed through her town. It wasn't an issue, no problem at all until I was waiting around for up to 20 minutes because she was chatting. I'd be sat in the car while she was arsing around. Then the comments would start "oh Mrs X is rushing me I must run to get to the car." Fuck right off. Then she started asking for a lift in the morning. Again, I'd be sat waiting for around 10 minutes past the agreed pick up time. I got pissed off with it one morning and left her. The shit hit the fan that day at work. She gets the bus now. It was the same at nights out, me sat waiting to go home and her having "one for the road." I never minded giving people lifts before but I do now. The full situation pissed me right off.

Spring, that would piss me off too but please don't think all 'non-drivers' are the same! I have never and would never behave like that.

Some non drivers are twats
Some drivers are twats

Ergo all non drivers people are twats?

Driving lessons are expensive, as is running a car. People on lower incomes, those who work and socialise very near to where they live, and those who have access to great public transport, might not see it as a good use of funds.

I have a dyspraxic friend who doesn't drive. She thinks this is for the good of all concerned, and I agree with her. Her husband drives her where necessary, or she walks or uses public transport.

I have a friend who did pass his driver's test, but couldn't afford to drive, so cycled everywhere. Didn't drive for 10 years. But he could. Then he moved out of LOndon, so needed to start again.

I have another friend who started learning in Glasgow, but her instructor was an arse and expected her to take off on her first lesson on a steep hill - of course she stalled the car, nearly had an accident and pretty much was too stressed out to manage it again. She mostly lives in cities with excellent public transport.

I know this is a zombie thread but it's ridiculous to get het up over all non-drivers - some people have valid reasons for not driving. Piss-takers will take the piss whether they can drive or not - they are only a subset of non-drivers, not ALL of them.

I'm sorry that woman has made you feel like that Spring. She sounds like an entitled arse. But most non drivers would never act like that.

Atthewells, I think you have issues with your sibling, and your elderly relative.

I well remember driving my non driving sister to see elderly relatives in hospital, and yes, it does get tiring if you're the only one who can drive. Hope your elderly relative is better.

You seem to have got people's backs up by generalising about "people who don't drive are a pita." When in fact you are having a particular whinge about ferrying your own sister about, and being the only one who can drive your elderly relative (when in fact a taxi would do a s well)

Maybe deal with the problems in your and your sister's relationship of give and take before starting a fatwah on MN against "all" those who choose for whatever reason not to drive or own a car.

As I said I used to drive a lot and even had my own cars, (sequentially, in case you think I had a garage stuffed to the brim with them) but now I cycle, take public transport use taxis and take lifts from those who offer. I get my groceries delivered.

Actually, I prefer my non driving life as I interact a lot more with folks when I'm out and about, and that rattles me out of any prejudice or narrow thinking I may have slipped into. Helps me get some perspective about people I may have had a rigid opinion about.... other people's kids for eg.. it keeps me and the planet fitter too, so that's well handy.

You should give it a try maybe!

I know this is a zombie thread bit ODFOD. I have failed 4 driving tests and I'm just not prepared to waste any more time or money on it. If I had my time again, I wouldn't even bother trying as I've realised that I only ever did it because I felt that I 'should'. DH drives but we got rid of our car 5 years ago as we were averaging less than 500 miles a year and it just wasn't worth it.
We live in London where you just don't need one. I very rarely get lifts and I can't remember the last time I asked for one. My office is in zone 1 and, out of about 40 people (3 teams in one building) nobody drives to work. My job involves home visits and everyone just uses public transport or cycles (probably half of us cycle which is generally the quickest way to get around and it's very satisfying whizzing past people in traffic jams).
I am literally the only adult in my entire family, including ILs, second and third cousins, great aunts, nieces and nephews etc, who doesn't drive and it's definitely regarded as odd and my DPs still go on at me about when I'm going to try again. I couldn't give a fuck.
And my kids get around absolutely fine thank you.
All children in London travel for free on buses and very cheaply on the tube up to age 16 or 18 if they're still in education which is great as they're not reliant on their parents driving them everywhere.

I have no problem with non-drivers. I have a problem with people who try and cadge a lift everywhere. (I'm looking at you mother-in-law who'll think nothing of dragging you 30 miles out the way rather ride than walk anywhere or use the regular and reliable bus service with her free bus pass).

Anyway not being able to drive is not the issue. I learned to drive at 19, but didn't have a car until I was in my late 20s. I couldn't afford one and made sure I lived on bus/train routes into work or within walking distance. I certainly didn't mither other people for lifts, if I did accept a lift. The majority of people I know now can't drive, they don't pester me for lifts or suggest going places not on the public transport network.

In fact I get more annoyed with car drivers who won't walk even short distances or consider taking the bus or the train even if it is cheaper and more convenient.

Haven't RTFT but give me a non-driver over a driver who drives a quarter of mile to school and then parks on the yellow lines any day. There are enough cars on the road as it is and people may have valid reasons that mean they are unable or unwilling to learn. Or they may live in a big city and not need to drive.

I do agree it is a useful life skill however and not driving can be restrictive at times.

I too don't have a problem with non drivers, however I don't get why the majority of people, especially those with small children don't bother to learn to drive. But what bothers me most is people, mostly my dh's family pestering me for lifts all the time and because me and dh have a car each (we have to for our jobs) they think we'll just happily oblige.

My SiL is the worst, she has a licence and can drive but she keeps buying cheap crap cars that break down after a couple of weeks and then she's pestering me or MiL for a lift and it bloody annoys me. I told her so in no uncertain terms recently and she got all huffy telling me that she's not as "fortunate as us" to be able to own "posh" cars that don't break down and that family should help each other out. I whilst I agree families should help each other out she's taking the loss lately the amount of times she had asked. I don't think she relates that both me and dh work, we run around after three kids and we haven't got the time to be at her beck and call.

Sorry for having epilepsy

Have not RTFT, it has to be a wind up surely? Getting het up over non drivers is pathetic! Seriously, get yourself some real problems!

I don't drive and would rather get myself anywhere I need to be under my own steam rather than cadge a lift and have to make polite conversation with the driver who may or may not want me there either!

Kath - learning to drive is sometimes an expensive and time consuming thing to do. I've only been driving a year and a half myself. It wasn't that I wasn't bothered to learn before then, I couldn't bloody afford to!

Kath, you don't get that someone with small children might find it difficult to spare a couple of thousand pounds and two hours a week?

That must be about what I spent on learning. Two lessons a week on and off for a year. £25 per hour. Plus one theory test. Plus five goes on the practical.
It totals a baw hair off three grand!

I realise that it can be expensive learning to drive but you can stager your learning or buy in blocks so that it's cheaper. I don't agree that children should be dragged from pillar to post on public transport espciallt in bad weather so learning to drive was a must for me.

Kathryn what about in a city where driving is simply impractical? In central London 'dragging children from pillar to post' via public transport is quicker than trying to drive through heavy traffic and not being able to park anywhere.

Is it so cruel to take your children on the tube?

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable doing it on a day to day basis but I suppose that's why I don't live in London.