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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:
Gowgirl · 25/03/2016 09:26

I just realised I'm going to have to pull on big girl pants and drive more, I'm in zone 2 and only passed my test last year in a country town. Apart from a trip to sainsburies once a week the car dosnt move because the traffic scares me!
I'm never going to get used to it on a bus am I?

pictish · 25/03/2016 09:32

Apparently we aren't even meant to say we don't drive when in fact we can't, as we are confusing people...you know, they're not sure where to place us in their hierarchy.

I know...I did think that comment was particularly up its own arse.

BumpTheElephant · 25/03/2016 09:41

Yabu. I think adults who do drive but probably shouldn't (those who drive unsafely) are far more of a problem.
I don't drive and am perfectly capable of using public transport. I'm not a nuisance.

bananafish81 · 25/03/2016 09:46

I used to have a car but ended up selling it as the only time I ever drove it was to run it round the block so it wouldn't get a flat battery!

I live in zone 2 and it is vastly more inconvenient to drive somewhere than to tube / train / bus / walk / cab / uber (and omg does uber make one so bloody lazy!). You'll end up walking further from wherever you've found a parking space than from the tube station or bus stop.

HairSlide · 25/03/2016 09:46

YABU

I can drive and I own a car, because I live in the arse end of no-where and it was a practical solution to get round the utter shite public transport round here (buses every two hours, no train, no taxi company).

Most of my friends who live here can't drive either, they get by, as I did before I could drive. Very rarely do I get asked for a lift and if we are going on a night out I take the bus to the next town and get a taxi back home, no-one has ever expected me to avoid dribking just so I can provide transport.

In my experience, people who don't drive or own a car are savvy when it comes to arranging things around transport and quite enjoy the peace and quiet of being able to sit on a bus or train and read/listen to music/whatever and don't always want a lift forced on them.

MrsSteptoe · 25/03/2016 09:53

Apart from a trip to sainsburies once a week the car dosnt move because the traffic scares me!

If you're going to go to the expense of having a car, you definitely don't want to be scared of it, Gowgirl! Little and often, gradually planning new areas to go to. The trick, at the risk of stating the obvious, is to make sure that you don't avoid using the car, and then still expect your nervousness to improve just because time is passing. Drive often, so you don't let your nerves build up too much between one use and the next.

Also, if you're able to do it practically, go out late in the evening and drive in new areas when the traffic is less.

I did start out a fairly nervous driver (though I had to drive an awful lot, so I couldn't hide from it, I just had to tough it out) and it does pass. Smile

decisionsdecisions123 · 25/03/2016 09:58

Sorry Op but what a cheek you have!

grounddown · 25/03/2016 10:01

My ex didn't drive and it was a nightmare because I'm a nervous driver and had to drive everywhere.
My close friend doesn't drive but never asks for a lift, I offer but I got a smaller car recently and it has no middle lap strap for her DD so can't offer, she gets a taxi and I feel awful.
I hate driving and would happily get public transport but I have to drive for my job

bananafish81 · 25/03/2016 10:02

Where I live it's more of a nuisance when friends do drive as I have to give them visitor parking vouchers for them to be able to park!

If I go home to see my Dad it takes 2h on the train. More like 4-5h by car. Why would driving be the better option?

wonkylegs · 25/03/2016 10:03

Sounds like it's more the person than their non ability to drive. I didn't drive until I was 26, public transport and taxis worked fine. I lived in a city with good public transport, now I live rurally a car is more of an essential and I drive.
My brother doesn't drive and gets around fine without imposing on people and comes to visit more often than the brother who can drive (it's more about being arsed to make the effort I think)

SuperFlyHigh · 25/03/2016 10:05

I drive (but don't drive to work due to getting tube etc and living and working in London) I have a car but don't even use it to get to the station now as prefer the walk plus in the past week the council have painted double yellow lines down one side of the hill which leads directly to the station.

Of the people I know who didn't drive one was an ex boyfriend - to be fair though he didn't ask for lifts he did accept them and then was a back seat driver which would have driven me mad to be honest but I did wonder how a 43 year old man with a teenage son living by South Coast had managed without a car all these years... Hmm but he did use buses and got trains to his London job. The other people were a couple living in London who moved to Devon. They got public transport everywhere and walked and he cycled too, they didn't ask for lifts but got offered them or got taxis. Same with another older couple I know, walked a lot too. My neighbour failed her driving test in her 20s didn't retake it doesn't drive now but certainly does not rely on others for lifts!

My current boyfriend lives and works quite nearby cycles to work or takes public transport. In summer one of his friends offered him use (insured) of a car but he doesn't want the expense to have one himself. My brother's BIL and his wife live in Hackney both drive but don't have a car and don't need one, cycle etc. I know countless other single or not women and men who can drive but can't afford or do not want the expense of running a car.

It really is horses for courses.

Gowgirl · 25/03/2016 10:06

Thanks Mrs step Toe! I didn't think about it till I read this thread, I'm going to make an effort to use the car, it was a lifesaver when I lived in the arse end of nowhere and it cost me a fortune to get through the test!

JasperDamerel · 25/03/2016 10:10

Drivers cause me plenty of inconvenience. If it wasn't for them I would be able to let my children walk or cycle to most places they want to go, wouldn't have to sit up with a DC whose asthma is aggravated by pollution, would be able to walk along the pavement with a pushchair without having to cross the road where some inconsiderate fucker has parked on the pavement, would feel safe cycling most places I might want to go locally, would have a range of thriving local shops, etc.

Gowgirl · 25/03/2016 10:12

The thought of cycling in traffic!!!!! I'm nervous in my car.....bike! No way!

DiscoGlitter · 25/03/2016 10:16

Well I don't drive and I say poo to you

This with bells on Grin
Seriously, so what if I don't drive? What's it to you? You make the choice to drive, I make the choice not to. I've had lots of lessons, but found it's just not for me.
I can cope perfectly fine on public transport, as we have tons of buses and trains here.
If you're being windy uppy towards non drivers, I can be towards you too - I find car drivers completel lazy sods as they seem to have forgotten how to use their legs and drive 5 minutes down the road for school pick up, or to the local shop at the end of the street.

TheBeanpole · 25/03/2016 10:27

Quite. I can drive, I don't- we live about 2 seconds walk from 2 train stations and can be in central London in 10 minutes. Hardly anyone we know has cars either. We're all very capable of getting around and in fact I would prefer it if car drivers weren't clogging up the roads we cycle on and delaying buses.
DP can't drive. No bother. Just get a cab. When we go on holiday we sometimes hire one (my parents are rural) but it's not worth learning for 1 week of driving a year.
The issue seems to be that your brother is too tight to pay for a cab. Nothing to do with driving. If you don't want to give him a lift, don't.

Marilynsbigsister · 25/03/2016 10:27

Can't get my head around choosing not to drive. In this I mean, there is no actual reason not to. Financial, medical, etc.. Is a life skill that adds to the sum total of independence.

The set-up that winds me of the clock the most, is the 'little woman' syndrome. Where there is a family car but only the man drives. This requires him dropping off, picking up and being attached at the bloody hip. (I may be projecting re a close friend hereGrin) but 'I'm too nervous' , ' I'm not technically minded' .. My husband wouldn't like it (!) he would worry about me.....arghhhhh. Get a bloody grip, it's driving a car, many many idiots manage it, it's not brain surgery....

OnlyLovers · 25/03/2016 10:27

they don't realise how often people are gritting their teeth as they smilingly offer them a lift home in the lashing rain even though it's twenty minutes out of their way

Don't offer a fucking lift then. I can tell you, as a non-driver, I would not give a rat's ass if a lift wasn't offered in this situation. I certainly wouldn't think the non-offerer was being 'rude or disobliging.' Frankly, I've got better things to think about.

Gowgirl · 25/03/2016 10:33

Strangely I love motorway driving and the freedom, my sister is the opposite won't even use a dual carnage way...
The cyclists add to my nervousness, a lot of them behave like twats, I think numpties should be made to wear red helmets so you can recognise them!

Aeroflotgirl · 25/03/2016 10:33

maril yes you are projecting. Dh drives, I don't because I've failed numerous tests, and do get panic attacks. I don't rely on dh, buses, taxis, cycling and online shopping. He uses the car to drive to work or if we go see my mum who lives a whiles away, but that is rare as she takes the train to stay with us.

bananafish81 · 25/03/2016 10:34

Marilyn why? I only learned to drive because I grew up in suburbia where it was necessary

My DH is 45 and grew up in the city where driving was more hassle than it was worth. We now live together in London and I have a licence but choose never to use it, because there is never any occasion where driving would be the better option. He still doesn't have a driving licence and makes absolutely no difference to our lives

My mum only learned to drive when she was 31 and pregnant with me because she and my dad were moving out of London to suburbia up north where she would need to be able to drive.

In central London choosing not to drive is the far more sensible option.

bananafish81 · 25/03/2016 10:36

Need to go to the hospital? Can't park there so a car is no good as there's no car parking nearby in zone 1

Need the shopping? Most people where I live do online grocery shopping and we top up shop on the walk back from the tube.

You can get an awful lot of cabs for the cost of running a car that you never use

Aeroflotgirl · 25/03/2016 10:36

Exactly only, it's not my fault you have offered me a lift, don't add me to your guilt complex, I am an adult and perfectly capable of transporting myself to places. The car drivers criticising non car drivers are making themselves look bad.

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 25/03/2016 10:37

I don't want to learn to drive, so I've always lived in cities where I don't need to. Simple. I live in zone 2 & work in zone 1 so it's the norm round here.

If people do offer me lifts anywhere that's very nice of them & I reciprocate with petrol money & / or buying coffee / cake, but I never assume they're going to.

NameChanger22 · 25/03/2016 10:41

What happens with the kids of non-drivers??

My child walks and cycles everywhere. She's the fittest child in her school and wins everything at sports day. Some of the children that get driven everywhere can't even run.