To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

[Atthewelles]

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

GreatCongas - good luck to you too, mine is 24th Jan

You weren't offensive atthewelles, I just thought you were wrong! Everyone has an opinion and all that jazz. Seriously though, tell your freeloading sibling to take a hike.

YANBU. I have people close to me who don't drive and both make far too many assumptions about lifts (while pretending to be totally independent). Very frustrating having to work around them and being expected to make detours.

There are rude car and non car drivers. I don't ask for lifts I book taxes or get bus , if someone offers me a lift I decline but if they insist I take. And offer money. Yes dh does drive now and again to places but that's dh, I don't exect him ypto go out his way if he sys no I get the bus if yes than I go with him

YANBU but neither is it much to get het up about. I learnt at 39 and as I'd hoped its been one of the best things I've ever done. I hated cadging lifts, smelly busses and lugging buggies. I never told people I don't drive. I always said I can't. It wasn't a choice. I couldn't and now I can. Hurrah!

orangerex why do you allow this ? Bite the bullet and say" I'm afraid in the New Year I wont be able to do XY and Z "

Like anything once you have said no then its over with and so is the thing annoying you

Lending a hand or helping people out is nice to do but something becoming a routine expectation is not.

atthewelles thanks for coming back. I do sympathise when people are being a PITA, it must be aggravating.

OP - the problem is your relationship with your sibling, not people who don't drive in general.

Its relative to your lifestyle and where you live.

If you live out in the sticks and away from family and familiar people on a country bus route with 3 buses a day (if you are lucky) and nothing else then I think you are stupid to not to learn to drive.

If you live in a city with excellent transport links then fine why bother.

I drive and have done since I was 17. I am currently finding the expense of running a car fairly difficult but am currently living 10 miles from a town and 3 miles from a village and 2 miles from a shop. Buses are infrequent. Not driving whilst living here would be daft imo.

My DH is in the forces and we have lived at various bases over the UK. Once or twice we have sold my car (the second family car) because the local transport links have been so fab - it cheaper to dump the car. That said, I still had use of DHs car so not 100% reliant on public transport.

I really dont get people who are married to people in the Forces not bothering to learn to drive. These people do piss me off tbh. They are likely to posted to places they have little say in. To parts of the UK that may be miles from relatives and initially they will know absolutely no one. There is no guarantee which street or estate you will be housed - so no guarantee how near or far you will be from your DCs school. No guarantee you will get your kids into the nearest school. No guarantee you can register with the camp med centre etc etc. The amount of wives (it is wives in the main) that dont drive but then moan like buggery because they have to rely in lifts or walk X distance to a crappy bus stop on a crappy narrow national speed limit country lane with no bus shelter in order to get their kids to school, Drs etc etc. Some rely on their husbands for lifts which is fab until they go on 6 to 8 week pre dep training prior to their 6/7 months in Afghan. These women - seem to rely heavily on the wives that do drive. Alot of these women do not either have an emergency or contingency fund in the house to cover the cost of an emergency taxi 10/15 miles away to the nearesr OOH emergency Drs - they prefer to reply on the kindness of those around who do drive.

Really I would never turn down a person knocking at my door 6pm on a dark wet February evening or 2am needing a crisis trip anywhere - but its the expectation that pisses me off . Recently - I have done 3 mercy missions to our local A&E/OOH (10 to 15 miles away making it a 20/30 mile round trip) to help out people and only 1 has offered me petrol money and even the parking costs. I would never ever leave them stranded but - some people do seem to have a certain expectancy in an emergency and do take the piss. Like I have said before running a car these days is not cheap and becoming a strain for us financially but living where we do - an absolute essential.

I do accept learning to drive is not cheap as well - but Forces Wives can get help and assistance these days because the welfare teams etc are beginning to realise in this lifetsyle - it pretty damn good life skill to have.

The average amount of lessons is 45 hours
Plus 22 private hours

That's about 1.5k without the private hours
I can't take private hours so have to pay for all my driving

It is not cheap in the slightest and I'm not even replacing fares with it as I rarely go anywhere I can't walk

I imagine I'm not the only one
And I know the op excluded cost as one of the reasons but cost probably covers a large quantity of people who haven't learned. Or is one of the reasons anyway

My lessons cost £37 for 1.5 hours.

Test is £62 plus about £50 to use my instructors car for an hour before the test and then for the test

I got my car for £475

Insurance when i pass is about £100 a month

Then tax, MOTs, petrol etc

Alot of people simply cant afford it. Ive only managed because my DP has worked A LOT of overtime to help me out.

For me personally it's about the attitude of the non driver.

My mum bussed us everywhere as children and we did a lot without relying on others. She still to this day would jump on a tram to our house if I asked her to visit us. Equally I have friends who are happy to get on a bus to visit me, as they know I do 80% of the driving for visits. As their attitude is not one of 'take, take, take' I regularly give them lifts as they appreciate it.

However I have friends who refuse to drive or take a bus. They think public transport is abhorrent and that if they have friends who can drive then those friends should give lifts. I have a friend who expects me to drive him to do his weekly shop FFS! Those friends are a bloody nuisance and quite annoying. I also have a sibling who refuses to get the bus but makes every other friend or relative run around after them, without even so much as a thank you, and they moan if the person giving lifts is late. This is the type of person I really dislike, and actually I think that they do a disservice to all other non drivers (who are always grateful for lifts in my experience).

I agree Reindeer.

There are, of course, lots of non drivers who are happy to get about under their own steam. But there are some who really are a PITA. Always jumping at even the most half hearted offer of a lift and constantly sitting in the backs of people's cars like lumps of useless lard oblivious to the fact that they're bringing someone miles out of their way in heavy rush hour traffic. Those non-drivers genuinely are a nuisance.

reindeer weekly shop ? Are you actually serious ?

clitterclatter "oh sorry I'm not going that way"

Jeez am I a bitch then that I simply wouldnt dream of doing half of what some of you get roped into ???

Well I can't drive, and I'm in full-time, paid employment. We've never been able to afford all the costs involved in running a car, so there's very little point in investing our hard-pressed cash into getting either of us a license for now.

I do hope to pass in a few years time though. And I'm never a burden on friends and family, because we live literally opposite a very good, well connected train station that gets us into the center fairly quickly (not so cheaply these days, unfortunately) so... not a problem for us, for now.

I would never ask someone to take me to do my shopping.n I shop online, I have a trolley or I get a taxi. But I have manners.

Unusually for me, I can see all sides. I love driving, live in inner London, have a non-driving DH, lived for years without a car and now have one. I do think that being able to drive - in case you ever need to, for whatever reason - is a useful life skill. I don't mind doing all the driving when we go on holiday or whatever (on the grounds that whoever isn't driving has to be in charge of the DCs - ha), but it does occur to me that if something happened to me (broke wrist, say, and we were on holiday somewhere), we'd be a bit stuck with DH unable to do it.

I know lots of people say they don't like driving, or struggle with it - but I do take the view that there are things you just have to get over and get on with, if it makes life easier for your family. My PILs don't drive (note I didn't say can't drive) - and don't live in London, so don't have such easy access to public transport. This is fine for them - they don't mind walking, taking buses, etc, and I wouldn't think of criticising them for it, as it's up to them if they want to take half the day getting somewhere. But they have elderly parents of their own who are housebound, who would love to get out and about a bit more (let alone the need for hospital appointments etc) - having a car would be ideal in this situation, and I think everyone's quality of life is worse as a result.

So OP, I'm pretty much with you.

Useless lumps of lard? Just say no

gettingeasier I agree with you. I find it very easy to say no to inappropriate lift requests

Yes, useless lumps of lard. I'm talking about the extreme cases of non drivers presuming all the time on drivers, not just your average non driver. But some people just genuinely can't be arsed to learn to drive and to do all the practise necessary but at the same time want the convenience of being driven around the place and just expect that there will always be someone around with the offer of a lift, always accept lifts even when they know its taking the driver well out of their way, never say 'oh just let me out at a bus stop' or whatever.

clitterclatter You are rather hypocritical. Me thinks you are the grumpy one. Incidentally, I am not a lump of lard because I don't need a car to drive me everywhere.

YANBU.