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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:

lidlqueen · 28/12/2012 11:48

we used buses and cabs mrskeith, tell her up the road to do the same.

MrsKeithRichards · 28/12/2012 11:49

I get even more rage over non drinking dh who always has the car. Great for me, other people seem to think it's for their benefit too. 'oh well Keith is driving, he could run you home, save gettin a taxi'

Fuck you, we all have the option not to drink.

MrsKeithRichards · 28/12/2012 11:50

When someone's on your doorstep with sick child? And I know their skint? I'm not a big enough bitch to turn them away, I will seethe about it though!

mrsjay · 28/12/2012 11:52

When someone's on your doorstep with sick child? And I know their skint? I'm not a big enough bitch to turn them away, I will seethe about it though!

Does this happen often then ? because if a neighbour was sick and couldn't get to hospital im sure I wouldn't seethe about it

lidlqueen · 28/12/2012 11:54

yes I would take them - bit annoying tho.

MrsKeithRichards · 28/12/2012 11:55

But it's the assumption that pissed me off. I've yet to meet a non driver that hasn't relied on a driver at some point.

MrsKeithRichards · 28/12/2012 11:57

Her ds had swallowed a penny, they'd been waiting 3 days for it to come out and she got told to take them up for an x ray.

This same women barely acknowledges me in the street. She's chronically shy apparently.

lidlqueen · 28/12/2012 11:57

you are right mrskeith - that is what pushed me to pass the test and buy a vehicle - the feeling like a child at the age of 40odd and asking people for lifts.
I feel like a proper grown-up now as I rattle my keys and fling the shopping into the boot!

mrsjay · 28/12/2012 11:58

I can't say i have rellied on anybody tbh, but my husband drives I dont ask for lifts i get about on my own, and even when we were skint and didnt have a car we always managed to make do

MrsKeithRichards · 28/12/2012 12:01

And the guilt I feel when I bump into someone on my street at Tesco balancing carrier bags on their pram whilst I hop in the car, watching them standing at the bus stop in the rain. I feel obliged to offers but I don't because I don't have the room or proper seats etc but I can almost feel the daggers!

GreatCongas · 28/12/2012 12:08

You know why public transport is now crap, why beeching closed all the railways? Because of those pesky car drivers that's why
So it goes both ways. Maybe the non driver can't help with the elderly parent but the drivers of this world have made life harder for the non driver too

ivykaty44 · 28/12/2012 12:08

if more and more people didn't drive then transport would get better -eventually

flippinada · 28/12/2012 12:09

Oh, this old chestnut pops up on MN every so often.

I don't drive, although I've tried very hard to learn (lots of lessons). Unfortunately, I can't afford to now anyway.

I manage to hold down a job and look after my DS just fine (we live in a city and within walking distance of a good primary and secondary school) so I'm not bothered. Nor do I rely on lifts.

Surely the problem is selfish, entitled people who expect to be catered to - not non drivers.

I can quite appreciate how annoying it is if you have people in your life who expect to be ferried about though

VitoCorleone · 28/12/2012 12:13

Im currently learning to drive (failed my first test in November, taking it again end of Jan) and i cant fucking wait til i can drive.

Im quite rural and buses are a nightmare with a toddler and baby in a pram. I absolutley HATE having to rely on public transport and lifts, to the point where i barely go anywhere.

Roll on January and fingers crossed i pass so that i can have some freedom and independance!

lidlqueen · 28/12/2012 12:15

I wish you good luck vitocorleone!!

GreatCongas · 28/12/2012 12:17

Vito
I should be taking mine around the same time too. Good luck

Even then though ill have to ask for lifts for those times when I currently have to such as after being sedated at the dentist or being injured. (Obviously don't want to get a taxi while woosey)

NumericalMum · 28/12/2012 12:21

I think you are right flip but I think there are a lot of people I have met in my time who don't drive because they don't want to be the ones to be designated drivers or to have to go out in the cold to fetch their children etc. If you can't afford a car or never rely on lifts that is a whole other three. Perhaps non drivers by choice would be a better title?

Croccy1979 · 28/12/2012 12:25

As a teenager my best friend's parents did not have a car and my Mum constantly used to ferry her around with me to dancing classes, horse riding lessons, parties etc etc

Not once did they say thank you to my Mum or offer her a couple of quid petrol money etc.

Fair enough if you don't want to drive (personal choice) but if you are regularly getting lifts from other people at least say thank you and offer them a couple of quid petrol money from time to time!

naomilpeb · 28/12/2012 12:26

I think it's all a bit more complicated than 'adults who can't drive are a nuisance'. It's not just knowing how to drive, it's having the money to own and run a car. DP and I both work in London, but live in a town outside London. It would make absolutely no sense to drive to work, and would take longer than using public transport, and cost more. We can't justify the cost of a car that would sit outside our house five days a week - in fact I doubt we could actually afford it at the moment. So far, we and the children get by walking, cycling and using buses. Sometimes peoples offer us lifts places, and sometimes we accept them. And sometimes we can't do things, but such is life. We're not irresponsible because we don't have a car. I trust my friends to only offer us a lift if they don't mind doing it - and I make sure that I thank them when they do and never take them for granted. I might do something for them sometime, like take them some food when they're not well, look after one of their kids while they're at the doctors, or give them advice on a job they're applying for (just some random things I've recently done for friends). People help each other out, it's kind of the way the world goes round!

Original poster

atthewelles · 28/12/2012 12:26

Okay, okay, I was in a grumpy post cooped uptogether too long mood yesterday when I made that, admittedly rather sweeping, OP. I also called into my mother to discover that my non driving sibling (sister not brother by the way) had done trojan work in helping my mother to sort out a load of medical forms and paper work for reclaiming costs from her insurance (something I woudl be absolutely useless at.)

I do realise there are myriad reasons why people might not drive and that not all non drivers expect lifts here, there and everywhere. I do think, though, that a section of non drivers don't always appreciate how much drivers have to go out of their way sometimes to collect them, bring them home from somewhere, take on a lot of the ferrying around of elderly parents and so on and just take it for granted that 'someone' will bring them home. Of course I don't mind, in the general scheme of things, offering people lifts. Just sometimes, when someone is taking me miles out of my way and obviously thinks its just a minor detour on my way home from work or whatever, I feel a bit grrr. Also, it would considerably ease things sometimes if I could ring my sister and say 'hi, how are you fixed for taking time off work on Mon to bring mum to the hospital/train station or whatever.

Anyway, didn't mean to offend so many non drivers.

OP posts:

sparkina · 28/12/2012 12:27

YANBU. I agree with you. Even if you don't need to drive in your day to day life why would you limit yourself by not learning to drive.

flippinada · 28/12/2012 12:30

I think its the expectation that you should be happy to act as a free taxi service that people get pissed off about - which is entirely understandable!

flippinada · 28/12/2012 12:31

Non driver over here, not offended atthewelles :).

GreatCongas · 28/12/2012 12:33

Spark because its hundred and hundreds of pounds

mrsjay · 28/12/2012 12:34

I wasn't offended either just so much rage about non drivers it is fine to rant and I do agree driving is a life skill but it isn't essential, saying all that though we made sure dd had driving lessons for her 17th birthday and she now scoots about to college and work and has the freedom, I can just manage to get about not driving it is no biggie imo

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