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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:
PurpleTinsel · 28/12/2012 00:07

Haven't read all the thread, but I think the OP is being a bit harsh on non-drivers here. Not all non-drivers constantly scrounge lifts.

I drive, because we have rubbish public transport where I live and it'd be very awkward to get around without a car, but if you live and work in a city with good public transport, having a car is often unneccessary most of the time.

And if someone can get just about anywhere they need to go on public transport, I don't think it's unreasonable for them to not learn to drive and buy a car, given how expensive that can be.

BombayBlue · 28/12/2012 02:09

I have no problem with non-drivers... As long as they make provision for getting to where they want/need to be.

I choose to spend money on running a car.
A colleague chooses to spend her money on drinking, smoking etc. and a bus pass.

We live in the same town, but around 10 miles apart. I could drive through town (vs mway) to give her a lift, but would take over an hour longer and cost twice as much in fuel.

She always asks for a lift home.
It always puts me in an awkward position.

I've even thought about leaving my job as it does make me feel awful to say no, and even though I've said it takes twice as long and cost twice as much she still asks.

When I lived closer to her I didn't begrudge it, though for about 4 years I didn't know where she lived as I always dropped her at the pub. Biscuit

blondiedollface · 28/12/2012 02:22

InNeed 'I don't drive and I'm quite happy to take a bus, if anyone wants to see me then they have to drive to see me or pick me up then take me home. I dont want to drive either, the bus to work is annoying but fine and I spend £16 pw on travel, no petrol mot service tax and emergency repairs. I also get to drink and my brother/sister/mum/sdad/nan have to take me home or I stay over, if they were not willing to do this I still wouldn't drive I just wouldn't see them.'

This is the exact reason I never see my IL's thank fuck! They are using bastards who in a family of 6 only 1 drives. If they want to see my daughter they can make the effort to get a bus or pay for a frickin' taxi for once in their lives.

Why should I be the one to give lifts just because I have worked my entire life and spent my money on my car, tax, MOT, insurance etc? Scrounging bastards.

misterwife · 28/12/2012 07:05

In London I've been able to get away with not driving for 10 years. I don't ask for lifts, because the public transport is so great.

Now, I am in a place where the public transport is non-existent. It is massively disempowering to be unable to drive in a place like this. I have co-ordinational issues which may make it dangerous for me to drive - sometimes one limb doesn't know what the other three are doing - but I've got to try to learn, and soon. My issues have improved a lot since I last considered it. It's pretty scary!

greenbananas · 28/12/2012 07:20

I'm a non-driver, although my DH has just passed his test (at the age of 47). Until recently, we couldn't afford to run a car. Also, I have dyspraxia, which means it would be very difficult for me to learn to drive, and I'm not sure I would ever be safe behind the wheel. I had a couple of lessons when I was younger, and I was truly hopeless.

I loathe not being able to drive. Many people (including family) think I should just get a grip and learn. We are excluded from lots of social events and family gatherings through being dependent on lifts, and being picked up and dropped off by another adult driver always makes me feel like a teenager.

So OP, I think YABU and harsh on non-drivers.

Salbertina · 28/12/2012 07:33

I think its an essential life skill, definitely
However, i agree that we're way too car-centric and that there are often better means to get around esp in big cities with decent public transport
I am also mildly dyspraxic but managed to pass in a manual.. Find automatic much easier to drive tho.

Eeeeeowwwfftz · 28/12/2012 07:55

We both have a licence but have never owned a car. Partly because neither of us is very confident behind the wheel, and partly because we live in a city with with excellent transport. We're resigned to getting a car though because as the fftzling gets older he'll need to get to see a wider variety of places (castles, seaside etc) which are more or less inaccessible by public transport. (One castle we visited before he came along was served by a bus once every four hours. The bus we waited for failed to show up. Don't want to be risking that with a bored and hungry child).

An observation about a group of mums and dads that we're part of is that those of us who don't own a car are generally on time at meet ups and those who do are often late. I'm sure it's not car ownership that's responsible for this, but its annoying when you've carefully planned around multiple bus timetables to make sure you arrive on time.

MoetEtPantsOn · 28/12/2012 08:02

linerunner that's what I had inferred from her posts really. Everyone just being so madly defensive.

I agree with the OP anyway. In our group of friends a few of the DHs don't drive because they grew up in London. We all have kids so its much easier to drive to see each other because of all the paraphernalia/ needing car seats and taxis not having them/ public transport not so good where we live now.

I find it a pain because my girlfriends never get to have a drink at gatherings.

HollyMadison · 28/12/2012 08:03

There's a difference between not being able to drive and choosing not to run a car. I think driving is an essential life skill but running a car is not a necessity.

You may not always live in a place with public transport and if life circumstances change you may need to start driving. You may also need to do it in an emergency (take sick child to hospital in rural area? - it could happen!).

myBOYSareBONKERS · 28/12/2012 08:03

I actually agree with the OP. I am in a group of friends who all live around the country and meet up approx once a month.

Non driving friend has got snippy that we are not going to her area EVERYTIME as we all drive and she doesn't. I have no problem with travelling over an hour to see people who will then make the effort to return to my area next time.

I also do not drink out of choice but I get fed up being the one who has to do all the lifts with more local friends.

NumericalMum · 28/12/2012 08:30

Sil doesn't drive which means lovely Bil is always designated driver when they visit, had to drive her an hour round trip to work on weekends when public transport was bad and will always be the kids' taxi. She has a license but hates driving. I wish I could just opt out of my responsibilities by pulling that card!

And whilst I do drive I always choose trains or buses but we live in central London. When we lived in "the country" we had a bus service every two hours that sometimes never turned up Hmm

ByTheWay1 · 28/12/2012 08:52

I have a license but hate driving..... I do not see it as "opting out of my responsibilities" strangely enough..... Hmm - every time I get behind the wheel of a car I get an overriding fear that I may kill someone.... so I choose not to drive any more...

We live in the suburbs - on 3 bus routes, within walking distance of shops/pub/supermarket etc.. I CHOOSE to live there BECAUSE I don't want to have to drive.

If I had a car we would not be able to afford the holidays we take, my family prefer the holidays to being ferried about by mum... I meet friends in town - no one has suggested anywhere I, or anyone else can't get to... most people want a drink, so if we ALL get the bus that can happen.

oh - and hubby is happy with me not driving since we "traded"..... he does the driving - which he loves and is very, very good at, I iron which he hates and is spectacularly crap at......

flow4 · 28/12/2012 09:02

Eeeow, I agree public transport users are often more reliable than drivers! On a related note, one hard winter before I could drive, when I was teaching at a college in a nearby town, only myself and the one other non-driver made it in... All the drivers in the department stayed at home - and it didn't even cross their petrol heads minds to catch a bus or train to work instead!

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 28/12/2012 09:27

Bytheway. I once worked out on another thread how much it costs me to go by public transport vs by car including the maintenance. Public transport was actually more expensive. This included working out how much the extra time travelling cost me in loss of earnings seeing as i work by the hour. It meant i would spend 2 hours less at work a day which of course adds up!

crashdoll · 28/12/2012 09:40

I get taxis most places (paid out of my DLA) and it still works out cheaper than running a car. However, if my condition improves, I'd like to be able to drive again. After reading this thread, I sure won't be offering lifts and then quietly seething when the person accepts.

pigletmania · 28/12/2012 09:55

There are some really nasty comments. Not everyone can or has the aptitude to drive, it's not all about being able to make a car go but safety, other road users pedestrians to consider as well as driving the thing. Actually quite complex and high skills are needed. Some people on the roads should not be driving at all really. As long you are not entitled and expect, make independent plans to get there and back what's the problem

jamdonut · 28/12/2012 10:43

My husband doesn't drive. He's 52 and failed his test when 17, and just didn't bother again! He walks most places. Or if I can't drop him somewhere , his dad is very amenable and will take him!
Don't see how that makes him a PITA though. I often wish he could drive, when its me going out into the cold to pick up my 16 year old daughter though!

ophelia275 · 28/12/2012 11:08

I learnt to drive very late in life and I absolutely HATE driving in London, I find it terrifying because other drivers are so rude, aggressive and generally don't abide by the highway code, so I choose not to.

I don't depend on anyone for lifts, if they offer I accept but if not, I always make my own way. I do a lot of walking (to school and back for example) and I have lost a lot of weight and got fit in the process. My kids are not spoilt brats who expect to be driven everywhere (unlike a lot of the kids in my dc school who cry if they aren't going by car) and walk every day with me and never complain about it.

Driving is expensive in this country. Expensive to buy a car, expensive to learn to drive, petrol is expensive, road tax, MOT and insurance costs are crazy. And god forbid you are actually in an accident, your insurance costs will rocket!

pigletmania · 28/12/2012 11:37

Exactly ophilia there are better ways I can spend or save that money on

gettingeasier · 28/12/2012 11:39

Passed my test at 19

Got my first car at 30

Have no interest in car owning status of other people

Would not regularly offer lifts unless I wanted to and definitely wouldnt give a second lift to a piss taker

cinnamonnut · 28/12/2012 11:42

Lots of drivers are wankers in this country anyway now. I swear it gets harder every year to get someone to let you out, even if they'd probably get home no later - it'd probably delay their journey by about a second!

MrsKeithRichards · 28/12/2012 11:43

I do think a lot of non drivers assume a driver will pick up the slack now and again.

Mil, I'm looking at you.

Oh and you over the road. Yes it's tipping down with rain but there's a reason I can get my son to school nice and dry. Please don't pretend you've slept in when you send your ds to my door at ten to 8 (when you've still got at least 40 minute before leaving) just be fucking honest. `it's wet and I can't be fucked walking to school in the rain, take ds for me' would be a lot more accurate.

lidlqueen · 28/12/2012 11:45

i must say I was made to feel like a pITA on occasion mostly by my brother when i did not drive, although i think that was more to do with him than me.
I love having a licence and a car now, just so that certain other people cannot make me feel like shit.

ArthurPewty · 28/12/2012 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsKeithRichards · 28/12/2012 11:46

Oh and you up the road. How the fuck am I expected to say no, get a taxi you lazy fuck, when you turn up at my door at 8pm sayin you've been told to take your youngest to the childrens hospital, can one of us drive you up? I keep a car on the road for such occasions, maybe you should do the same.