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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:
ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas · 27/12/2012 20:30

I don't drive, I can't afford to drive. It's probably a good job that I can't afford to drive as I'm a lazy bitch who is already overweight. I don't expect people to give me lifts.

Your problem OP is not that your sibling cannot drive but that your sibling is entitled, plus the fact you have a martyr complex wrt elderly relatives and lifts.

hth but probably won't

zeeboo · 27/12/2012 20:31

So the OP is going to pay for me to learn to drive? No? Thought not.

Stop being such a bloody selfish arsehole. I would love to drive but became a single parent very young and since then have never had the spare cash even now I'm married.
I'm so glad that my friends and family aren't as mean spirited as you and would choose a tiny bit of inconvenience over not being able to spend time with me.

pigletmania · 27/12/2012 20:31

I know Santa. Along my road, I car for mum 1for dad, 1fr each teenager. Silly silly silly

nailak · 27/12/2012 21:04

"drivers still have the option of not driving (e.g. if meeting in central London, or somewhere else where public transport is easier), but non-drivers don't have the option of driving if it suits them/the group better. Hence, things inevitably have to be arranged to suit them."

I dont understand, non drivers have the choice of getting a cab, which can go anywhere any other car can go, so how can it inconvenience a group? if my friends are meeting somewhere hard to get to, i would get a cab. or tak public transport half way and cab rest of the way.

and do you really make financial decisions in your household based on the convenience of your friends?

funkybuddah · 27/12/2012 21:13

I dont drive, I have no need to drive in 99% of my life, I never expect things to be rearranged for me, I manage to get to most places further out on public transport.

This obsession with driving is baffling to me (same as owning your own home) I live & work in the centre of town, its near to school, public transport etc. If I had a ar I would become lazy and atmosphere clogging , my children would expect to be taxi'd everwhere....not for me at the mo.

If people insist on lifts I take them but rarely ask, if I need help I pay petrol.(rare)

We didnt have a car from when I was about 8 so that might also have something to do with it.

Tuppence2 · 27/12/2012 21:14

YY nailak
As a non-driver I would never expect plans to be changed to suit me. I get buses everywhere, if that's not possible I will either get a taxi, or a combination of both.
I would never take a huff or make comments about people who are driving who do not offer me a lift, just I don't expect those who offer lifts to take a huff or make comments to those who accept their offer!

StackOverflow · 27/12/2012 21:17

I've been a city dweller all my life - always relied on public transport. I have a license but have never owned a car and have not driven for about ten years. Good luck to anybody sitting in the car if I were to try again!

I don't ask people for lifts. If I need to get somewhere and I can't use public transport I take a cab. It's expensive, but still much cheaper than running a car because it's rare.

I really don't see the issue. Confused

FutTheShuckUp · 27/12/2012 21:18

I can drive but cant swim.
Where does this put me in the useless stakes?

TessGoesDirectToBethlehem · 27/12/2012 21:23

I can't fly a plane Fut

Pilots are sick of me Sad

crashdoll · 27/12/2012 21:27

For me, the conclusion is that you narked drivers need to find less entitled and selfish friends or you need to bring out the MN fave "no is a complete sentence".

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 27/12/2012 21:45

I think it's the car-owners who are defensive. Car ownership in cities is basically selfish and lazy: more walking would improve your health and more people using public transport and campaigning for better public transport would improve things for everyone.

StackOverflow · 27/12/2012 21:48

^^ this!

SantasWearingHisTrampyPants · 27/12/2012 22:06

Sgb, yes! There seems a total inability to see past the car. And a disbelief that anyone can be happy living differently.

CrazyChristmasLady · 27/12/2012 22:09

YANBU.

Haven't read the thread but I find it bloody annoying having to accommodate non drivers and always be the one to do the running around. Just bloody drive.

uptheamp · 27/12/2012 22:10

agree with the op to a certain extent - people do expect the car owners to do the majority of the running about, especially when people get older and need ferrying about more

i find it weird that people still rely on buses and trains when driving is so easy too

YourHandInMyHand · 27/12/2012 22:15

But why do you have to accommodate the non drivers? Confused I'm a non driver and perfectly capable of getting from A to B without putting anyone else out. Wouldn't ask for or even expect a lift.

amillionyears · 27/12/2012 22:21

How often are you giving lifts per week op?

Do these people ever do anything for you in return?

Glossynotflossy · 27/12/2012 22:22

YBU another non driver here. I don't rely on people with cars as I am perfectly capable going from a to b by public transport.

Tigresswoods · 27/12/2012 22:27

YANBU

SantasWearingHisTrampyPants · 27/12/2012 22:30

Some of you need new friends! Or just bloody say no!

LineRunner · 27/12/2012 22:32

I had a nice chat on another thread with the OP, and she says it was a relative she's fond of actually who ideally would have shared some driving over Christmas, but couldn't because she hadn't learned to drive the car she has; and the OP couldn't have a little festive drink.

And I said if she's posted that in the first place everyone would have sympathised with her! Grin

pourmeanotherglass · 27/12/2012 23:02

uptheamp - just because you find driving easy, doesn't mean that everyone does. I was one of those kids that couldn't do school sport because I had poor co-ordination. I also have quite slow reactions.
I did eventually pass my driving test, but find driving in busy city centres difficult and very stressful. I'm happy to drive routes I know, but if I need to go to a meeting for work in an unfamiliar city, I would much rather take a train and a bus, where I can relax with a book, than attempt to drive, and get myself all worked up and stressed, and not be able to concentrate on the meeting because I'm worried about the drive home. I also take the kids on the train to my parents house. Why would I risk the lives of my precious girls by taking them on a motorway with me behind the wheel? We enjoy the train journey - we can chat, play cards, draw - much more sociable and relaxing than taking them in a car.
I'm not going to pretend that it isn't occasionally inconvenient not being able to drive-when it was just me I was happy to cycle/train/bus/walk everywhere, but sometimes when the girls were little it was a nuisance not being able to drive them places. Not so much of a problem now they are 8 and 10 - and they are probably capable of walking/cycling much further than DC who are driven everywhere, which isn't a bad thing. They will both be walking to secondary school.

Festivedidi · 27/12/2012 23:03

My dp doesn't drive and it only annoys me sometimes like he can't take the kids to visit his parents without me. I didn't drive til I was 27 and got my first job that wasn't accessible by public transport (well, I could have used taxis but £40 per day wasn't economically viable).

As long as you are able to get where you need to go the majority of the time without asking for lifts then I don't see why anyone would want to own a car. I would love to get rid of our car as I would walk far more often, but I would need another job first as I can't get to work by public transport and I would be relying on others to give me lifts.

cinnamonnut · 27/12/2012 23:22

uptheamp, driving isn't always that easy! Add the stress of road rage, trying to find a parking space, idiot drivers on the road and the huge costs and just getting a bus or train is more convenient.

I remember reading about a study that showed taking a bus is significantly less stressful than driving.

poorpaws · 27/12/2012 23:54

I learned to drive later than most of my friends. I hate driving but have to do it. I now have two friends who don't drive but like to go out so I end up taking them both home (in completely different directions) and find whilst they are warm toasting their toes by the fire, I am still in my car trying to get home. New Years resolution ~ still take people out but not so often and make subtle suggestions that their dh/dp could take them home and save my bloody petrol.

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