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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:
FryOneFatChristmasTurkey · 27/12/2012 19:33

Believe me, the roads are much safer because my mum doesn't drive. Grin

But, she is always grateful if I'm able to drive her places, she never takes it for granted.

LapsedPacifist · 27/12/2012 19:33

I am 51 and passed my driving test 10 weeks ago at the second attempt, after spending £3000 on 130+ hours of lessons over 16 months. The tests alone cost almost £200. We were lucky enough to be given a car, but it has still cost us nearly £1,500 to get it insured, taxed and MOT'd. The expense of getting mobile has been crippling. I am the only driver in the family. And I'm still shit scared every time I get behind the wheel.

We managed just fine in London for 25 years (without cadging lifts) using tube, buses and taxis and trains, even when DS was a toddler and I was a lone parent. I only bothered learning to drive because we have moved to the West Country where public transport is crap and we live with my very elderly mother who is losing her marbles mobility.

OP, YABVU.Running a car is a huge luxury for many people. The majority of my friends in London are not car owners. Some hired or used car-share schemes when necessary. Congestion charge and total absence of parking in the City/West End mean you cannot use a car for commuting into central London unless you're an insane petrol-head prepared to sit in traffic for 90 minutes each way when the tube only takes 25 minutes. When you have to spend £000s on an annual Oyster card just for work then keeping a car for use at weekends and holdays is ridiculous.

HollaAtMeSanta · 27/12/2012 19:34

Can't believe the defensiveness of the non-drivers! Grin Like swimming, cooking, and managing money, driving is a life skill - some people on this thread seem not to understand the difference between "life skill" and "survival skill". Hmm

For the record, I live in central London. I don't have a car and walk/cycle/take public transport everywhere. Generally, I think people use cars far too much, particularly for short journeys.

But I can drive - I occasionally have to do it for my job, and if I need to go somewhere by car, I can rent one (I'm in a car club). It's something that allows me to be flexible when making arrangements with friends - drivers still have the option of not driving (e.g. if meeting in central London, or somewhere else where public transport is easier), but non-drivers don't have the option of driving if it suits them/the group better. Hence, things inevitably have to be arranged to suit them.

mrsjay · 27/12/2012 19:37

I dont drive I was pretty rubbish at learning

i think your problem is you are a martyr you didnt have to drive anywhere or pick or drop anybody off did you, you chose too then moaned about it,

mum11970 · 27/12/2012 19:41

Not half as annoying as being able to drive but not having my car for the last few weeks. Has been sending me nuts. Live in a semi rural location with only a couple of shops and a rubbish bus service (not that I'd get on a bus unless it was a dire emergency). If dh doesn't give my car back soon I think I may just flatten him, lol. Got to drive a couple of minutes ago but that was just to drop him at the golf club and dd to her mates.

HoneyMurcott · 27/12/2012 19:49

YANBU. I went out with two men who had never passed their test - one had failed and given up, the other had never tried, and it was inconvenient not being able to share the driving ever. Being non drivers, they didn't really get this. One of them suggested me driving us to Scotland for a holiday. I don't think he realized that one person doing ALL the driving on a 20 hour plus round trip while he read/ enjoyed the scenery was unfair and exhausting for the driver. To me, being able to drive is part of being an adult. I understand that cost of lessons might be a deterrent to learning. I learned at 23 because I couldn't afford lessons while a student but not being able to drive effectively barred me from the jobs I wanted to do. So YANBU.

LadyWidmerpool · 27/12/2012 19:50

YAB a bit ridiculous. If you don't want to give lifts don't offer them.

KatyPeril · 27/12/2012 19:55

I'd be more than happy to learn to drive if you're willing to pay OP? I certainly can't afford it!

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas · 27/12/2012 19:56

shoving a stick with a knob on up and down.

Haven't read all posts yet but had to post for this Xmas GrinXmas Grin

So glad I'd just swallowed my mouthful of drink, it would have been a waste of southern comfort to have spat it out over my keyboard having read that Xmas Grin

kickassmomma · 27/12/2012 19:59

I cant drive, can't afford to learn or to own a car !!! if I ever find you I will b even more of a nuisance and stand in the middle of the road so you can't passGrin

pourmeanotherglass · 27/12/2012 20:03

The roads are safer without me,

I eventually passed my test at the 5th attempt - and then moved to a larger city where I'm too nervous to drive everywhere. I drive once a week or so on routes I know well (supermarket etc), but am a bit dependent on /dh for other routes.

I'm happy cycling to work, the kids school is a minute walk away, they do local activities.

If I lived in a smaller town I'd be happy to drive, but not here.

pourmeanotherglass · 27/12/2012 20:03

The roads are safer without me,

I eventually passed my test at the 5th attempt - and then moved to a larger city where I'm too nervous to drive everywhere. I drive once a week or so on routes I know well (supermarket etc), but am a bit dependent on /dh for other routes.

I'm happy cycling to work, the kids school is a minute walk away, they do local activities.

If I lived in a smaller town I'd be happy to drive, but not here.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 27/12/2012 20:05

The only time this really bothers me (as the driver) is Christmas day, when i have to spend 2 hours of it picking people up and taking them home again because there is no public transport. So its either that or the relatives in question have to spend it alone and i don't get to see them.

fatlazymummy · 27/12/2012 20:07

I do think the financial side is a deciding factor for many people. If money was no object then I probably would learn to drive , [either that or hire my own chauffeur]. It just wouldn't be worth the money when I manage perfectly well without it ,without inconveniencing other people op. Plus I don't know how good or safe I would be at it anyway.

happyhorse · 27/12/2012 20:07

YANBU. When a non-driver puts you on the spot asking for a lift it's not easy to say no without coming across as a bit harsh/unreasonable.

Most of the non-drivers I know expect people to go out of their way for them. You'll get to the end of the evening and find that they've done sod all about making arrangements to get home. The only one I would be happy to give a lift to regularly is a friend who can't drive for the moment due to her epilepsy, but she always gets her transport sorted in advance. If only all non-drivers were like her.

fatlazymummy · 27/12/2012 20:09

Plus I avoid the countryside. I never stray too far from public transport, nor would ever want to.

SantasWearingHisTrampyPants · 27/12/2012 20:10

Driving is absolutely not a life skill, it may be useful but its hardly essential and not driving doesn't make you any less of an adult. I am v resourceful and not driving has never held me back from doing anything. I don't rely on anyone.

pigletmania · 27/12/2012 20:12

My goodness have a Biscuit op. actually I gets taxs and buses or walk to where I want to go, I don't demand or expect

pigletmania · 27/12/2012 20:13

I get my transport srted out in advance

SantasWearingHisTrampyPants · 27/12/2012 20:14

Me too piglet. Some fab generalisations being made.

pigletmania · 27/12/2012 20:14

Even if I had a licence we could only afford one car. Dh needs his fr wrk so that would be me all day withou a car

pigletmania · 27/12/2012 20:17

I know, all non car driver are freeloading spongers Hmm. I have failed numerous tests ad I can't afford and have no motivation at the moment to learn again. In the future once ds 11 months is at school and my nights are free agin. But at th moment I am happy to use alternative modes of transport

judefawley · 27/12/2012 20:18

Am I unusual in that out of every adult I know, there is only one (colleague, 55) who doesn't drive?

SantasWearingHisTrampyPants · 27/12/2012 20:26

I also think there are already far too many drivers on the roads. Too many multi-car houses. Too many people reliant on their cars. Too many cars blocking the roads.

I think I'm actually being responsible in not driving

ethelb · 27/12/2012 20:28

I passed my test a few months ago but still dont understand the attitude of some drivers who do matyrish lifts. I have accepted lifts under duress when unable to drive only to have them complain about having to give me a lift

Did i apologise for not driving? No. They needed to learn to get over their martyr complex just like you do op.