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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:
PurpleCrutches · 27/12/2012 17:43

DH doesn't drive. He just doesn't want to. He does have a provisional driving licence, but that's only because he wanted some ID.

If he wants to go somewhere he'll walk, or get the bus or train. No problem.

Mollydoggerson · 27/12/2012 17:43

My MIL doesn't drive and it adds to her general unavailability. MIL will claim to be available to babysit etc, but the non-driving element makes her unavailable. It means step FIL would have to drive her here, possibly stay or else go away and then collect her or else dh would go and collect her and bring her back and then organise transport home. It just makes the simple act of babysitting quite complicated. Fine I know she doesn't have to do it, but she tentatively offers occassionally (maybe once a year), but it's hardly worth the hassle.

I suppose drivers tend to be more available to help out than non-drivers, but obviously the personalities of all involved have a huge impact on arrangements.

InNeedOfBrandyButter · 27/12/2012 17:45

My primary aged dc have a cloak room where they can put their wellys and macs. Once they take them off they are probably dryer then a dc who was drove to school since everyone drives on rainy days and people have to park 2/3 streets away. In fact they have to park on my road then walk sometimes and they don't have wellys macs and umbrellas like my dc to keep them dry.

outtolunchagain · 27/12/2012 18:09

Amazed at all these people talking about taxis etc . We live in a rural area and you can't get taxis at the weekend for love nor money , they need at least 24 hours notice , often a lot more

nailak · 27/12/2012 18:16

well if you choose somewhere to live in which there is no public transport when you dont drive, it is a bit weird?

however it does look like a great business opportunity! get a pco license and advertise as a cab driver!

nailak · 27/12/2012 18:19

"I suppose drivers tend to be more available to help out than non-drivers, but obviously the personalities of all involved have a huge impact on arrangements"

i am free to babysit at my house with my kids. I find it hard to arrange babysitters for my kids though as I have to go and drop them at others houses and isnt worth the effort imo

SantasWearingHisTrampyPants · 27/12/2012 18:24

Outtolunch, that's a bummer. We live rurally there are taxi all over the nearest town and its only £6.70, cheaper than driving/parking. And I wouldn't live somewhere I couldn't get around without driving. Its no loss. After all, if you have 5 dc you wouldn't move to a 2 bed house, would you? It wouldn't be suitable. A house with no pt links wouldn't be suitable for us.

dementedma · 27/12/2012 18:27

My dds don't drive because we can't afford lessons, insurance or another car.I wish we bloody could then wouldn't have to go out again late tonight to pick them up from the Park and Ride.

spoonsspoonsspoons · 27/12/2012 18:28

YABU

Do you know how damaging these comments can be to those who cannot drive for medical reasons? I know you excepted them in your OP but it doesn't stop people with epilepsy feeling crap because they're not able to do things others take for granted. It doesn't stop people making comments like "real men can drive" because they don't know the medical history of your OH. It doesn't stop him feeling less guilty because I'm the one driving 7 hours to see his parents.

TessGoesDirectToBethlehem · 27/12/2012 18:29

As a non-driver, I get really annoyed at colleagues who INSIST I have a lift home and no amount of me saying ?no thanks, I?m fine? gets through to them.

How do I politely say that I do not want to....

  • sit in your pine scented car
  • listen to your taste of music,
  • be the person that has to jump out and post the letters
  • be covered with dog, cat, human hairs
  • have my feet battered by empty cans & bottles
  • wait whilst you just nip for petrol, the kids, the weekly shop
  • listen to all your woes

I am tired, I want to go home, on the bus, where I can listen to my music or read my kindle in peace.

Thankyou.

EllenParsons · 27/12/2012 18:33

YABU.

I don't have a driving licence. I live in London in quite a central area in zone 2 which has great public transport that I use to get around. There's no way I would drive where I live. It just would not make sense. I never need to get lifts from people as I can always easily get wherever I need by public transport or if not then I get a cab. The fact I don't drive does not put anyone else out and I hardly know anyone with a car. Before I lived in London I lived in another large European city where I had no need for a car either. That said, I have actually learned to drive but haven't taken my test yet. I do see the benefit of being able to drive for things like renting a car and going out to the country, but the fact I still haven't done my test really does not impact anyone else or make me a PITA Confused

mummyonvalium · 27/12/2012 18:36

People who don't drive don't bother me so long as they don't insult my driving whilst I am giving them a lift (one girl did and she has never been offered a lift again).

mummyonvalium · 27/12/2012 18:38

Tess - this used to annoy me too when I didn't drive (only 4 years ago). No-one actually understood that I was actually capable of getting on a bus.

MamaChocoholic · 27/12/2012 18:40

YABU.

I didn't learn to drive living in London, pre-kids, because I could cycle anywhere I needed to go. I did learn once we left London, so can drive according to my license (passed with two minors), but I don't enjoy it, don't feel confident at it, and have never driven on a motorway. You'd consider me technically minded in other ways, but I don't have the concentration to be a safe driver at anything over 30 mph for 20 minutes max.

Not everyone can be a good driver, those of us who recognise this are keeping the roads safer for everyone else. Plus I hate cars, would still much rather cycle, even with a trailer full of kids in tow!

Tuppence2 · 27/12/2012 18:41

Why would you choose to live in a rural area without good public transport links/easily available taxi services if you can't drive?

fatlazymummy · 27/12/2012 18:43

mummyonvalium or that it is possible to, gasp, walk more than a few yards without collapsing.

BRANdishingMistletoe · 27/12/2012 18:45

H refuses to learn to drive and it is a total nuisance, I wouldn't extrapolate that to include the entire non-driving adult population though.

What is especially annoying is that H will not accept that him refusing to drive affects me in any way, he thinks it's totally fine. In fact he called me a bully for reminding him that he promised to learn. He is an arse, hopefully soon to be a single arse. (God, I can't wait for Christmas to be over.)

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 27/12/2012 18:47

I think that the selfish ones are people who live in a city with good public transport and insist on owning cars and driving everywhere (I will exempt those with mobility issues/several under-5s/a need to carry a lot of heavy items regularly). The car-obsessed city dwellers are the ones poisoning the air, clogging up the streets, making it unsafe for DC to play outside and it's actually mainly the fault of city-dwelling car owners who pave over their front gardens for parking spaces, that so many people are being flooded out at the moment.

ArthurPewty · 27/12/2012 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArthurPewty · 27/12/2012 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CountBapula · 27/12/2012 19:01

Not everyone can be a good driver, those of us who recognise this are keeping the roads safer for everyone else.

YY. I'm a bloody awful driver. Failed my test despite the efforts of five different instructors. I genuinely don't think I'd be safe on the roads - I have no road sense, and appalling spatial awareness. Plus it petrifies me.

Some people just can't do it, just like some people can't sing, or ice skate, or paint.

BlingLoving · 27/12/2012 19:04

Yabu to have a problem with all non drivers. YANBU to be annoyed with entitled non drivers who are happy to ask for lifts etc.

MmeGuillotine · 27/12/2012 19:18

I really wish that I could drive but I have dyspraxia so dare not risk it. I'm always apologising to my husband because he has to do all the driving but he claims not to mind. It'd be nice to have the freedom of being able to drive myself though - I'd go on mad day trips all over the country if I could instead of having to harangue him into taking me to random stately homes etc.

However, we live in a large city and I like walking or using public transport or taxis although the DC's school is a few minutes walk from our house and we have two large supermarkets within walking distance as well so it's not really necessary. I actually go to some pains to avoid getting lifts from people as I also have Aspergers and lifts tend to involve awkward small talk, which is generally pretty hideous when I'm involved. None of our family live locally and none of my friends in this city drive either, mostly for environmental reasons as far as I can make out. I'd still quite like to have a driving license though but I'm not even sure that I'd be allowed one. :(

ElsieMc · 27/12/2012 19:29

God yes, it drives me absolutely mad. My boss used to commandeer my car and because she was so absolutely vile, I just hated it. She had also just got rid of my parking permit to save money so that made it even worse.

My brother used to do it all the time. Asking me to pick him up from stations a three hour round trip away when I had very young children etc. If he wanted to visit, he would always expect me to collect him.

My late mum, who was very eccentric, not only expected me to always, always collect her but when she was selling her house she also expected her estate agent to collect her and take her to view any other houses she wished. She completely believed it was part of his role. It always made me laugh seeing his face with her sitting in the front with him!

Sunnywithachanceofjinglebells · 27/12/2012 19:33

YABU. It's not a non-driver problem, it's a brother problem.

I don't drive. I'm crap at driving and have failed my test umpteen times. The roads are safer without me behind the wheel.

I don't need lifts - I use public transport or cabs.