To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

[Atthewelles]

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

" I used to have to drag the kids out and walk miles when I couldn't drive which is no problem when the weather is dry but it's selfish and unfair when it's lashing rain and miserable"

why did you have to this? are there no mini cans in your area?

I dont drive, so if my friends are meeting up somewhere that takes ages on bus but is 10 mins by car, or somewhere obscure then i just get a cab. it is still cheaper then running a car. same as if i go out with friends or to families houses i take a cab there and back, if they offer a lift i accept, but i dont expect it.

i dont drive coz i never learnt, once my youngest is in nursery then i will have a few free hours to learn.

however my mum never drove, we did every thing by public transport.

I don't drive, sometimes I want to, others I don't. I love public transport. Me and dh get everywhere we need to go using PT. We never ask for lifts, if people offer we take it, but we never guilt or impose. It's our choice not to drive, even with ds we find PT absolutely fine

I'm surprised at the number of people on here who are convinced their decision not to drive doesn't impact on other people. Of course it does. As for saying 'take a cab if you want a drink', that's fine if you're going out with a group of friends but I took it that the OP had to ferry family (including elderly relatives) around over Christmas meaning they always had to be the one to not have wine while the sibling drank away.

Look, you can always take individual examples and nit pick at them, but if you look at the broader picture it is inconvenient for someone if a family member who lives nearby doesn't drive and this always has to be factored in when planning a family outing or arranging transport for an elderly parent. I think that's what the OP is saying and I agree with her.

Actually I've just taken issue with DS's school for not accommodating pupils who do have to walk to school in bad weather. They are expected to carry round soaking wet raincoats all day with nowhere to hang them.

There's nowhere even to sit and change boots for shoes. And as they are not allowed to enter the school wearing boots, they're effectively not allowed to wear boots to walk to school in bad weather.

Yet it celebrates 'healthy schools' and 'walk to school week' and has a School Travel Plan which encourages walking.

But let's face it, the school assumes they all sit in cars to get from A to B.

Oh, the martyrdom of sipping 7Up - suggest that on one day you offer a lift to the elderly relative and the next day you will drink and the non-driving relative fund a cab!

It is possible to be calmly upfront, rather than whinging about people behind their backs . Such a festive spirit

LineRunner I think that a very good point. My DC school a primary isn't to bad as they can change shoes and hang coats up.

I used to have to get the bus to Secondary school - no shelter we got soaked very freqeuntly then as there were no lockers has to carry wet stuff round all day - coats and umbrellas used to drip onto class room carpets. It was grim.

linerunner what happens if you just send them in boots? and cant they just quietly find somewhere hidden to leave coats? medical room changing room, music rooms etc?

ClitterClatter then drivers should say, "I'm sorry, I will not be taking the car to that event, I'm sure we could share a taxi" or whatever.
There is nothing worse as a non-driver than to have a PA driver bang on all night about having to drink soft drinks while everyone else gets drunk. You have a choice, drink or drive. Plain and simple. Don't offer people lifts and then be pissy with them all night!
If I (a non-driver) cannot afford my taxi fare home after a night out, I then will not go out, or I will stay at a friend's house, where 3 friend's live, so we can all share the taxi fare and then I will get a bus home from there the next day. It's pretty straight forward to be honest.

Eh, isn't 'whingng about people behind their back' what AIBU is all about Mother. Wny log on if you're just going to 'whinge' and make moany faces about it?

I'm surprised at the number of people on here who are convinced their decision not to drive doesn't impact on other people. Of course it does. As for saying 'take a cab if you want a drink', that's fine if you're going out with a group of friends but I took it that the OP had to ferry family (including elderly relatives) around over Christmas meaning they always had to be the one to not have wine while the sibling drank away.

Is drinking really such a big deal for some people? A car is a huge expense, why should a person be forced to drive to ferry around elderly relatives?

But Tuppence some people are too polite and considerate to say that. And I don't think they usually 'bang on all night' about it - most of them act as if they don't mind (and post annonymously on forums to vent).

Look, you can always take individual examples and nit pick at them, but if you look at the broader picture it is inconvenient for someone if a family member who lives nearby doesn't drive and this always has to be factored in when planning a family outing or arranging transport for an elderly parent. I think that's what the OP is saying and I agree with her.

This annoys me, as all of my friends and family know I do not drive, and will never ask for a lift anywhere, even if they drive past my house to get wherever we are going. I will leave early to get the bus, and generally get there early as buses rarely get me there for the exact time I'm meeting my friends or whoever.
I will never ask people to change plans to suit me travelling there by public transport, I factor travel costs into plans, the same way a driver factors in petrol money, it's not difficult. The only people who seem to be bothered that I do not drive, are drivers, apparently!

I don't get why "being able to drive" = "owning/running a car"?

I can drive since I was 18 but never owned a "personal car". When I lived at home I used my parents' one and with DH when we lived overseas I used our family car. I never used it for work/commuting as I used always public transport. We do not have a car at the moment as we currently live in London. This summer we rented a car for a week to have our "rural" holidays.

I think however driving is an essential skill in this time and society. Just as using a computer /internet is nowadays. Sure, you can live without it, but that means your are limiting yourself.

clitterclatter no it doesn't impact on other people. You probably feel it does, because you probably rely on your car therefore you feel that a car is essential. It isn't.
There is nothing I need a car for. I never have lifts. I walk, use public transport or take a cab, and so do my children. I don't have any elderly relatives.

What fatlazy said. Neither dh or I drive. We live in a semi-rural location and manage perfectly well. We don't expect lifts, we don't need a car, dh works ft and we are never late.

Yabu

Just think if every adult who is able to drive did drive would that be more of an inconvience because there would be more cars on the road and less places to park.

Oh god just think how worse the parking threads on here would be.

I go by taxi now that I'm retired. Go by bus in the summer dry weather . Have food delivered to the door.
But in my area the taxi firms do school runs during term time, and none is available until after 9am, which is usually fine for me.
My daughter drives me to relatives Xmas lunch as she is invited too. But am still terrified on the motorways especially in the dark when it's raining as it was coming back last evening.

ClitterClatter I know drivers who have made little comments and digs on a night out about how "it must be nice to have drinks and not worry about driving" or the fact that they have offered people lifts home, but then complain that it's no fun not drinking around drunk people... Which is fine, I get that. I don't always drink when I go out, but I still get a taxi home at the end of the night, drunk or not.

I do not see the point in offering people lifts and then complaining about it. I never ask for lifts, but on the rare occasion I accept the offer of a lift, I do not expect to have it then complained about. Don't offer non-drivers lifts if you don't actually want to give them a lift... That's about as complicated as it gets surely. If you feel obliged or guilty or whatever, that is your issue, not the person accepting your offer!

Not going to dredge through 4 pages but YABU. Not all non drivers are selfish and entitled. I don't drive and I make my own travel arrangements either by walking/bus/ taxi. As I don't have the costs of running a car I don't mind paying for taxis now and then.

I do know non drivers like you describe though - the thing is they can only act like this if they are allowed to! Stop letting people take the piss.

I don't think your issue is a driving thing such much as a selfish people thing.

CreamOfTomatoSoup
"They also use driving as an excuse for not having a drink when actually they're really uptight and could easily have gotten the train, left the car at home and had a bit of fun.*

That is as ignorant as the op's generalisation.

What both fatlazymummy and SantasWearingHisTrampyPants

The people who are usually late when meeting them are people who can't find a parking space or left a bit later as they didn't realise the traffic would be bad. It is rarely people travelling by public transport IME

There is an arrogance here in people who found it easy to drive, or easy to afford to learn, assuming it is the same for others.

I had lessons when I was 17 but struggled both with the lessons and financially until I gave up while doing my A levels. I went to uni in London where I didn't need to drive. After uni, my husband couldn't drive either and when we finally had some money we decided to learn one at a time and he went first. I passed last year at 32 after six months of lessons.

I'm on the side of the non-drivers on this thread. People don't drive for all sorts of reasons. Rarely is it because they can't be bothered. Most people know it's a hassle to give lifts and appreciate getting them, it's only people who are selfish generally who don't care.

When I was on maternity leave I felt terrible asking for lifts and it was in part what prompted me to learn. But I don't feel others should have to do the same. I mostly learnt in case I ever need to get my son to hospital and so I will be able to do the long drives to my parents as they get older - but everyone's circumstances and transport links are different.

Tbh I'm not a particularly confident driver - my actual driving is fine and seems confident on the surface - but I don't enjoy it unless there's sunshine and quiet roads. I hate the fact some would push under-confident drivers on to the road because it's 'an essential life-skill' in their view. It's a skill, which can come in handy, but you can still do without if necessary.

Not sure what my point is exactly, but I've typed this out now so you're getting it!

I don't drive. Or expect lifts. I have absolutely no sympathy for people who drive and then moan about it.

I stopped driving about 17 years ago. This was after I was assaulted over a parking space, and had panic attacks after that getting into the driving seat.
None of my children have melted from getting wet. They have still managed to get to school nursery and college. I manage to get to work.
I am not a drain on other drivers, ever. I walk, take the bus and taxi.
Old people getting to hospital appointments, well they have always managed in the past to get there. Even in areas where buses run once an hour, still get to appointments. Remember my nan going, no-one in the family drove, but in hindsight suppose the self people should have learned lol.

On the walking to school in bad weather issue - DS's school is is a biggish state secondary(c 1300 pupils) and they say they have no space for changing or storage. Coats should be 'hung on chairs' and school shoes should be black and 'robust enough to be waterproof'.

I think they are in cloud cuckoo Clarkson land.