To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

[Atthewelles]

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

Hey usual - Sabrina would be shocked by you!

Oh Christ not this hot potato again.

I can drive but having lived in largish cities for years haven't had a car until a few months ago when I acquired one for peanuts from a friend of my sister. (it is a nice to have not an essential)

I got around fine on public transport and still use my bike for commuting as taking a car into the city centre is (quite rightly) a no no.

If I am going somewhere and someone needs a lift that way I am more than happy to offer, I wouldn't be so churlish as to demand money for that. If I don't want to give someone a lift I won't offer. I wouldn't be so two faced as to volunteer and then play the martyr when my offer was taken up.

What I do find slightly irritating is my non-driving fiancée's lack of understanding and empathy. Stuff like fiddling with the radio whilst I'm trying to pull off at a busy junction, shouting 'Oh my god' at the top of her voice at something trivial, leading to the odd impromptu emergency stop.

The time that took the biscuit was when I'd driven from Liverpool to Brighton in atrocious weather whilst she napped in the passanger seat. When we arrived I said I was exhausted. I mentioned this to her and her response was 'Don't be silly you've been sitting down and listening to the radio (Ie driving) for most of the day. I bit my tongue but Sshe came very close to being my ex-fiancée at that moment.

Reading some of the responses on here I now understand why my mother refuses lifts from anyone - she probably thinks they will whinge about her behind her back! She once had a couple of lessons that she hated 40+ years ago but now has absolutely no confidence and would never want to drive even though she could afford to run a car (and my FIL is a trained instructor and has always offered to teach her if she wanted). She won't go to any evening events as the buses stop at 9pm, and she'd hate to feel obliged to anyone for a lift. I offer to pick her up at whatever time of night (she only lives half a mile away), but she won't even accept that.

I have adult friends who don't drive, I have never even asked if they have chosen to or have medical reasons - it's not my business - if they leave in my direction I am always happy to give them lifts.

People are v judgeypants about "having" to learn to drive - since DD1 turned 17 people kept asking when she was going to learn, as she has epilepsy she had to be seizure free for a full year to get her provisional. If you have never seen her have a fit you wouldn't know she couldn't drive for medical reasons.

SugarPlumMary -I got my first car 4 years after passing my test - and I was very nervous, but it's amazing how it comes back to you. Bit like riding a bike.

I'm also so old I never had to do the written test.

Another happy non-driver here. I have always lived in greater London, and though my parents both drove, I have never owned a car. Technically I can drive. I have a valid driving licence. I haven't been behind the wheel for 25 years, do you really want me out on the roads? I stopped doing it because I was terrible at it; have a problem telling my left from my right and not great at judging distances, as well as being scared to death of every other vehicle.

So I decided a couple of decades ago that I didn't want or need a car and therefore would always live places with decent public transport. I don't feel deprived and I'm certainly not a burden on others: I have quite a lot of car-free friends and on the few occasions we go to a Morris weekend that's in the sticks, the drivers in the team are happy to transport a few non-drivers for a share of petrol money on a long-ish journey - or, quite often, it's feasible for the non-drivers to get a train and a cab to the location anyway.

Oh dear - I've just realised this is a bunfighty thread. I didn't notice it stretched to 12 pages

Possibly usual

After all, some driving- swimmer man would come along and save the day if you fell into a river due to walking everywhere.

Are you any good with a hoop and stick, usual?

How have you made it this far usual ...

That good to hear SabrinaMulhollandJjones.

I think the sheer number of years between my non written test - just practical test for me too - and time I finally do need to drive may be more of an issue but you never know it might prove easier than I think .

I can see a point in our lives when driving will be necessary and not a luxury. It depends as we hope to be moving on another 12 months should be city location but transport may still be an issue especially as the DC get older.

Or spinning top maybe Line?

I can't drive due to well illness I feel very awkward saying as I don't feel ill or anything, but I can't see well enough to drive (infact the sight is damn awful).

However my Mum can't drive but I honestly think it's a good thing. She'd be waaay too nervous on the roads and I think being able to admit you wouldn't make a good driver and making the sensible decison not to drive is a great thing!

After saying that I'm laid back and not bothered about missing things I'm now starting to think that I'm not so laid back as this thread has reminded me of a couple of incidents of car driver selfishness.

A few years ago when I only had one child we had agreed to take the children ice-skating. Ds and I caught two buses and had a journey of 90 minutes to travel 5 miles to get there (in a car it takes less than 10 minutes). When we arrived my friends said the ice rink was full of "chavs" and they wanted to go home to a local venue. They didn't get why I was annoyed and wanted to stay.

Incident two - When ds2 was 6 weeks old we were all going to catch the train to Brighton, it was a 2 hour journey although there was only one change and it was a summer special so wasn't hideously expensive. They then decided that they would not catch the train and would drive instead because the train was going to be a faff and take too long. So now I was expected to take the train and be a Billy no mates and cope with a newborn baby and a small child on my own. When everyone was going the train journey seemed like a good idea but on my own it wasn't very appealing. I decided not to go but of course it is another example of me not bothering to make an effort.

I recently passed my test at the grand old age of 24 and wrote a car off in a week . It was only a minor accident and noone was hurt but the airbag popped out and as an airbag is about £1, 500 then it wasn't worth repairing it. Have a lovely VW polo. When anyone says to me; oh you must lov ethe freedom I say I don't feel any freer and certainly more scared and skint. I DO think that the prevailing car culture is far too unchallenged. We need to think of our impact on teh plant and I feel that car culture is NO 1 offender when it comes to environmental destruction and/or oil wars etc. What is wrong with public transport and why on earth are non-drivers made to feel bad? I am glad to have passed but I am hoping to move to London and one reason for doing so is better transport. Shall take car with but only use to travel out of London on day trips etc.

grand old age of 34 I meant!

Some people who don't drive use public transport, you know. If you're being plagued by someone looking for constant ferrying about, it says more about her personality than the incidental fact that she doesn't drive.
What a generalisation

Its funny how many non drivers are so defensive about the subject, I think deep down they know the op has a valid point but don't want to admit it. I was a very nervous learner and I still don't like driving but I realise it's a necessary skill so i do it. I used to have to drag the kids out and walk miles when I couldn't drive which is no problem when the weather is dry but it's selfish and unfair when it's lashing rain and miserable. I know people always say the kids don't mind but they have no choice! I am sure the poor sods would much rather sit in a warm dry car then trudge along in the rain and wind, anyone who protests otherwise is deluded.

I didn't learn to drive till I was 30 (took 5 tests)managed just fine and was a lot slimmer! had 2 kids by then and had to pass my test to get a job I really wanted/needed to get.

I have to drive now for work and live in a very rural isolated spot,but I still don't like it,its a chore to me.I would happily never drive again if I had alternative transport.To be honest don't understand people who do drive in cities.I know many people who live and work in cities who drive into work car remains there 8 hours and they return home again and they could do this on public transport.Why would you drive if you didn't have to?

Many people seen obsessed with their cars and the very act of driving it fascinates me.Many people fantasise sabout moving to the country when they retire I am going the other way and live in a city and never drive again.Brillant.

elah

i think the defensiveness comes from the fact the OP has called us a nuisance and PITA

elah dont' be so ridiculous.

Deep down a lot of us think the OP is being entirely unreasonable and tarring a massive group of people with the same brush.

What is selfish and unfair imo is to raise children who think rain and bad weather, is a reason to stay home...or a reason to be driven everywhere.

I would consider myself deluded and selfish, if I packed them into a car every time the UK whether didn't suit them.

And while we're making wild assumptions, if you don't like driving I'm willing to bet you're not very good at it either. Not everyone is naturally good at driving and those are the selfish lot who should stay off the roads and stop convincing their children they'll dissolve in the rain.

I'm defensive because I've had people whittering in my ear about driving for years despite the fact that I say I find driving painful due to my condition. However, the irritants and their petrol guzzling machines don't seem to realise that I don't want their opinions!