Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be thrilled with necklace from partner

78 replies

deb630 · 27/12/2012 13:42

I dont know if i am being an absolute cow or not. Was given a locket, I smiled and said it was lovely, even though i hated it. I ltr took it off and when he asked did i like i ummed and ahhed, and tried to say in the nicest way, that its just not me,its gold, i only like white gold, its too big and showy, and fussy, i only like very plain and simple small things.He had a fit, said i was ungrateful,but if i have to wear something for the rest of my life,i would have preferred to have at least liked it.He and his family, have made feel like im the lowest of the low. Im not a nasty person,i just feel so awful over this. He walked out on xmas day, and our relationship is on the rocks, we are meeting to talk tommorow night

OP posts:
mellen · 27/12/2012 13:44

You don't sound unreasonable. I think that most people would be disappointed to give someone a gift that they didn't like, not get angry.

usualsuspect3 · 27/12/2012 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purple2012 · 27/12/2012 13:44

There's obviously more to this than you not liking the necklace. It is difficult when given a gift you don't like. You tried to say you like it but it sounds like he has over reacted.

Hope you get it sorted.

usualsuspect3 · 27/12/2012 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantasHoHoHo · 27/12/2012 13:45

There are lots of issues there in just one paragraph. I think you need to address them individually. It's not really about the locket is it?

RooneyMara · 27/12/2012 13:46

You should be able to be honest and you were tactful - it sounds tbh like he is overreacting massively, and using it as an excuse.

You have done nothing awful; or wrong. Sorry x

usualsuspect3 · 27/12/2012 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RooneyMara · 27/12/2012 13:48

I think give it back to him when you see him, try and be as calm and nice as possible but it does sound like he wants out, or maybe you would both be happier without each other?

how are other aspects of your relationship?

Mumsyblouse · 27/12/2012 13:48

Can't say off the one incident- what's he normally like? I think in a mature relationship, it should be ok for one person to not be madly enthusiastic about a gift, I usually do thank my husband for the not so nice necklaces (and handbags, jewellery) and go on and on about the nice stuff.

But- do you want him back if he's going to flip about this stuff. I'd think long and hard about the whole relationship before grovelling.

RooneyMara · 27/12/2012 13:48

Usual - possibly due to them not being the issue at all, but an easy way or putting something intangible into focus.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2012 13:48

YWNBU. He was however BU.

I can understand him being a bit disappointed but anything more is just a bit silly.

Emo76 · 27/12/2012 13:50

he walked out over that??? what???

WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 13:52

This has to be about more than a locket OP.

fatlazymummy · 27/12/2012 13:57

There's a couple of points I'd like to mention. Firstly, you don't have to wear this locket 'for the rest of your life' just because he bought it for you. Personally I would have kept it for 'special occassions' ie once a year when I went out just with him. So perhaps you could have been a little bit more tactful.
Secondly, it's got nothing to do with his family.
Overall though, I wouldn't be happy at all with him storming out like that. It sounds very immature to me. Is he going to react like this every time you don't respond the way he thinks you should?

SantasHoHoHo · 27/12/2012 13:59

He and his family, have made feel like im the lowest of the low

What has his family said to make you feel that way?

Original poster
deb630 · 27/12/2012 14:00

it was just about the locket, hes furious, said when someone puts such thought and love into it,that even if i didnt like it, i just should have bit my tongue and just accepted it. He picked up all his presents, took my necklace and went home, I text ltr and he said i broke his heart ny throwing it back. I didnt throw it bak though, i barely got to say i didnt like it,as he just looked at me so angrily, i didnt want to talk to him anymore

OP posts:
mercibucket · 27/12/2012 14:01

If you said you didn't like it in a tactful way, and didn't throw it in his face or anything, then he is being very very horrible and I doubt this is a one-off. Good excuse to split up, perhaps? Bet he doesn't want to separate, just wants to put you back in your place. Do you really want him back?

Original poster
deb630 · 27/12/2012 14:02

Thats what my son said to say, keep it for special occasions, and in hindsight i wish i had taken his advice!

OP posts:
WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 14:02

I don't get in then.

One minute you're talking about being with him for the rest of your life and now your relationship is on the rocks because you don't like your present?

Really?? Confused

MerylStrop · 27/12/2012 14:04

I think you are best of out of that, if you want my not so humble opinion.

peeriebear · 27/12/2012 14:04

He clearly has issues coming out of his ears. My grandparents have asked me to exchange their gift for something similar but that they would like a lot more. I said "No problem" because it's about the recipient liking their present, not the giver getting all butthurt over it.

usualsuspect3 · 27/12/2012 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RooneyMara · 27/12/2012 14:07

I'm sorry OP, yes, I know he acted like it was only about the locket, but truly, it wasn't.

There was no conversation, you didn't even get to speak as far as the end of your sentence. He was set up, READY to respond like that.

Why? Because he is already angry with you, about something else - probably which has nothing to do with anything you have done. He is just angry. Or maybe he wants to break up - and pinning this all onto you is massively unfair! No way did you deserve a response like that.

It sounds like he was waiting for an excuse to blame all of it on you so he could say, I left her because she was an ungrateful cow - not I left her because it just wasn't working out, or I've met someone else, or I wanted more sex, or any other reason he might have.

It's so transparent. He gets to save face, you get to feel shitty, and take all the blame. He sounds like a git anyway.

Crinkle77 · 27/12/2012 14:07

If your relationship is on the rocks over something as trivial as you not liking your xmas present then that does not bode well for the future

Original poster
deb630 · 27/12/2012 14:07

hes very old fashioned and says things like thats how he was brought up by his gran, that you should appreciate any gift. I do appreciate it, i just dont like it. Thanks to everyone who has replied, just wanted to see peoples opinions on it

OP posts: