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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be thrilled with necklace from partner

78 replies

deb630 · 27/12/2012 13:42

I dont know if i am being an absolute cow or not. Was given a locket, I smiled and said it was lovely, even though i hated it. I ltr took it off and when he asked did i like i ummed and ahhed, and tried to say in the nicest way, that its just not me,its gold, i only like white gold, its too big and showy, and fussy, i only like very plain and simple small things.He had a fit, said i was ungrateful,but if i have to wear something for the rest of my life,i would have preferred to have at least liked it.He and his family, have made feel like im the lowest of the low. Im not a nasty person,i just feel so awful over this. He walked out on xmas day, and our relationship is on the rocks, we are meeting to talk tommorow night

OP posts:
TheNebulousBoojum · 27/12/2012 17:30

Although I suppose talking about a Fred on a different Fred is Bad Manners too.
You could report me for being impolite.

usualsuspect3 · 27/12/2012 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fatlazymummy · 27/12/2012 18:47

The OP just didn't think the present was suitable for her, not 'not good enough'.
I don't know if the OP has discussed this with him or showed him the type of jewellry that she does like though. Personally I think it helps to be very specific about this type of thing to avoid disappointment.

Sallyingforth · 27/12/2012 19:21

In a healthy relationship a small matter like this shouldn't lead to a serious row.

peaceandlovebunny · 27/12/2012 19:22

let him go. let him take the necklace, if he likes.

Original poster
deb630 · 27/12/2012 19:23

Thats the thing though, he knows i only like white gold. Hes previously bought earrings and a ring that i have loved. I only like quite simple plain jewellery and he knows this, this is big and showy. Thanks to everyone for their opinions, it has helped me

OP posts:
BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers · 27/12/2012 19:26

I would have told him |I loved it then lost it accidentally-on-purpose and acted devastated about it.

FromEsme · 27/12/2012 19:30

Any other family member, I would just suck it up and say I liked it.

I don't want to have to ever lie to my partner and would prefer if he told me he didn't like something. He feels the same.

He is being a knob.

thebody · 27/12/2012 19:34

You need a real crisis in your lives to get a grip but I hope you never get one.

I suggest you are both enjoying the drama or else this is too ridiculous for words.

judefawley · 27/12/2012 19:36

I would have said thanks but sorry, I don't like it.

Dh would have said, that's ok, sorry for getting it wrong, we'll go change it for something you love.

And if he knows you don't like yellow gold, he hasn't put 'thought and love' into it.

simplesusan · 27/12/2012 19:41

He sounds childish to behave like this over a Christmas present.
I am also freaked out about you having to wear it for the rest of your life.

It is only a piece of jewellery, not a flaming crucifix that you have to carry.

thebody · 27/12/2012 19:42

Grow up both of you..

usualsuspect3 · 27/12/2012 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzypicklehead · 27/12/2012 19:55

My now DH did the same and bought me an ornate gold locket. I'm allergic to gold. I just wore it outside my clothes and after a while I quietly retired it. (Luckily, I took on a job where jewellery is a no no, so no emotional fallout.)

juniperdewdrop · 27/12/2012 20:39

Dp bought me a sweater that looked nice off, not on. He even said it himself thank God. We're taking it back this weekend and I'll exchange it. He was sad as he loved the gifts from me and dss. He'd bought me a lovely dress and jewellery for a ball we went to so it's not as if I've gone short. I'd rather give anyway and he knows that.

Your OH sounds hard work OP. He could maybe do with some therapy to get to the root of his problems? This will only happen again over something else.

Dottiespots · 27/12/2012 20:46

I would never tell my husband that I dont like a present as I know that he has put alot of thought into it. Men like giving presents to the woman they love and do get upset if you dont like it, want to exchange it or return it. Just the way most of them are. Its usually best to keep it to yourself.

JustFabulous · 27/12/2012 20:46

Last Christmas DH bought me a necklace and matching earrings. He knows I love jewellery. Unfortunately he forgot I can't wear earrings and had bought them to match the necklace as an extra gift. He wanted to spoil me. I didn't like them. I explained about not being able to wear earrings, and how much I love the diamond necklace he had previously bought me, so he took it back to the shop. He wasn't angry. He didn't shout. He was just disappointed for me I hadn't got something I liked.

Your DP feels strongly about this. You need to talk sensibly and honestly as this really is not just about a locket.

Sanjifair · 27/12/2012 20:49

I don't know why you had to be so ungracious. Saying its lovely, then just wearing it once in a while wouldn't have killed you, would it?

I was brought up to be gracious when given a present I didn't particularly like. It stuns me people can be so rude when given a present!

Panzee · 27/12/2012 20:52

I didn't like my engagement ring when my husband gave it to me. I didn't say anything because he had chosen it and given it to me.

I grew to love it and now think it's the most beautiful piece of jewellery I own.

I think you are both being unreasonable. Although his reaction was completely OTT.

MrsDeVere · 27/12/2012 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wheresmypopcorn · 27/12/2012 20:55

Wtf? Why would he walk out over that? My partner gave me a bracelet that I am unsure of. I told him I was very grateful he had spent on me and gone and surprised me but that I wasn't sure about the bracelet and would try it with the right outfit. He is not offended he knows I would not want to waste his money if I feel it's something I wouldn't wear and would prefer I exchange it for something I will wear. I was flattered though that he had been so romantic and sweet.

judefawley · 27/12/2012 21:00

I disagree.

What's the point in pretending you love a (probably expensive) gift if you don't? My dh would much rather I swapped it for something I really liked and would wear.

I would always say if I didn't like something. (This probably explains my dh's look of complete angst as I open my gifts.)

He is usually very good and imaginative but one year he bought me a coat identical to one I had already. There was no way I would've said nothing! We joke about it now. (I was pregnant and hormonal, so burst into tears)

surfingbabies · 27/12/2012 21:32

Your lucky you got something, I got absolutely nothing off my DP....not even a card and I'm heavily pregnant with his baby so i think I deserved something Hmm
I would have pretended I liked it & thanked him Smile

CrazyChristmasLady · 27/12/2012 22:26

YANBU. Why should you lie when you don't like it?

Does he not know you well enough to know that its not even the usual colour of jewellery that you usually wear?

I wear yellow gold. I wouldn't want white gold as it wouldn't go with all the other stuff, earrings, wedding ring etc that I always wear.

You weren't rude, he was OTT. I don't see why we can't tell people that we don't like a present. I always make a point of saying that someone can change it if they don't like it. I would rather they did that than me waste my money on something that I bought in good faith but ultimately would sit at the back of a drawer.

RooneyMara · 28/12/2012 06:44

He reacted that way because he's massively defensive. He's been hurt severely in the past (by his mum) and was almost anticipating it.

I think the OP was set up. He knew she might not like it, he knows her taste, he was waiting for the response and he reacted as though she had mortally wounded him, because he's playing a game of 'you're just like my mother'.

It's really nothing to do with reality or what the OP actually did or said.

imho