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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think fatherin law is a selfish so and so

46 replies

bluer · 26/12/2012 23:01

We're staying at their house for a week. I'm seven Weeks pregnant and my father in law has been told not to smoke his stinky pipe around me. Unfortunately he seems to take this to mean in the same room and had been smoking on the kitchen. Now that i've retreated to bed he is merrily smoking away ( chain smoking,)0 in the living room and I can totally smell it. I have super sense of smell at the moment but even at that I think its strong. I know its his house and its freezing outside but I'm pissed off that he has such little sensitivity. Am I being unseasonable? Tempted to tell dh we're going home but he only sees his folks a few times a year. Its six hours from home so I can't go myself.

OP posts:
NannyEggn0gg · 26/12/2012 23:03

I am extremely anti-smoking, but yes, I think you're being unreasonable and a leetle teeny bit precious.

FestiveElement · 26/12/2012 23:04

YABVU. It's his house, be grateful that he has agreed to smoke away from you. If he didn't care or was completely inconsiderate, he wouldn't even have done that.

You either have to put up with it graciously, or go home. You can't have it all our own way just because you are pregnant.

jessjessjess · 26/12/2012 23:06

Yabu as it's his house and he's in another room, sorry

SantasHoHoHo · 26/12/2012 23:06

I best not comment, I'm very anti smoking!

Shenanagins · 26/12/2012 23:11

Really feel for you as i am pregnant and the smell of smoke makes me feel ill, was the same with the last pregnancy. It is however his house so you may have to just suck it up but you could try to mention this without it sounding confrontational.

HollyBerryBush · 26/12/2012 23:15

You knew he smoked when you agreed to stay.

YABVVU

cornystollenslave · 26/12/2012 23:17

yabu

Original poster
bluer · 26/12/2012 23:20

Its the smell making me feel ill rather then being precious iyswim. I agreed to come on the condition there would be no smoking...he has chosen to interpret no smoking in a selfish way.

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 26/12/2012 23:22

I think you need to man up.

WildWorld2004 · 26/12/2012 23:22

YABU. It is his house. You can not tell him where he can smoke.

WorraLorraTurkey · 26/12/2012 23:23

I was all set to say YANBU until I realised whose house it is.

He is keeping it away from you and to be honest, you'd breathe in worse standing at a bus stop.

I accept it can't be nice for you, but you can't bubble wrap yourself for you whole pregnancy I'm afraid.

HollyBerryBush · 26/12/2012 23:23

Pack your bags and go home.

thixotropic · 26/12/2012 23:24

Hmmmm

Splinters on my arse here.

His house, and he has kept away from you as requested..

But

He has obv never been pregnant(!) The smell of smoke had me really retching. Plus it's bloody bad for you. Pipe smoke is far worse than cig smoke for carcinogens and toxins.

I'd see if dp would take u home due to 'pg related illness,' (to save face all round) and he can stay with them for an extended visit later in the year.

If I was the stinky smoker and you were my pg guest, I'd take it outside for the duration of your visit.

How are you going to handle visit with the baby with his smoking - you are probably going to have to set some boundaries re smoking sooner or later?

ThePoppyAndTheIvy · 26/12/2012 23:25

I'm sorry because I can understand that the smell might be awful for you at the moment but YABU.

It's his house & he is meeting you part way by smoking in a different room to you.

FestiveElement · 26/12/2012 23:26

You agreed to come on the condition there was no smoking?

Who did you agree this with, your DH or your FIL?

He isn't being anymore selfish than you are. You both want your own way, but he's in his own home so can do what he likes as you are free to leave. He has compromised by smoking away from you, and as he's a smoker, he probably genuinely doesn't realise how much it smells.

I think you are being wry unkind to call him selfish when he has agreed not to smoke in the same room as you.

whois · 26/12/2012 23:26

On the fence here too. I HATE the smell of smoke so can totally see where you are coming from OP, but it is his house and he probably doesn't get how horrible you are finding it.

zippey · 26/12/2012 23:26

At 7 weeks, a week in a smokers house wont harm baby. And you should be grateful he is being conisderate enough to go into another room to smoke. What do you want him to do, go outside his house to smoke?

On a practical suggestion, have you thought about getting one of those anti-pollution masks? You'll look like Hannibal Lecter but if you are that worried, it might help.

But it is his house. I take it you wouldnt be too happy if you were asked to stop doing something in your house if relatives were visiting?

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 26/12/2012 23:27

Does he know it makes you feel sick?

FestiveElement · 26/12/2012 23:29

You could always go and stand outside yourself while he is smoking, couldn't you?

If its good enough for him to do it, then it's good enough for you too. The smell will still be there when you get in, but it won't be as strong so you'd be likely not to feel as ill.

WorraLorraTurkey · 26/12/2012 23:29

Lots of smells make people feel sick, especially during pregnancy.

Smoke
Perfume
Coffee
Onions
Burgers
Mint

Etc..etc... but you can't avoid them all.

Gryffindor · 26/12/2012 23:34

I think yanbu. Smoking in the house is revolting, even worse when it is a pipe. Gets embedded into furniture, carpet etc so even if he is not actually smoking in the same room you still cannot escape it. Yuck.

Agree it is his house, his rules, but even if you were not preg this would be difficult to tolerate.

I wouldn't be coming to stay again tbh.

Inertia · 26/12/2012 23:36

I'm very anti- smoking, and had pregnancy sickness which the smell of smoke was a trigger for, so you have my sympathy. Thing is, I bet your FIL thinks he is being considerate - most smokers don't realise how much they (and the fags / pipes/ cigars) stink.

You need to explain to DH how ill the smell is making you, and look at the options together . He could reiterate to FIL that it's making you ill, and that while you appreciate that he can do as he likes in his own house, unless he smokes outside you'll need to go home.

Inertia · 26/12/2012 23:39

Festive - it'd probably seem worse when she came back in after breathing fresh air - the smell of smoke lingers for ages.

WorraLorraTurkey · 26/12/2012 23:39

What good would him smoking outside do when the smell is ingrained in the soft furnishings and even the wallpaper/plaster?

pinkyp · 26/12/2012 23:43

You are being unreasonable but I totally see ur point and actually agree that he shouldn't