Drama loving SIL and her awful parenting

[FobblyWoof]

Uh, sorry this is way more of a rant than an AIBU but I just have to get it out.

Went to MIL for Christmas lunch yesterday. Got there at half two (they don't eat til gone three) and it was clear that SIL had been drinking. She's not a big drinker so whatever she has goes to her head but she'd definitely had too much. Her DC are 4 and 2.

It's christmas, so i understand wanting a drink but It transpired after lunch that her DP had also been drinking but hadn't had as much as SIL. The kids generally run rampant anyway. When they're calm they're lovely to be around but more often than not that's not the case. By 4pm they were both shattered. They'd been up since 3.30 that morning and it had clearly been a long day.

SIL went for a lie down upstairs (after spending ages ignoring the kids while she used her ipad. This is not a new thing) and when she came down her DP said he was taking the kids home. They live literally around the corner and the kids were both in tears and had got to the point where they couldn't be reasoned with. SIL then has a go at her DP, the gist being that she's having a good time and there's no way they're leaving. This included him and the kids.

He's a complete wet lettuce and just sat there sulking in the corner. Meanwhile both children keep falling over through exhaustion. The two year old asked MIL for a drink and spilt it everywhere because she couldn't even hold it. All the while SIL is sat on her useless arse ignoring them. they continue the scream, and no one is saying anything.

My DP (SIL's brother) had been in the kitchen so I told him what was happening. He calls SIL over (because he can usually get through to her), and says that her kids are clearly unhappy, let her DP take them home and we will take her back later so she can have a good time.

My DP then goes through to speak to her DP (politiely telling him to man up because his kids are more important) and SIL storms upstairs accusing my DP of calling her a bad mum etc. She is, but he didn't say that, nor did he imply it. MIL then runs up to talk to her.

Ten minutes later she's downstairs ready to go. My DP goes to apologise to her (because everyone in the family has been taught to pander to her) and she lays into him saying how much of a good mother she is even when drunk (she's not) and how even though we have DD now (who is less than a year) he doesn't know better etc.

Just to note, before we had DD she knew better than us because she was a parent, despite that fact she's much younger, has no life experience and is uneducated and now that we have DD we still don't know better than her.

So then we have to reassure her that's not the case and no one was criticising her because no one wants to see her lose it. She then left and I went mad. I was so unbelievably pissed off that not only had she been a shit parent, she creates drama and we all have to feed into it (because MIL has never EVER called her up on it) but she brought (albeit inadvertently) my PFB into it. Please also note that my 10mo is better behaved than her four year old.

Then we had to act normal with her today! I suppose I have to have an AIBU, so AIBU to still be shaking with rage every time I think of her and her stupid face?

That feels so much better

I wasn't aware a 10month old could misbehave! I think calling her a bad mother is pretty disgusting. You quite obviously think your much better than her.

DD1 was a hellish baby who turned into quite possibly the best behaved toddler ever, and hasn't put a foot wrong since. Honestly, it's like I gave birth to an angel.

She did, however, lull me into a very smug sense of false security. DD2 was the world's most perfect baby, complete breeze. She then turned 18 months and very swiftly descended into an absolute hellion. A personal low point was the day she (aged 2. something) rugby tackled a small boy of about 4 into a shop display stand, and proceeded to beat him up. I had to bodily remove her.

Your smugness will bite you in the ass OP. And I'd love to be your SIL when it does, she is going to die laughing.

I started to air on your side, until i got part way through and the fact it was also Christmas!

10m is not comparable to 4yo, you have a hell of a lot to learn!

It's Christmas, the ipad im assuming was a gift and i guess the poor woman wanted a rest for a while have two young dc, and where was sil dp during all of this??-he has equal duties in watching the dc!

You caused the drama by creating a situation out of something & nothing.
Kids were tired, very tired but lets not forget this is one time of year where dcs routines of bed are relaxed.

If the dc were as uncontrollable as you say, with all 4 adults there, surely there is enough authority to calm the dc between you??

You sound quite nasty in the way you speak of sil but are yet to explain what makes her bad mum!?
You say SHE is inexperienced, yet she has four yrs of parenting behind her, not 10m!

You say she is uneducated; Snotty thing to say and doesn't imply she is a bad parent!

Well I was thinking she was shit tbh first impression. Maybe she did leave them running about unabated too long. Her dh realised this so there is something in that the children were tired, overwhelmed etc.

She sounds lazy, but is it a case of her taking a day off? Or is she always like this. It does seem you are a bit hmm pfb, but she also sounds like a lazy ass. It would annoy me too.

I think your comparison was tounge in cheek btw.

I don't think she sounds shit, she sounds knackered and put upon to me. And surrounded by a bunch of smug tutters.

Christ, I bet MiL can't wait for you to leave

OP? You dur OP?

Just to note, before we had DD she knew better than us because she was a parent, despite that fact she's much younger, has no life experience and is uneducated and now that we have DD we still don't know better than her.
^^
Sorry other post but you have got alot to learn!! Get your nose out the parenting manual, there was enough adults that could have helped, you are all family. So what if she had a drink its not a crime nor is a sit down especially with 2 children under 5.
Good luck when yours gets to that age and behaves as a toddler, terrible 2's is not a myth.
Being uneducated has nothing to do with bad parenting either nor being a younger mother.
Next time whind your neck in and perhaps support her not judge her

I hate it when OPs just fuck and run.

Leaves you feeling dirty, and used

'she brought (albeit inadvertently) my PFB into it'

pot...kettle...black

Leaves me frustrated, Can't remember the last time I had a good ruck. :(

thread teaser

Well, I suppose if I'd been the SIL & my dh had offered to take my tired & mardy toddlers home, leaving me to have a few festive ones with my family & play on my new Ipad, I'd probably have been delighted.

But equally it's hardly Crap Mum territory that she preferred to keep them there, at the family party. Definitely not appropriate for OP & Op's dp to be scuttling about directing SIL & her dp as to how to wrangle their dc...& it's not SIL who comes across as the drama llama in this scenario.

Geeze, if I'd been up since 3.30 am,I'd behave badly (and I'm a wonderful mum ). Why on earth would they be up at that hour? Christmas brings out the worst behaviour,especially when children and adults are tired and emotional.

If we could just expect poor behaviour and be pleased when everyone behaves well, we'd all enjoy Christmas.

In some ways I can see your point - why didn't SIL just let DH take the kids home? But on the other hand, that's between the two of them. Mr "Wet lettuce" is an adult an can be badgered by his wife if he chooses to. The best thing for you to do is either help out with the kids (seeings your PFB is so well behaved) or have a few drinks and enjoy the festivities...

Perhaps cutting her a bit of slack on Christmas day might work. I'm not suggesting she be pandered to all the time, but Christmas day? why not? Or, don't spend Christmas with her?

Age and life experience is irrelevant as is education. I had dd before my older sister had her kids. I never criticized her, nor did she me. We helped each other because that's what mums do. They're helpful to other mums. Whilst you can sympathize with her and help her you could at least have kept quiet. Had you not said about what was going on to your dp she wouldn't have got so upset. Being a parent is scary and the second someone criticizes your parenting you immediately go into protection mode. You'll learn all this.

*can't sympathize

SIL,is that you?
My sil is a sanctamonous cow who bad mouthed me to all of DH family because I let her tantrum instead of cuddling her cause she was distressed . I was therefore a bad mother.

I was secretly smug when her DS (2.8 years) threw an almighty tantrum on Christmas day,complete with roaring and kicking. My own 2 year old sat there like butter wouldn't melt eating her dinner whereas usually she's up and down like a yoyo from the table I swear she knew I needed that little 'yessss' moment. Sil had made me feel like crap from the moment I arrived.

She sounds like a nightmare and generally speaking YANBU, however you cannot say that your ten month old is 'better behaved' than two toddlers. That's just a daft and naive thing to say.

This is one of the funniest ope I have read.

OP you sound awful. And heading for a massive fall. She probably is not a bad mum at all. You just think she is.

You can not compare a 10 month old to 2 older kids. You clearly don't understand.
also you talk about how people have been taught to pander to her. But are the one that is shit stirring by having a word of encouragement in his ear. Can your dh not have a thought all his own? And going and telling the do how to behave? Really?

One day your kids will kick off and someone will comment how shit you are at parenting and you will feel shit. That person may also think you stupid and your dh a dick for ring manipulated by you.

I let Dd tantrum*
I hope the OPs kid kicks off in the middle of tescos over some crappy plastic toy and the tutters are all there shopping.

The only thing I think when reading the OP is just what a nasty, egotistical, cow bag the OP is. Someone is heading for a fall me thinks. I have a 4 and a 2 year old and my 4 year old had a meltdown on Christmas Day.
10 month old well behaved my arse.

HTH.

Oh dear.

OP I'm guessing you might be reading these replies but not posting. Here's what to do next time.

1. Pitch in and help with her tired kids. This will achieve two things. Give her a break (Christ if her kids have been up since 3.30, odds are so has she and SHE will be shattered!). Second it will give you a bit of experience with dealing with older kids, which can never be a bad thing.

1. Second, she will know you are judging her. "before we had DD she knew better than us because she was a parent, despite that fact she's much younger, has no life experience and is uneducated" . Yes. She did know better than you about parenting things. She still does, really, though you might have different opinions on things. So a good thing to do would be to ask her opinion from time to time.

1. Kids don't really shake with tiredness IME. That sounds like hyper-overexcitedness. But if her child was that tired, for future reference, the best thing to have done would have been to either a. make a little bed up for him, say upstairs, and see if he'd go to sleep or b. read to him.

I dunno, I don't think that the OP sounds that bad, just very naive. But not unusually so for one with a single baby PFB. Maybe this can be a learning experience?

I sat and played on my iPad for some of yesterday while mil, Bil and sil entertained my children . Dh did too but then he abdicates all parenting responsibility the minute he crosses his parent's threshold, reverts back to being 18, with these 2 small children being some sort of relative.
Not really relevant to the thread but I needed someething to post to get me on it and see if the op comes back :o