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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit miffed for my little DD?

87 replies

ChristabelChristmas · 26/12/2012 19:20

DD will be 4 next week and today PIL informed me that they will not be buying her any birthday presents as she got so many for Christmas. They said that she has enough to "keep her going" so they'll just give her a card. I can't help but feel a bit upset for her as I also have a Christmas(ish) birthday and know what it's like for people to gloss over it ... but I'm not 4! AIBU to feel that they should have kept one back for her birthday if they were concerned about her getting too many yesterday?

OP posts:
pjmama · 26/12/2012 19:21

That's crappy and you should tell them so.

MyLittleAprilSunshine · 26/12/2012 19:22

I completely agree with you, OP. I'd've kept a present back for her or at very least bought her some nice choccies or something!

AltinkumATEalltheTurkey · 26/12/2012 19:22

Well a card is ok, but I'd be saying to them, that Christmas isn't her birthday, and if they are buying for the rest of their grandchildren ironist fair on your dd, just because she was born near Xmas. X

gimmecakeandcandy · 26/12/2012 19:23

Agreed. Tell them, they could always give money for her bank account. What a shitty thing to do! I hope you don't buy them presents for their birthday!

Nasty fuckers!

yellowsheep · 26/12/2012 19:24

'I will happily send her a little something that isn't a selection box reindeer/snowman toy or a calender. I have twin boys with an Xmas birthday.... It's the wrapping it in Xmas paper that annoys me the most.... just pm your address. :)

cozietoesie · 26/12/2012 19:24

Oh that is rotten. Speak to them about it and let them know how important a birthday is (at any age - but especially for one so young) because it's your very own day.

Loislane78 · 26/12/2012 19:24

Why don't they take her out instead of a present then - cinema and snacks or something? Make her feel special and you get a rest too! :)

Whistlingwaves · 26/12/2012 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ChristabelChristmas · 26/12/2012 19:24

Ok, good. Thought I was being greedy on her behalf! They bought me come books I've already read and I'm thinking of taking them back and exchanging them for something for DD. That way they have actually bought her something! Is that immoral?!

OP posts:
MsElleTow · 26/12/2012 19:25

YANBU.
Why can't they give you some money to buy her something later on in the Summer when she might like something for the garden? I think it is mean to not buy her anything at all!

My DC both have December birthdays, my PIL have always split the money they would have spent on them at Christmas between their birthdays as well, "because December is an expensive month!" Their cousins, however, get more because their birthdays are spread throughout the year. I don't see why they can't put some money aside in May, for example, when they don't have any one else to buy for!

jessjessjess · 26/12/2012 19:25

That effing sucks. It's not her fault she's a January baby. I'm sure she would rather have fewer presents but have something to open then too.

Toomuchturkeyatendofthedinner · 26/12/2012 19:31

I think it is such a shame people think like this. Would they not buy for a Gc that had a birthday close to, say, Easter or their summer holiday date? Of course not. So why should a child be penalised just cos they happened to be born near Xmas? It's so unfair. I have a friend with a birthday very close to Xmas and I make sure to get her a card and a non xmassy pressie in birthday paper every year to show I am thinking of her, and she is in her 40s!!!

Agree they should have kept a present back. You need to say your piece this year or this will become the norm and she will never get presents from them again and that would be hurtful when she is old enough to figure it out for herself, esp if she has cousins etc to compare to. Yes get her something for the book money but please say something to avoid future problems. Good luck!!

OddBoots · 26/12/2012 19:32

I would exchange the books in your shoes and get something for her then tell them what you have done and that you've done it because she is four so wouldn't understand.

peaceandlovebunny · 26/12/2012 19:33

that's horrible. why should she suffer because her birthday is close to christmas?

ledkr · 26/12/2012 19:34

How rude and nasty.
Don't get them presents for their birthday and tell them at their age they've had many before so probably have too much anyway.

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/12/2012 19:34

YANBU. That's awful. I know a few people born close to Christmas and they've all said people tried to pull this when they were younger.

The ones I know born on Christmas Eve/Day and Boxing Day have had particular problems with it.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 26/12/2012 19:36

YANBU! dd1 has a New Years Eve birthday, and I know how difficult it is, but still no excuse for no pressie!!

Original poster
ChristabelChristmas · 26/12/2012 19:37

Thanks everyone - I think I will take my books back to get something for her. She plays so nicely with her toys and books too and it's not as if she has hundreds and so wouldn't even notice.
I'll speak to DH to see how we can word our discontent!

OP posts:
whois · 26/12/2012 19:38

That's crap.

Maybe they could give money for you to buy something that she needs/wants later in the year if they feel so strongly about nothing else now.

Def tell them that it's extremely unfair to not get anything for DD if they are going to buy for other grandchildren.

I can kind of see their point that if your DD has just had everything she wanted/needed and the house is full of excess crap then they are a bit loath to buy something else now.

missrlr · 26/12/2012 19:41

Noooooo
DN has December bday we always make the effort to ensure birthday is the biggest celebration TBH Christmas falls by the wayside for us but she wont know as all grandparents (first grandchild on both sides) go berserk trying to outdo each other then.

We just take her out and make her smile - shocking relatives aren't we?

leeloo1 · 26/12/2012 19:44

Maybe say through gritted teeth that you understand where they're coming from, but that dd won't, so next year please could they save an Xmas present to give her on her birthday.

Then you get across that dd will be upset, but in a non-complainy and non-graspy way so they can't complain and hopefully will do the right thing.

financialwizard · 26/12/2012 19:46

FFS so rude.

I have 2 nieces and one nephew whose birthdays are in December (one Christmas Eve) and we have made sure that they get the same spent on them that the other nieces and nephews do for their birthdays throughout the year. If the little one's birthday was Christmas Day I would still buy a birthday & Christmas present.

kerstina · 26/12/2012 19:47

YANBU it shows a complete lack of imagination and empathy. Very mean spirited of them. I suppose their generation hardly had anything but an orange and nuts in their stockings so probably think todays children are spoilt. My birthday is the 29 th December and after xmas was over I really used to look forward to my birthday to open a few more presents. They have obviously forgotten what it is to be a 4 year old and excited about your birthday. They could have given her an entertainer voucher so she could choose something or a new bear. Please have a word and argue your case.

breatheslowly · 26/12/2012 19:49

It's a perfect time of year to take her on an outing as a treat if they feel she doesn't need any more stuff. But to ignore it is just mean. She sees everyone else's birthdays and has a right for her day to be just as special.

What does your DH think - he is the obvious person to sort it out.

CaptChaos · 26/12/2012 19:51

YANBU.

I have a December birthday, and I always got 'combined' presents. They were usually not dissimilar to the Christmas present my brother would be getting, and he also had a birthday in August. A friend had a fabulous thing with her Christmas Eve DS, where he would get summer toys/clothes/things for his birthday, which would then be taken out for his faux birthday party sometime in the Summer, so, lots of pressies to unwrap on his birthday, and a lovely outdoor party to celebrate in the summer, best of both worlds! Might that work for you?