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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit miffed for my little DD?

87 replies

ChristabelChristmas · 26/12/2012 19:20

DD will be 4 next week and today PIL informed me that they will not be buying her any birthday presents as she got so many for Christmas. They said that she has enough to "keep her going" so they'll just give her a card. I can't help but feel a bit upset for her as I also have a Christmas(ish) birthday and know what it's like for people to gloss over it ... but I'm not 4! AIBU to feel that they should have kept one back for her birthday if they were concerned about her getting too many yesterday?

OP posts:
Almostfifty · 26/12/2012 19:53

It is absolutely awful to have a birthday near Christmas (I speak from bitter experience). You are always overlooked, have your birthday presents wrapped in Christmas paper, and are frequently given something at Christmas for both that would never add up to the same amount. It will only get worse as she gets older if you don't sort it now.

It has taken me nearly fifty years to get used to the fact that this is how it is. It's not on for a four year old. Just ask them how they'd feel if they were in her shoes. It's not on.

Whosaysitstheseasontobejolly · 26/12/2012 19:55

My dad felt sorry for my youngest (who's birthday is the week before Christmas) when he was about 4, and said that it was too long to wait.

So gave him a card for his 4th birthday, and a slide in the summer as a birthday present.

Unfortunately fortunately my dc is not shy in coming forward, and said "Thank you very much for the slide Granddad but my birthday is not in the summer it's in December and that's when I should get my birthday presents."

Dad didn't make the same "mistake" again and now always gives a birthday present and a week later a Christmas present.

As they say out of the mouths of babes - sometimes it requires the child to tell them.

bunnybing · 26/12/2012 19:56

My dd has a birthday v near christmas and even my mum (who I always thought was incredibly tight) doesn't pull a stunt like this!

annielouisa · 26/12/2012 19:57

Why not suggest they buy some panto tickets or something similar so she knows they have not ignored her birthday. Explain tactfully that their plan although logical is the logic of an adult not a 4 year old.

SantasENormaSnob · 26/12/2012 19:58

Yanbu

That is just mean.

ZuleikaJambiere · 26/12/2012 19:59

Your poor DD, my DD1 was 4 last weekend and said to me this morning 'Christmas was so much fun and so exciting, but my birthday was even more exciting than that'. I was thrilled that her birthday wasn't overshadowed - it's not her fault we conceived her in April. I hope your DD loves her birthday as much as mine did, many happy returns to her Smile

Onezerozero · 26/12/2012 20:03

It is mean, they could take her out on an activity, or buy vouchers to be spent in the summer even!

redwallday · 26/12/2012 20:04

My sons birthday is new years eve and so far every year I have thrown him a big party (he's 4 on Sunday). Everyone always asks why I do it after all the expense of Christmas etc, well my answer is that his birthday is just as special as anyone else's so I like to make a big thing of it so people don't just lump it in with Christmas! My mums birthday is the 6th of January and I do the same for her too. As a kid my mum never had presents because of Christmas. I think it's a shitty thing to do and you should tell them so! If they don't want to send a present, take her out or send money so you can spoil her later in the year.

shemademedoit · 26/12/2012 20:05

I can only add my sympathies. My daughters birthday is today. Totally sucks.

Piemistress · 26/12/2012 20:07

YANBU! DS has a Xmas day birthday. He is only 3 but still gets joint presents or nothing for his birthday from some relatives.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 26/12/2012 20:12

That's mean! DD was 4 on 23 Dec and all family really made an effort to make sure that she had presents to open on the day (live all over the country).

We had a tea party on the day with friends from preschool, proper party food and games. I think birthdays are important...

girlsyearapart · 26/12/2012 20:14

Yanbu! My niece is dec 21 and just turned 5.

We make a big fuss of her & buy her the same amount of presents as we would if her birthday was at any other time.

My dad got told off by me & my mum for using Xmas paper to wrap her present he got her!

teacherwith2kids · 26/12/2012 20:31

My DH has a birthday around Christmas, and his parents did this to him every year. My mum baked him a birthday cake - his first since the age of c. 3 - on his 30th birthday, and he cried.

What made it wose was that his sibling's birthday was only a couple of weeks later, but they got the full-on party / presents extravaganza.

I make a big thing of DH's birthday now, though his family still think this is VERY wierd. This year's present from them to him was a hanky (and as I got one from them as part of my Christmas present from them, it wasn't exactly 'extra')

TennisFan42 · 26/12/2012 20:37

tell them in that case they can celebrate her half bday in July and give her presents then!

LatteLady · 26/12/2012 20:39

I would be telling her GPs that you will not be buying them birthday prezzies either as they had rather a lot under the tree and should be making them last! When I was young my best friend had a Christmas Eve birthday and in the midst of the Christmas chaos her mum always did a birthday tea :)

EasilyBored · 26/12/2012 20:45

DS's birthday is Christmas Day and we had a couple of people say things like 'oh, that'll save money on presents: You'll only have to buy him one!' Ermm... NO! How rude!

This year (first) everyone got him separate gifts and cards, so hopefully it sticks. I'd hate to be 'cheated' out of birthday presents just because I was born close to another big event.

Whistlingwaves · 26/12/2012 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 26/12/2012 21:13

That's just crap. Sorry lame excuse for being tightwads. Nothing wrong with gift cards, book tokens or money

MrsDeVere · 26/12/2012 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NcNcNcNc · 26/12/2012 21:17

That's totally crap Sad

DD has her bday on 4th Jan, if anyone tried that crap I'd be very Angry

Did they perhaps mean they wouldn't buy anything now but would get her a present in a few months? My SIL did this once for my DD but DD was far too young to notice/mind and SIL asked me first if it was ok.

Morebiscuitsplease · 26/12/2012 21:18

My nephew's birthday is a few days before Xmas I would never ever not get him a present. My birthday is 6th Jan and it can be a bit if a damp squid...but friends and family are very good.
I would say something to PIL. I wouldn't trade in your books....that is giving them credit where is it wholly undeserved. Your DD probably won't notice and hopefully other people's efforts will make up for it.

chatnickname2013 · 26/12/2012 21:18

that's mean Sad

StinkyWicket · 26/12/2012 21:18

My DTS are 4 on the 17th, really hoping we don't get this as well Sad

YA so NBU by the way! As if it's her fault her birthday is in January. The least they could have done is told you before all the presents were opened so you could re-wrap.

noblegiraffe · 26/12/2012 21:19

My DH's birthday is in January, I wouldn't dream of not getting him birthday presents, let alone a child!

StinkyWicket · 26/12/2012 21:19

And WhistlingWaves I think you are more than justified BTW - I would be fucking livid and throw it back at her if it was me!

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