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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit miffed for my little DD?

87 replies

ChristabelChristmas · 26/12/2012 19:20

DD will be 4 next week and today PIL informed me that they will not be buying her any birthday presents as she got so many for Christmas. They said that she has enough to "keep her going" so they'll just give her a card. I can't help but feel a bit upset for her as I also have a Christmas(ish) birthday and know what it's like for people to gloss over it ... but I'm not 4! AIBU to feel that they should have kept one back for her birthday if they were concerned about her getting too many yesterday?

OP posts:

BlatherskitedaboutChristmas · 26/12/2012 21:24

My DD was 3 on the 17th December. I'd be really upset if someone did this to her

This year she had a party and a cake and presents in exactly the same way as DS will when it's his birthday later in the year. Not fair that she should miss out just because she was born close to Christmas.

DontmindifIdo · 26/12/2012 21:27

I think that's mean. Can you ask them if they would prefer to get something that would be a 'summer' pressie, such as a slide, or new paddling pool...

But it's rude to do it now, it's a bit late, if they thought she'd got too much for Christmas why the hell didn't they hold back some of the things they bought for Christmas to be birthday presents? Or do they mean they don't think she got too much stuff from them but in general?

BrusselSproutsFartyPants · 26/12/2012 21:31

My DD1 was 11 on Christmas eve and has luckily escaped this problem. She always gets seperate presents for each (some are wrapped in Christmas paper, not from me, but she doesn't care about that). She also always gets a birthday party/celebration at some point, though never on the actual day.

pissovski · 26/12/2012 21:46

Very mean!

My mum's birthday would have been today and she always hated it, because of people doing things like this. Dh's birthday is early Jan and he always says his parents would try to make as much of it as any of his siblings. I always make a point of getting him just as much as I would if his birthday was June or July.

It is very mean and insensitive to do this at all, never mind to a 4 year old, especially when other gcs would never get this treatment

PurpleTinsel · 26/12/2012 21:54

That is really really mean, especially when it's a little kid's birthday.

Totally agree that they should have bought her a birthday present, it's not her fault that her birthday's near Christmas.

Have you tried explaining to your PIL's how hurt your DD is likely to feel about them ignoring her birthday?

Spatsky · 26/12/2012 21:58

My son is 23rd December and I would be very is appointee in anyone that did this

Spatsky · 26/12/2012 21:59

Dissappointed

Spatsky · 26/12/2012 21:59

Omg disappointed

Laquitar · 26/12/2012 22:08

Cant they buy a cheap book or something from poundland?

Are they going to do something i.e. baking?

I see bdays as more important because it is personal and imo more important for the self-esteem. I'm not into going mad with expensive toys but making the child -or adult- feel special.

And Happy bday to you!

CJMommy · 26/12/2012 22:10

DD's birthday is Christmas eve ( just turned 2). I have, so far made a point of her having separate b'day pressies/wrapping paper etc and she has had a birthday party on 24th. However, what's the best way to manage this in future? All you people with Christmas birthdays..... Do we have a half birthday in the summer or just an all out celebration in December? It's easy at the moment as she's too young to understand but what happens in future years? Xx

CJMommy · 26/12/2012 22:12

Also DS's birthday is in January but this is slightly easier to manage ......... Didn't put much thought into time of conception did we

pigletpower · 26/12/2012 22:12

My birthday is on 17th of December and my parents always made sure that I had birthday and Xmas gifts of everyone.I mean she's four years old not four months.

ChristmasJubilee · 26/12/2012 22:14

My step daughters wee boy's birthday is just before Christmas so we gave him a big present for his birthday and money at Christmas so the she can buy him something later in the year. He will have lots of parcels at Christmas and so wouldn't notice one less.

TreadOnTheCracks · 26/12/2012 22:17

One of my Dc has a birthday in a few days, gets about half the presents of the other dc with birthday mid year.

ThisIsNotWhatIWasAfter · 26/12/2012 22:23

I have a Boxing day baby and i'm determined to make an effort to balance out what i buy for him and ds1. He's only 1 but i already have a sneaking suspicion some family members might not. So how does the half birthday work ?

messybedhead · 26/12/2012 22:49

My DS's birthday (4) is next week and tbh I am struggling to think of things to get him.

Obviously he has a party and lots of presents... But I'll probably be buying them just for the sake of it.

Perhaps they were just being honest, in the way that I say to my mum 'God, he got so much already for Christmas, he doesn't need anything else'. Are you sure they're not going to give him money instead?

Misty9 · 26/12/2012 23:40

I'm a January baby and was always getting joint presents as a child - but I at least knew about it in advance! And dh would never get away with it now.

I would tell them that you quite agree she has enough toys for now so here are the details of her savings account, and could you do something special with her instead please.

Misty9 · 26/12/2012 23:41

Oh, and definitely tell them that as she's 4, the unwrapping is possibly the most exciting part so you're going to get something on their behalf otherwise she'll be hurt. That should shame them into getting something...?

BabylonElf · 26/12/2012 23:43

YANBU I'm an Xmas day baby and it used to make me really cross when I got birthday pressies wrapped in Xmas or joint Xmas/birthday in Xmas paper.

Dromedary · 26/12/2012 23:49

There is an easy way round this. You give the DC an official birthday (like the Queen), 6 months after their actual birthday. You can have a token celebration on the real birthday if you want, to mark the change in age, but the party and presents happen 6 months later, every year, and everyone gets used to that. 12 months is a long time to wait for more toys when you're little and developing fast, but 6 months is ideal, and children will actually go to their party, which they may well not do if it is close to Christmas.
It does work. And if they want to go back to the real birthday date when they're older, that's up to them.

MsElleTow · 26/12/2012 23:53

DS2's birthday is Christmas Eve, he has just turned 16. I don't do anything for Christmas on that day, it is all about his birthday. We used to go out somewhere like the cinema, or bowling with one of his friends, then go for a pizza or burger or something. He always has had a birthday cake and all his presents are wrapped in birthday paper.

When he was younger, he had a joint party with DS1 who's birthday is the 14/12.

Recently a girl at school asked DS2 if he got birthday presents!

My Nan's birthday was 27/12 and she always got joint Christmas/birthday presents. She made me promise I would never do that to my DC!

BlatherskitedaboutChristmas · 27/12/2012 10:26

I was told by a grown up with a birthday the same day as my DD that half birthdays were not a good idea as it makes it feel like December birthdays are the problem when it's not, it's peoples bad planning that is the problem. They're never going to feel good about their birthday if it's always been drummed into them that it's an issue by having to have it moved to the Summer.

I just organised DD's party this year to the weekend before her birthday to give us a bit more of a gap and made sure the theme was totally non-christmassy (we had rainbows this year) I did suggest that a couple of people gave her vouchers for the Summer so she could choose some garden type toys then. She didn't notice one or two less parcels to open and I'd run out of ideas for her to be honest. She's only 3 so this may change as she gets older.

We took her out for a special Dinner on the actual day too.

DontmindifIdo · 27/12/2012 10:32

Actually a January party is fantastic - January is a rubbish month, there's nothing going on, everyone's skint, the weather is usually crap - you'll find now she's at an age for whole class parties, you'll get the whole class turning out because quite frankly, what else are you goign to do on a cold damp January Saturday/Sunday afternoon? A summer party will be harder as people go away in school holidays. (BIL's birthday is in August, he never had a 'full house' for his parties, it also always gets missed because people are away).

thegreylady · 27/12/2012 10:38

My dgs has a birthday on 22 nd Dec and we make a big thing of it. It is the day the tree and decs go up, he gets an outing with some friends and presents/cards for his birthday. 4 is not a baby and her dgps are being unfair.

FriendlyLadybird · 27/12/2012 10:44

That is SO mean! Both my DCs have January birthdays (DS's is on New Year's Day) and people have jokingly complained to me about our inconsiderate timing, as they have usually run out of imagination after Christmas. But everyone has always, always got them separate presents for Christmas and birthday.

Get your DH on to it. They could perhaps get her a spectacular half-birthday present in the summer.

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