To be upset that dc godparents left Xmas gifts in a carrier bag on the door handle when we where blatantly in?

[Whitegrenache]

Picked the godparents 6 and 3 years ago when dc were born, as they were very close friends and neighbours and had similar values and life's to us and we thought they would be an excellent influence on their life's and their children older than mine are lovely kids.
We spent a lot of time together as family's and separately too.

I was very close to the godmother and we were very good friends who spend time together. Godfather was also very close to dp and all was well.

Over the last few years we have had less and less contact with them, to the point where we never see them apart from exchanging gifts at xmas and easter etc, which is more obligation than anything else.
I have tried many time to rekindle the relationship by inviting them in for coffee, for meals, out for drink etc to be told that there are too busy etc. or on one occasion when I left a message with their teenage daughter inviting them for a meal, the godmother did not even reply to the invite which I thought was rude.

Now I think it is obviously either I or we have pissed them off as they clearly want nothing to do with us.

This upsets me, but I am so scared to ask them outright and my dp thinks I should not worry about it and to accept they want nothing to do with us anymore.
I feel sad about this, and to be honest I was deliberating about calling around to see them and to try to ask what the issues was and try to make amends, but I am too much of a chicken if I am honest.

But then I think that if they have exited us out of their life's, then I need to accept that?
When I got the gifts on the door for the children yesterday which where hung on the door outside when it was obvious we were in really upset me, as I would rather they had a relationship with my dc rather than leave a gift iykwim?

I can't help thinking that I must have been a right cow over the years to make them exit us out of their life's.....

I am therefore BVU to be upset about this aren't I??

Hit me with it ladies

I guess you could call them thank them for the present and invite them over for a brew. If they decline I guess you know where you stand and let that friendship go

It's Alan WHICKER FFS!

And how do you not blame yourself? And I don't mean that nastily btw, I just always keep thinking it is my fault rather than theirs iyswim?
Your last post makes so much sense yet I can't seem to make the same statements

Duh! Of course.

friendships ending isn't always anyone's fault, just as you click with some people not others - and the people you don't click with can be perfectly nice people, some people you just stop connecting with, not because they're not nice and there isn't always something specific anyone's done

Findingmyself - how did you get to the 'stuff them' stage? I seem to oscillate (my story is similar involving neighbours too! Now ex neighbours) between 'stuff them' and 'wtf did I do'? And I dearly want to know. They still have my baby car seat! So I can't really wipe them out of my life.

My kid still asks about them too even though child no 2 has no clue.

Can't really believe that Alan Hansen link I made.

Have had a few amarettos in my defence.

Despite all the other debate on this thread, it appears that you've got three basic issues here White.

You're worried that the friendship has fizzled out. These things happen, which I think you've, more or less, come to terms with. But you're never going to find out why unless they actually tell you.

But ... they're your DC godparents. That's a bit more tricky.

You've already got Christmas presents for their DC.

It would be a shame if those presents went to waste, although you could always use them for other children in the future. But their DC might be disappointed not to get presents from you if they're usually used to receiving presents from you.

I might be a bit soft, but I'd probably take the presents round to them, although make it clear that I wouldn't be expected to be invited into their house and then just leave it at that.

If they still feel minded to carry on buying your DC gifts, then they'll probably just do it to fulfill their 'obligations' as godparents. But I think you have to walk away from the whole thing, even if you do see them at various local social events.

Ameretto and rose wine clearly contribute to improper Alan suppositions!!

Wicker of course!!!!!

I think friendships taking a natural end due to geographical distance or change in circumstances etc is v natural. But to suddenly drop off is v strange and I think that's what op (and I) am wondering about our particular situations. And I do class this as 'sudden' because she had made invites to lunches etc and there was no reply etc!

And I think in her case since they are the godparents it's compounded the situation.

White, oh I blamed myself/DH & I for a long time and totally analysed the friendship. I spent many a sleepless night wondering why on earth it had all gone pear shaped. However I genuinely cannot, to this day, think of anything that would have caused such a reaction, and I've come to the conclusion that if they were true, close friends they would have at least had the good manners to tell us, and as they didn't then they're not my type of people and I'm glad they dropped us before we found out what they were really like and had to go to the hassle of dropping them!

drcrab, I think it's just time that makes you think 'stuff them'. There comes a point when you feel angry about the way you've been treated rather than upset about it.

I agree with you drcrab. But I fear the OP isn't going to find out what's gone wrong, so she might just have to walk away from it.

Just had a chat with dp about this, he has a different take on the situation. He thinks that friendships move on and I should not worry about this, although he does understand why I am upset by his issue and he is going to ring them up and ask if there is a convenient time to drop of their dds Xmas gifts this weekend and see what their reaction is

What I would do, with regards to dropping off the presents, is just turn up, but be incredibly busy, don't stop and chat, be polite but as distant as possible. Just a 'Just wanted to drop these off, can't stop as we're on our way out, hope you all had a good christmas, speak soon' will suffice. Be too busy to see them in future. Let them think you have a hectic social life and don't need them any longer.

I wouldn't try to instigate any more meet ups or social events. Just be too busy.

Thanks findingmyself. Think I'll just let time pass. It's been six months. :)

Hugs to you drcrab, when you're the phased out party it's pretty shitty and I have to admit it's almost like a relationship breakdown.

Alan's = Alan Wickers = knickers

I think drcrabs, finding myself and me are rather lovely and our so called friends are missing out

Well said, white

Anyone who has seen Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels should know about Alan's.

... Just sayin'.

I would never phase someone out, I would try and find out what qualities made us friends rather than look at their negative qualities.
Lets be honest none of us are perfect but hey that's what makes people so diverse and fun

I've seen it salmo but I don't get it

Oh! I was thinking Alan Rickman as somebody you wanted to throw your knickers at...

I'll get my coat...

Thanks white and findingmyself! I've been driving the dh, my other close friends mad with this! My complication in this story (like yours are the godparents) is that somehow my sil (who we don't like) is friends with them. I want to unfriend them on fb but feel obliged!