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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset that dc godparents left Xmas gifts in a carrier bag on the door handle when we where blatantly in?

153 replies

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 13:33

Picked the godparents 6 and 3 years ago when dc were born, as they were very close friends and neighbours and had similar values and life's to us and we thought they would be an excellent influence on their life's and their children older than mine are lovely kids.
We spent a lot of time together as family's and separately too.

I was very close to the godmother and we were very good friends who spend time together. Godfather was also very close to dp and all was well.

Over the last few years we have had less and less contact with them, to the point where we never see them apart from exchanging gifts at xmas and easter etc, which is more obligation than anything else.
I have tried many time to rekindle the relationship by inviting them in for coffee, for meals, out for drink etc to be told that there are too busy etc. or on one occasion when I left a message with their teenage daughter inviting them for a meal, the godmother did not even reply to the invite which I thought was rude.

Now I think it is obviously either I or we have pissed them off as they clearly want nothing to do with us.

This upsets me, but I am so scared to ask them outright and my dp thinks I should not worry about it and to accept they want nothing to do with us anymore.
I feel sad about this, and to be honest I was deliberating about calling around to see them and to try to ask what the issues was and try to make amends, but I am too much of a chicken if I am honest.

But then I think that if they have exited us out of their life's, then I need to accept that?
When I got the gifts on the door for the children yesterday which where hung on the door outside when it was obvious we were in really upset me, as I would rather they had a relationship with my dc rather than leave a gift iykwim?

I can't help thinking that I must have been a right cow over the years to make them exit us out of their life's.....

I am therefore BVU to be upset about this aren't I??

Hit me with it ladies

OP posts:
FairhairedandFrustrated · 26/12/2012 20:01

Is your friend my bitch of a SIL?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/12/2012 20:02

Well you have a sense of humour, OP, that's a good thing. From what you've said in your last post, I think your expectations are fair. The thing is, friendships do move on - and sometimes just fizzle out - and it makes it difficult when friends have been given an extra role.

I know that posters have suggested that your friends didn't want to bother you on Christmas Day, I think that could well be true. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Ring your friends, thank them for the presents and ask when they'd be free to meet up for a coffee/short get together. Their response will let you know what's what.

Salmotrutta · 26/12/2012 20:12

Your children have 7 godparents between them?

I think they we're last seen heading for the hills at a run ...

Salmotrutta · 26/12/2012 20:13

were

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 20:21

Yes I do have a sense of humour!! Thank fuck....

Yet still she goes on about having too many godparents!!

To be honest after these answers I am still confused!

OP posts:
Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 20:33

You know, I came on here asking about the audacity and the upset caused by leaving presents hanging on door handle, yet I am left wondering if I am the psychotic person who dared to have 7....yes 7 (even though (4) of them are the same people) godparents.....I mean, how fucking stupid am I to think 7 was a reasonable amount of people......

And that is the beauty of mumsnet Smile

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 26/12/2012 20:40

I never suggested you were psychotic. Hmm

I'm just surprised at seven. Then I made a feeble joke.

Don't get your Alan's in a twist.

And I'm maybe a bit confused here but what do you mean when you say four of the godparents are the same?

... Actually never mind, forget I asked ...

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 20:47

Yeah I know, psychotic was a bit of an over reaction Grin sorry x

OP posts:
everlong · 26/12/2012 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/12/2012 20:49

Alan Rickman, I think. Grin

BlackAffronted · 26/12/2012 20:50

lol @ Alan's. One child has 3 GPs and the other has 4 GPs. But that isnt 7 different people, as one couple is GP to both.

everlong · 26/12/2012 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 20:54

I was a little confused by alan too but I HAVE been at the Xmas wine!!
I was thinking, sugar? Shearer?
Thanks blackaffronted for the explanation as to be honest I was struggling Grin

OP posts:
Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 20:55

Alan rickman was in the Harry potter film I watched this afternoon with DCs????

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/12/2012 20:59

Having a little swoon to myself now, OP, I love Alan Rickman as Snape... he's a fantastic actor. Grin

chatnickname2013 · 26/12/2012 21:00

I don't see the point in going round, sometimes there isn't a big reason to be discovered when friendships fizzle - it just stops being enjoyable to see those people IYKWIM

but I hate exchanging gifts with people I have no relationship with and would probably phase that out

I don't hear from my godparents and don't miss them

chatnickname2013 · 26/12/2012 21:01

(but have devopled close godparentish relationships with some of my parent's friends who weren't my official god parents so it doesn't matter - that's better as the relationships have nothing to do with obligation)

pigletmania · 26/12/2012 21:02

I agree with saccrofilium. We have te same godparents for dd and ds, what's wrong with that. Not everyone has the same run for te hills mentality as some on here, some of us are blessed with genuine sincere friends. Dc godparents are fantastic, we consider them like family really. Dd has ASD and they have helped care for her, and looked after her when we needed a break (their suggestion). I have never expected so much from them, but they are truely lovely people who are like second parents to dd

pigletmania · 26/12/2012 21:05

Ds is still a baby, much easier tan dd ever was so they help more with dd which is fantastic and I'll be eternally grateful. They have gone above and beyond what a godparent does, but tey tell me how much they love dd like their own

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 21:07

They sound lovely piglet x

OP posts:
pigletmania · 26/12/2012 21:11

They are white, just wish everyone was as sincere. They look at being a godparent as a privilege not a chore. They are devout Catholics as is dh and te dc are baptised in the catholic faith. Leaving a gift on a door hanle knowing your in is not on, very rude. Tey may as well not bother tbh

Findingmyself · 26/12/2012 21:25

We have has similar with some neighbours of ours. We were very close, holidayed together many times and were in and out of each others houses. Then suddenly they dropped us and wouldn't even speak to us. I would just stop bothering with them, op. try to look like you're not bothered and just move on.

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 21:31

How do you manage that findingmyself? Do u not get sad about it?

OP posts:
Findingmyself · 26/12/2012 21:34

I did, white, but it was a couple of years ago now and I am at the "stuff them' stage. They didn't have the decency to tell us what we'd done to upset them so they can't have been true friends in the first place.

bamboostalks · 26/12/2012 21:34

I thought it was Alan Hanson aka Pantson or is this totally wrong? Why would it be Rickman?
Re godparents. I would pop round to say thanks and ask them if everything was ok or had you offended them? I would want to know. If they say nothing and continue to behave in te same way, then write them off mentally.

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