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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset that dc godparents left Xmas gifts in a carrier bag on the door handle when we where blatantly in?

153 replies

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 13:33

Picked the godparents 6 and 3 years ago when dc were born, as they were very close friends and neighbours and had similar values and life's to us and we thought they would be an excellent influence on their life's and their children older than mine are lovely kids.
We spent a lot of time together as family's and separately too.

I was very close to the godmother and we were very good friends who spend time together. Godfather was also very close to dp and all was well.

Over the last few years we have had less and less contact with them, to the point where we never see them apart from exchanging gifts at xmas and easter etc, which is more obligation than anything else.
I have tried many time to rekindle the relationship by inviting them in for coffee, for meals, out for drink etc to be told that there are too busy etc. or on one occasion when I left a message with their teenage daughter inviting them for a meal, the godmother did not even reply to the invite which I thought was rude.

Now I think it is obviously either I or we have pissed them off as they clearly want nothing to do with us.

This upsets me, but I am so scared to ask them outright and my dp thinks I should not worry about it and to accept they want nothing to do with us anymore.
I feel sad about this, and to be honest I was deliberating about calling around to see them and to try to ask what the issues was and try to make amends, but I am too much of a chicken if I am honest.

But then I think that if they have exited us out of their life's, then I need to accept that?
When I got the gifts on the door for the children yesterday which where hung on the door outside when it was obvious we were in really upset me, as I would rather they had a relationship with my dc rather than leave a gift iykwim?

I can't help thinking that I must have been a right cow over the years to make them exit us out of their life's.....

I am therefore BVU to be upset about this aren't I??

Hit me with it ladies

OP posts:
MariahScarey · 26/12/2012 14:39

Oh but god. They probably don't like you much. Or your kids. Or it's all baby related. Are giving gifts out if duty. Feel you only ever want to see them with babies puking or screaming.

Or all if the above. Move on

Saccrofolium · 26/12/2012 14:40

Are your kids much younger than theirs?

everlong · 26/12/2012 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 14:43

Mine are 7 and 3 theirs are 12 and 15

Fucking hell though, if it is my young children that's the issues then I would rather they don't bother to be honest.

That's an awful reason

OP posts:
MariahScarey · 26/12/2012 14:43

Lol. No but I think the mate is hinting pretty hard that the relationships over

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 14:44

But yeah they may not like me.

I am obv not a nice person

OP posts:
MariahScarey · 26/12/2012 14:45

Oh GET OVER IT!!
You sound such a bloody martyr. People change friends.

everlong · 26/12/2012 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OlaRapaceFru · 26/12/2012 14:48

Whether, or not, they've had enough of 'small kids chaos', surely they can politely decline an invitation to Sunday lunch themselves, rather than leaving the responsibility with their teenage DD to say "oh, mum and dad aren't coming". Totally not fair on their DD and not nice for the OP.

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 14:50

'twas being sarcastic Mariah in response to your rather mean post Smile

I am a nice person and I think you lot are right, I need to get on with life and move on.

OP posts:
everlong · 26/12/2012 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 14:51

So next question....

What the hell do I do with their dc presents???? Just leave on their doorsteps, or be a bigger person and knock on the door with a bottle of wine and make one last effort?

FFS can't make up my mind can I???

OP posts:
MariahScarey · 26/12/2012 14:53

No. More. Presents.

MushroomSoup · 26/12/2012 14:54

Life's too short. Knock on the door!

everlong · 26/12/2012 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IloveChristmasandsodoesmydog · 26/12/2012 14:56

I'm in a similar situation. My youngest dc's godparents live quite a few miles away and this year when I asked if we were exchanging presents for our kids she suggested that we just buy something extra for our own and say it was from each other. Which is fine but I was a little put out that they couldn't even be bothered to send something for their godchild. I think we got a Christmas card and that was it.

I don't hear much from them. I assumed they've moved on with their lives. Now I've got friends who I've known for years that I only see sporadically but they would never forget to send something for the kids and vice versa and when we do catch up it's like we saw each other yesterday.

Some people just outgrow each other. Chalk it up to experience and move on but certainly don't stoop to asking them what you did wrong. Bollocks to them. It's their problem, not yours. I'm sure you have lots of friends that value you for the lovely person that you are.

MariahScarey · 26/12/2012 14:56

Noooooo!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/12/2012 14:56

Look OP, being a godparent is a religious thing, it is supposed to be. The convention has been skewed of late by some parents thinking that it would be a nice thing to have other people 'attached' to their precious child(ren). That's not what a godparent's role is supposed to be about at all. Generally, a godparent is a family member so that the caring role required is already established and pretty much lifestrong.

I don't know what has happened with your relationship with these people but I think that either you've misunderstood what the role is - or they have. Either way, you're at cross-purposes unless both sets, ie. you and them, are of the thought that godparenting is to do with gifts and attention.

I'm sure that you're a very nice person and I'm sure that you picked nice people but they seem to feel more of a 'duty role' somehow perhaps? You really do need to speak to them face to face, no more texting. Paraphrasing what Hecate says, what do you have to lose?

5madthings · 26/12/2012 14:56

Knock on their door.

Tbh it sounds like they may just be busy and as their children are older they have moved on/are in a different stage of life/parenting.

Friendships can wax and wane when you have children, esp when they are different ages. It doesnt mean you arent fruends just that yoi both have different thongs going on in your lives.

They are still getting your children presents so you are still being thought of.

Perhaps say you would like a catch up once all the kids are back at school?

5madthings · 26/12/2012 14:57

Knock on their door.

Tbh it sounds like they may just be busy and as their children are older they have moved on/are in a different stage of life/parenting.

Friendships can wax and wane when you have children, esp when they are different ages. It doesnt mean you arent fruends just that yoi both have different thongs going on in your lives.

They are still getting your children presents so you are still being thought of.

Perhaps say you would like a catch up once all the kids are back at school?

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 15:01

So many differing opinions!

I think we shall turn up with bottle of wine and see what reaction we get.

OP posts:
MariahScarey · 26/12/2012 15:02

All of you ? Unannounced ? On Boxing Day ?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/12/2012 15:03

What Mariah said, I wouldn't. I really wouldn't.

everlong · 26/12/2012 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJREwing · 26/12/2012 15:07

They made it clear they don't want you in their life, they ease their Godparent guilt with gifts, these people are no longer your friends OP, do something nice with your dc instead.

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