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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that dc godparents left Xmas gifts in a carrier bag on the door handle when we where blatantly in?

153 replies

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 13:33

Picked the godparents 6 and 3 years ago when dc were born, as they were very close friends and neighbours and had similar values and life's to us and we thought they would be an excellent influence on their life's and their children older than mine are lovely kids.
We spent a lot of time together as family's and separately too.

I was very close to the godmother and we were very good friends who spend time together. Godfather was also very close to dp and all was well.

Over the last few years we have had less and less contact with them, to the point where we never see them apart from exchanging gifts at xmas and easter etc, which is more obligation than anything else.
I have tried many time to rekindle the relationship by inviting them in for coffee, for meals, out for drink etc to be told that there are too busy etc. or on one occasion when I left a message with their teenage daughter inviting them for a meal, the godmother did not even reply to the invite which I thought was rude.

Now I think it is obviously either I or we have pissed them off as they clearly want nothing to do with us.

This upsets me, but I am so scared to ask them outright and my dp thinks I should not worry about it and to accept they want nothing to do with us anymore.
I feel sad about this, and to be honest I was deliberating about calling around to see them and to try to ask what the issues was and try to make amends, but I am too much of a chicken if I am honest.

But then I think that if they have exited us out of their life's, then I need to accept that?
When I got the gifts on the door for the children yesterday which where hung on the door outside when it was obvious we were in really upset me, as I would rather they had a relationship with my dc rather than leave a gift iykwim?

I can't help thinking that I must have been a right cow over the years to make them exit us out of their life's.....

I am therefore BVU to be upset about this aren't I??

Hit me with it ladies

OP posts:

MariahScarey · 26/12/2012 15:10

Just fecking bin them

5madthings · 26/12/2012 15:26

Dont go with kids, just pop round yourself with gifts etc and say it would be nice to catch up sometime.

Saccrofolium · 26/12/2012 15:31

Don't go with the kids! Why would you consider that?!
And YY to whoever it was up thread that said about different expectations of godparents.

apostrophethesnowman · 26/12/2012 15:41

I don't mean to be harsh, but maybe they just don't want to be friends any more. Perhaps they don't see your relatonship in the same way that you do. They may just have grown away from you, but feel obliged to be give gifts because of the godparent issue.

I would get the chldren to do a thank you note, with your help, and put it through their letterbox when you're passing.

Then leave them alone.

If they want to contact you they will. Move on with your life.

apostrophethesnowman · 26/12/2012 15:42

Oh and the role of a godparent is actually supposed to be a religious thing, not a social thing really.

If you're not really religious anyway, it shouldn't matter.

LittleBairn · 26/12/2012 15:52

Did you have family over? Maybe the doddmt want to intrude in what is family time?

7 years ago they were in a complete different parentimg phase with a 7 and 9 year old hence why being around babies and toddlers wouldn't have been so bad now they have teenagers they might feel differently about small children.

Maybe they never really wanted to be godparents? You did say you are outspoken maybe they were worried about saying no. If you are the type to turn up unannounced on Boxing Day with your entire family then I can understand where they are coming from, you sound rather overbearing.

LittleBairn · 26/12/2012 15:53

Oops meant DON'T want to intrude. Fat fingers.

mamab30 · 26/12/2012 17:31

You're not religious but you had them christened OP!?! Eh!?! Surely you get them christened because you're religious!?! Otherwise it's a mockery!?!

We are not religious so will not christen our kids. If they decide when they are older they are religious it's up to them.

MariahScarey · 26/12/2012 17:39

We're godparents to someone I think we really should have said no to. Feel terrible.

Saccrofolium · 26/12/2012 17:43

Our children's godparents are there to ensure that our spiritual and educational wishes are followed in the event of our death, and to be a bit of a role model. But that's it. I don't expect them to have any sort of a meaningful relationship with them beyond what they would normally have as friends of ours. But there's the disconnect with the OP I suspect, plus a bit of growing apart.

TheMonster · 26/12/2012 17:43

Maybe they got presents for your do, but didn't want to invite themselves in unannounced so dropped them by door.

scarletforyaOfficialXmasGRINCH · 26/12/2012 17:45

Did you pick the same couple to be Godparents to both of your kids?

Anyway, from what you've described I'm guessing they found you too full-on. With all yoiur invitations and that when they were trying to phase you out gracefully you probably came accross as smothering and a bit persistant.

Don't do anything with their kids presents. I wouldn't buy any more in future either. When you've been phased out the best thing is to take the hint and just be polite and cordial when you see them.

Definitely, whatever you do don't turn up unannounced at their door on Boxing day. They'll think you're a nutty stalker. Take it on the chin OP and forget it.

everlong · 26/12/2012 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 17:56

Ha ha I was not gonna turn up today unannounced!! I am not that bad! Me and dd been out doing the horses!

Re the religious thing and getting the dc christened....I think we need to leave that to another thread!!

Also I am not overbearing, I perhaps invited them do stuff maybe every 3 months? Not every week ffs

Right, I have decided that I am gong to get the children to write a thank you note and post it.

What do I do about their dds gift then? (It's money)

apostrophethesnowman advice hits the correct spot on I think.

Mariah? That sounds very sad, what makes you say that?

OP posts:

drcrab · 26/12/2012 18:06

Funny. Sounds a lot like a relationship of ours. They aren't godparents to our kids or anything but they used to be our neighbours and were at our house every week at least! Then both households moved just across town from each other. We've invited them out for lunch every few months but she canceled the last one. He had unfriended me on fb which is v weird. But they still sent a Christmas card 'with lots of love'. They stopped presents so have we. This is the first Christmas we've not celebrated with them for 6 years??

I've no idea what happened. Honestly.

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 18:08

Ha ha drcrab sounds similar, hurts doesn't it x

OP posts:

scarletforyaOfficialXmasGRINCH · 26/12/2012 18:20

Yeah, but you don't keep asking/inviting at all when you've been phased out. Also don't you think asking them to be Godparents to both kids.....they probably felt freaked out and started looking for a graceful exit then!?

pigletmania · 26/12/2012 18:28

Blimy op has every right to be miffed and hurt that her dc godparents dont make any effort fgs. We are not just asking about friendship but her dc godparents, picked nt just fr te christening day, but becase they wind be the most sutabe eople to guide teir children spiritually through life, so very difficult to just let it go. Yes it I bloody red not to reply to an invitation fr dinner and to leave presents on the door handle. Why bother. They could have knocked on the door, said hello we're in a rush but here are presents for the children. Op is not being unreasonabl at all, she as every rght to feel the way she does

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 18:31

No idea what is wrong with asking them to be godparents to both kids?

Baffled.

OP posts:

scarletforyaOfficialXmasGRINCH · 26/12/2012 18:42

It's unusual. it's intense, it says a high level of commitment is expected. It says you are THE BEST COUPLE we've ever met. We like you SO much we're going to make sure you're never going to drift out of our lives. It's a lot of commitment.

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 18:45

Ha ha you are looking far to deep into it.

We did have other godparents you know!

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/12/2012 18:56

Really? Do you collect them, OP? I'm puzzled by what your expectation of 'godparent' is. To me, from what you've posted, it's like a 'friendship with moral handcuffs' type of arrangement.

The godparent role is religious, whichever way you slice it. It's not anything else, even on ITV2.

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 19:46

Yes we have 423 godparents and counting....we recruit them from godparent seminars throughout the world.....

ffs dd has 4 and ds has 3 which is a reasonable number last time I spoke to the baptismal police.....

Yes it is religious but I also think an expectation to be involved in the child's life to some small degree is probably most parents assumption I am sure.

I have never demanded any time of them, but I make sure I spend some time with my godson and get involved and take an interest in his school progress, his favourite pass times, i do accept that maybe it is however unrealistic to expect other people to do the same as I.

OP posts:

Saccrofolium · 26/12/2012 19:53

^Yes it is religious but I also think an expectation to be involved in the child's life to some small degree is probably most parents assumption I am sure.

There's the problem.

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 26/12/2012 19:59

Thanks Saccrofolium most helpful.

OP posts:

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