To start a DSC thread here?

[NotaDisneyMum]

Probably, but I'm so pissed off I don't care.

DSS is here for Christmas this year - as per the court order, along with my DD.

After opening stockings, we suggested that the DCs call their 'other parent' to wish them merry Christmas.

DSS response? ^Oh no, Mum told me not to because she'll be sleeping - she was working last night. She'll ring when she wakes up later during Christmas dinner.

AIBU to think she could have tolerated disturbed sleep for one day so DS can speak to her on Christmas morning? He's 9, but ASD, so emotionally younger.

DP didn't know DSS mum was on nights, otherwise we wouldn't have suggested it.

The concern, for me, is that his mother is so unwilling to communicate with her ex husband that she has instead used the 9 year old son with asd to pass messages (ie that he isn't to call his mother). Which is irresponsible and disappointing.
We get it all the time here. The kids get stressed because they know when they pass in the information there will be bad feeling toward, or from either parent or step parent.

Don't sweat it too much though NADM... Par for the course, eh?

NADM obviously you are in a difficult position as you are caught between feuding exes.
I don't think it's unreasonable to post a q about DSCs. However, your OP was to ask whether it was unreasonable to expect this boy's mother to have her sleep broken apparently to avoid your suggestion of calling her being rejected and/ or to avoid your Christmas dinner being interrupted. To that I maintain IMO YWBVU.
Clearly there are myriad issues at play here but your gripe was pretty clear and that's what ppl responded to.i made the comment about SMs dissing Mothers because your responses seemed so much in tune with other threads I've read on the subject. I don't know any mother who would be choose involvement of a stepparent in their child's life, these things just happen as life throws at us all what it will. I used the term birth mother rather than my instinctive choice of "real mother" simply because I thought it was pragmatic enough to cause the least once to you as a SP.
I hope you and your dp manage to work this through. There are many "reconstituted" families who achieve great balance but this is not likely when adults (not just you) allow their feelings of hostility, regret, envy and anger to cloud their parenting judgements. Hope your dp is on board here for you. Have a geat boxing day (best bit of this week IMO)

All DCs have mobiles where we live... Agreeing to a mobile is like agreeing to buy them a winter coat - the only issue is budget. Anyway, they buy their own now!

If it hadnt been the comment about his mother he was dwelling on, its highly likely there could have been something else he got upset about. But is his SN the mothers fault too now?

It sounds like an awful situation, and I can see why it would be very easy to hold resentment for this woman. But isnt that just as immature as the hostilities between her and DP.

Also, while the children are in her care, its really nothing to do with your DP who minds them. She is obviously capable of choosing trustworthy childcare or she would have SS involvement.

While the situation as a whole sounds dreadful, the situations and gripes you describe sound to me like no ones issue but yours.

wanna I agree with you entirely, I was not complaining about the fact that DP didn't know where his DD was for Xmas (or at any other time); just explaining the situation for the poster who said that I/we should be placing more emphasis it
The reality is that it hadn't occurred to DP that DD wouldn't be with her Mum, hence not realising/considering she might be sleeping.

So where was DSD?

At grandmas