To start a DSC thread here?

[NotaDisneyMum]

Probably, but I'm so pissed off I don't care.

DSS is here for Christmas this year - as per the court order, along with my DD.

After opening stockings, we suggested that the DCs call their 'other parent' to wish them merry Christmas.

DSS response? ^Oh no, Mum told me not to because she'll be sleeping - she was working last night. She'll ring when she wakes up later during Christmas dinner.

AIBU to think she could have tolerated disturbed sleep for one day so DS can speak to her on Christmas morning? He's 9, but ASD, so emotionally younger.

DP didn't know DSS mum was on nights, otherwise we wouldn't have suggested it.

YANBU for having lots of Bucks Fizz

.....but YABU (extremely) about your DSS being asked not to phone his mother until she wakes up. You sound like you are willing him to be dissapointed and hurt whereas he probably hasn't given it a moments thought.

Very very silly and melodramatic, get back to having a fun day and drinking Your Bucks Fizz

So if you'd known she was on nights you wouldn't have expected her to speak to DS, but because you didn't know you do expect her to do so?

I'm a stepmum, dss is here, if mum called during dinner then she does, so what? Seriously, your always moaning about her, chill out it's christmas.

Why would you have DSS for Christmas and not DSD?

So if you haven't seen him since you suggested to phone his mother as he's been upstairs and you've been in the kitchen, how the bloody hell do you know he's withdrawn and upset? I think you're a weirdo for taking time out to vent about something as trivial as this on here. How pathetic. I feel sorry for your family.

Lol - OK - next time, I'll winge at DP and the DCs instead

oh no please dont. if it saves the dcs from having to listen to that then ok you can whinge here.

NADM maybe not, I don't know, I just feel that there is a lot more to it than just the phonecall. Seems like it could just be the icing on the top of an underlying bigger issue.

Have you looked into support for the ASD? A parental support group in the new year might help support you. often step parents are forgotten even though they are involved and deal with the same issues as the parents.

YABU

Peace and love.

Ah where would AIBU be without people seeking offends and upset where none was meant.

Mum working nights and bloody shattered. Mum will ring when she wakes up. Step mum gets pissy as mum should be so sad to be away from DC for the day and is already annoyed just in case mum rings during dinner.

Y A B U

frustrated Of course there's a much bigger issue and this is just the latest in a long line of things I have to disengage and not care about - sometimes thats hard and I don't always get it right.

It's particularly difficult when DD gets caught up in things - I accepted the issues that come with DSC when I committed to DP, but DD didn't have that choice, and she doesn't always understand why things are different for DSS than for her (her Dad and I have managed, on the whole, to put our differences to one side for her sake whereas DP and his ex are still hostile towards each other).

I hear what your saying about an ASD support group and I am looking into it - but he's only here 2 days a week, so there's only so much we can do and we seem to be caught in a vicious cycle of damage limitation rather than progressing - but again, its none of my business even though it affects my life as well.

Anyway, we've managed a reasonable day - DSS caught up with his mum this afternoon and has just spoken to his sister - which I consider a very positive thing even if its the norm for many.

I'm sure it's terribly difficult being a stepparent but it's depressing to hear so often from SMs about the inadequacies of the birth mother, and how the SM is always trying to help these poor neglected children in the limited time they have available.
I have explained gently to my dh the penalty for leaving me to avoid any such future problems.

I just think the whole thing sounds depressing. All that anger and anxiety cannot be a healthy way to live.

Reasonable and unreasonable doesn't come into it - it just sounds like a nightmare.

but it's depressing to hear so often from SMs about the inadequacies of the birth mother, and how the SM is always trying to help these poor neglected children in the limited time they have available

Yes to this. Im not quite sure why it is, but there seems to be such a large number of neglectful birth mothers on here. Really annoys me. DD1s SM is forever critical of me and tbh I wish she would just stfu because its none of her business how I raise my child. Its between me and her father. Aslong as she is respectful of their house rules and isnt cheeky to SM, then SM has no say.

wannabe I agree, parenting your DD is your and your DPs business - leave SM out of it!

My DSC SM hasn't left me out of it (and before you ask, no, I wasn't the other woman).

By all means parent your DC your way, but don't involve SM when it suits - either to blame for your ex changing and no longer doing things your way or to rely on when convenient.

I never blame her or involve her.

Shes never done sticking her oar in though. Shes a classroom assistant and apparently that overrides my position as DDs mother.

The term "picking up the pieces" really riles me. Life is life. There are no pieces to be picked up, certainly not by a SM. I think the term is "parenting" and should be done by the childs father in your situation.

I'm a step mum and I find it depressing on here when SM s are coming in here moaning about awful mothers and how they are left to pick up the pieces, the current partners are never to blame it seems just the mothers. I find it hard to believe there are so many terrible mothers whose ex partner then goes onto to find perfect mother earth in their next relationship.

From my perspective, dss is lovely, obviously parented differently to my own but we get by, dss is lovely because both his parents taught him to be. I don't have to get on (although we have both made a massive effort for everyone's sake) but I respect her totally as a mother.

YABU OP. Over this issue at least.

But I think all those saying step parents have no right to an opinion are really being quite silly. I am someone's step child, have been since I was 10. My step parent has had as much input in shaping me into the adult I am now as my birth parents. I feel lucky to have three parents. I also feel lucky that my parent who did not remarry has never "pulled rank" or any such thing.

NADM

You sound so jealous of your DH's ex and I believe your'e only happy if your'e able to stir trouble when it comes to her.

I'm another who can never understand how many times I read about how many stepmums refer to their partners ex as the 'psycho ex' etc. Most of the time IME its the stepmums who are the troublemakers !. And I KNOW some stepmothers are lovely.

NotADisneyMum - Hope the Bucks Fizz went down nicely and you've had a good Christmas with the D and DS Cs.

Fink it must have gone to your head a wee bit to post on AIBU though, unless Santa left some flame-proof pants in your stocking .

Merry xmas to you all!

IME the ratio of bad step mothers to bad mothers is about 50:50. Everyone is as bad as each other .

wanna When my DD gets caught in the crossfire between my DP and his ex when they use the DCs to manipulate each other, I have to pick up those pieces.

Like it or not, both DD and I have a relationship with DSC and so when they gets upset, withdraw, reject us etc - it affects us all. My DP does the parenting of his DC, leaving me to deal with my own DD.

I do far less for my DSS than most SM - I am not a practical part of his life, and wouldn't describe myself as one of his primary carers, but he is a member of my family, one who is parented by two other people and just sometimes, the decisions made by those parents frustrate me because they affect my life too.

Every thread I read from you is a whinge about your step kids or their Mum. You must be emotionally exhausted with obsessing about her.

I bet she doesn't give YOU. A second thought.

Am thinking maybe you're all het up and WANTED to row with SOMEONE, if you you cant access her then post on MN and vent your frustration on posters here who quite rightly tell you YABU.

LOL frost - you're quite right.

I use MN to vent - I share the majority of my life, all the positive aspects, with people other than random anonymous Internet usernames

I have to agree... I have seen many of your threads about her and often feel you're creating and seeing problems that just aren't there. Believe me, this will back-fire on you in years to come. Take a step back and disengage.