To be bloody fuming with SonIL's family over selfish xmas arrangements

[azarragye]

This could be long, sorry.

Basically this year it's DD1's husband's family's turn to host Christmas, we alternate between me doing it and SonIL's parents doing it, their turn this year. In previous years, it would be DD1 going to SonIL's with DGD, myself and DS, DD2 would go to her DP's that year and then she and DP would come to mine the year I hosted Christmas if that makes sense. DD2 and DP don't have any children, DD2 sadly found out earlier this year she can't have them due to a medical condition. DS is grown up but much younger than the DDs and single, so tends to spend Christmas with me and DD1, either at SonIL's parents or mine. Hope that makes sense so far!

DD2 and DP separated a few months ago very messily, exP became nasty once it was confirmed that DD2 couldn't have children and it ended badly. DD2 is suffering the effects of this, no official diognosis as I can't get her to the doctors but DD1, DS and I are worried about her, we're keeping an eye on it.

Since the separation, DD2 has been made legal guardian of a friend's daughter for various complicated reasons, she hasn't adopted her but this is the long-term aim, depending to a point on what happens in the next few months/year. I've been quite heavily involved with the little girl since DD2 is now effectively a single parent and she's a real sweetheart, fits in perfectly. DD2 was invited to SonIL's parents for Christmas as she obviously won't be going to exP's. DD1 asked her DP (SonIL) if her DD (friend's little girl, not official yet but going to be the easiest way to refer to her) could come too, he said that was fine.

Earlier in the month SonIL's father was taken ill with appendicitis and rushed to hospital, he's been back at home 5 days now and still recovering, it's a slow process due to his age but he's expected to make a full recovery. I offered to take over Christmas this year but SonIL's mother said no, she would be fine to do it at hers as long as we all helped out, which I was fine with as that's what happens anyway, if I end up doing more than usual at hers this year then that's fine, I don't mind at all.

So SonIL's mother has phoned today to say that she's thought about it, and actually she's happy to have the usual lot from my DD1's side of the family over and DD2, but not DD2's DD because she's 'not family.' I was absolutely furious, began explaining to her that actually she is, at which point she said she had to go and put the phone down on me So now wondering how on earth to play this one! Advice would be much appreciated.

Bloody hell, Lambzig! What awful people! I cannot believe how strange some people are.
Grandchildren are grandchildren in my book - whatever way they're aquired

Congratulations on the arrival of your second DC. You'll have a lovely Christmas, surrounded by the family that matters.

It's a bit of a moot point now, but can a legal guardian entrust the child they're responsible for to others anyway? I know people shove adopted, and until the adoption was final, the prospective adoptive parents couldn't use others to babysit. So the daughter would have to be with DD2 legally as well as morally on Christmas day.

Orchidee I know the only way I've ever been able to babysit my parents' foster kids is because I'm a childminder and we've done it all official like.

Sod the bloody lot of them I say. And you have a wonderful Christmas.

Goes without saying that your son in law is a sweetie, his Mother not so much.

Re: all the weirdos who object to IVF on religious grounds, what the frick was Jesus?

After all his mother, Mary, and his father God never had sex. . . So it was either a type of IVF or surrogacy?? Wasn't it?

There's a subject for Christmas dinner: was the birth of Jesus either a early form of IVF, or was it surrogacy?

That should rattle their cages

Smells Thats brilliant logic, and i never thought of it that way,

I suspect that the comeback would be IVF is only for special people like god.

Blimy there are some seriously nasty people in the world, what win te tread abouut a little b not getting a Chrstmas present from his nan because he is adopted. I would host your wn and leave tem out of it

Sadly it's a 'discussion' I've had before.

For the adoption deny-ears, if they're religious you can floor them by asking if they think they are better than St.Joseph?

After all if Jesus is the son of God, then old Joe (who in the bible actually wasn't all that old, not the bowed old geezer that is normally portrayed) was his ADOPTED father.

He accepted it, who are you to say adoption is wrong?

Good catholic education, give me an stance and I can prove/ disprove it
Always in my favour.

Wow Lambzig your PIL sound nuts. Ask them to show you where exactly in the Bible it says 'Tho shalt not conceive of a child in a petri-dish, nor shall thee then have an embryo transferred to thy wife's womb under ultra-sound guidance. Thus sayeth the Lord.' Bet they can't find anything.... idiots.

Ohhhh I like the 'was Jesus IVF/adopted/surrogacy argument, MIL would love that

It gets better and better- had a phone call from DD1 earlier to warn me that MIL has just been round to hers to collect hers and FIL's Christmas presents They didn't want to make a fuss so handed them over, although none dropped off for them and her DGCs in return, we know she has bought for them because she rung DD1 to confirm she'd got the right thing. So we think she may be doing the rounds. DD2 is still very upset by the whole thing, so I told her to come round to mine with her DD, we'll turn all the lights at the front of the house off and pretend we're not in if she knocks.

DD2's DD thinks it's quite exciting, 'like hiding from the aliens in Doctor Who'

So she has now cut off her "blood" relatives too?

She really doesnt care who she hurts in her tantrums does she?

Oh it gets better, So now she's collected her and her OHs presents so she accepts she's not going to see her son and his family on Xmas day, but she hasn't left any presents for the children or her son and dil! She is priceless, she's trying to make sure she gets to see them on Xmas day day as the kids will want their presents. She obviously doesn't believe her son won't see her on Xmas day. She is twisted.

Woman is a control freak, sheesh, hope Son in law gives her what for.

She has collected presents people have bought her or taken back ones she has given?

Has she always been like this??

Has she always been such a vile twat?!

Did she just turn up and state "I'm here for my presents." ????? She is sounding more and more ODD!

Arh SonIL sounds like my DP. he rocks.

Your family sound lovely, MIL sounds like mine and we have not spoken to her for nearly a decade.

Merry Christmas.

Giv SIL a "you rock" from me

How bloody rude (to add to everything else).

Has the 'Alien' came knocking yet?

Im starting to wonder if she is having a minor break down because this is just plain nutty behaviour!

your DSil sounds like a good guy.

She's done what? I always thought that presents weren't yours until they were given to you - up to that point they are 'stuff people have bought'

Barking I tell ye, barking.

Come on - now you have to tell us what other barking things she has done in the past, it cannot, simply cannot have been plain sailing until now

This isn't just mean it is utterly bizarre. Who makes this much of a fuss over having an extra kid for Christmas?

Weird.

People come and go here, we keep a stash of extra presents in the spare room in case we have unexpected extras for Christmas, it wouldn't even occur to me to exclude anyone let alone a child. Have many a time had people rock up for Christmas lunch or whatever with extra children or family friends, as we always cook enough for quite a large army it really isn't an issue.

It really is very odd behaviour. Very Odd.

Morloth I thought exactly the same. Most people are perfectly ready to accommodate an extra lonely person at Christmas. Even more so if a child.

It really is bizarre, isn't it? We did have a rather persistant knocker on the door, but I think our expert planning paid off and she thought we were out

We haven't asked for our money back for Christmas dinner- feel a bit bad as originally MIL was hosting for 11 and now she has a turkey of that size for two I do firmly believe she brought it on herself but I'm not about to demand the money back IYSWIM.

Judging by some of the things she's said on the phone to SonIL this evening, it seems that the issue may be she thinks DD2 is a 'precocious stuck up brat' and the whole excluding her DD thing may have been a ploy to get at her. Which makes the whole thing even more bizarre, because she's never even hinted at this before Struggling to know how to handle her now tbh