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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that Fathers don't always crave sons?

122 replies

autumnlights12 · 21/12/2012 13:03

I have three girls.
Yet another person this morning made yet another snide remark about my 'poor husband' and how we 'might have a boy next time' and it got me wondering.
How do men feel?
How does your partner feel?
Did he want a boy?
Does he have all girls and is happy with that?
My husband adores his daughters and is adamant that he didn't ever yearn for a boy.
Do most men hanker after a son?

OP posts:

DeathMetalMum · 21/12/2012 14:12

Mine didn't either when expecting dd I wantd a boy he wanted a girl. Expecting DC 2 at the moment and he definitley wants another girl.

tunnocksteacake · 21/12/2012 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jinglebellyalltheway · 21/12/2012 14:16

Mine has a preference for boys, but not "to have someone to play football with" it's called foot ball, not penis ball, and girls have feet! anyway HE is a man who doesn't play football, and wears pink amongst other colours that suit him

I think he sees raising girls as more of a mine field, particularly considering how his family view girls (lots of emphasis on being pretty and thin and getting a man), whereas boys go nicely under the radar in his family and can do what they want! I think he might fall out with family over raising of girls IYKWIM as he has quite feminist views

he would love to have a daughter too, but I think he would be quite fiercely protective about how girls are meant to be in his family IYKWIM

I don't yearn for a daughter either, which is the equivalent of every man wanting a son! I think my DH has personal reasons for wanting sons but its more to do with how a girl would be treated by family than yearning for a male heir!

jinglebellyalltheway · 21/12/2012 14:19

"Did you see Mo Farah's article at the startof the Christmas radio times? They asked him what he wanted in the new year and he said a baby boy to take to football matches. The pic is of him holding his baby twin girls. He has a 7 yo girl too"

yup, also the Jules Oliver interview where she said that Jamie was so happy to have a boy "to go on fishing trips with" that he's been taking him already even though he's not even 1 yet!
I always thought he was a knob anyway, but its when people do things like that as as a little girl I had hours and hours of quality time with my dad on fishing trips, and his little girls don't count as company on his trips??

INeedThatForkOff · 21/12/2012 14:20

If pressed, DH said he would prefer another girl when I was pregnant with DS. However, he loves both of them to bits.

LilyVonSchtupp · 21/12/2012 14:21

My DH (sensitive, talkative, creative, brought up in an all-female household) initially wanted a DD. He may have been put off by my three rampaging footballncarsnwargames nephews.

We have one DS - he adored him from the first and people comment on how close and wonderful their relationship is. Despite DS being a rampaging footballncarsnwargames type of boy.

My DMum had three DDs and is very glad her GCs are all male!

MegaClutterSlut · 21/12/2012 14:27

My DH always made it clear he only wanted boys. Our first was a boy, 2nd was a girl. Guess which one has daddy wrapped right round there little finger

HipHopOpotomus · 21/12/2012 14:29

we have 2 DD's.
AKAIK no one has ever said that to DP (no one would dare has ever said that to me either).

TheKnightsWhoSayNi · 21/12/2012 14:37

I'm a man ("Ah! What's it doing on here?!?" you wail.), so I'll answer this one.

I have 3 kids, two of which were girls. I really didn't care whether they were boys or girls. I love 'em all. It's a very old stereotype based on the archaic patriarchal idiocy that only a male would continue your line.

Not so important nower days.

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/12/2012 14:49

Jingle I nearly sprayed my screen with diet coke at penis* ball

TheKnightsWhoSayNi · 21/12/2012 14:58

Maybe that's why I don't care.

I don't do fishing. Too violent for me.
And I find football extremely boring.

motherinferior · 21/12/2012 15:01

My Bangladeshi FIL was apparently desperate for a girl. He ended up with four boys

Amothersruin · 21/12/2012 15:08

Both dh and myself really wanted our firstborn to be a son and he was but only lived a few hours. When pregnant again we wanted another son and had one. Now we have 2 ds and a dd-dh was a tiny bit disapointed when we found out we were having a girl but she is now daddy's little princess!

My dsis and her partner were desperate for a boy and had one and I know my bil would have liked a ds-he has 2 dd's.

I have another friend who has 3 dd's and is adamant that she never wanted a boy so it works both ways.

Arcticwaffle · 21/12/2012 15:13

We have 3 girls. DP is very happy. He likes watersports and lego and scaletrix and woodwork and martial arts, and so do the dds. They all like to slob in front of the Simpsons in a room that's an absolute tip, with lots of crisps. There really isn't much he's missing, short of some sort of willy-related bonding ritual.

4boyzmum · 21/12/2012 15:13

I have 5 DS's . DS5 is our very new addition - not got round to a name change update yet!! I lost track of the amount of people - strangers and those who knew us as a family - who assumed (very wrongly) that we were just producing children until a girl arrived. We found out what we were having and when folk found out DC5 was also a boy we actually were treated with pity by some morons!!! I love all my boys as does DH.....but if i'd have had 5DD's i'd love them just as much. We wanted children at end of day...gender never has come into it.

Oh, and really fed up of the rhymes people feel the need to tell us:-
A daughters a daughter all of her life; a son is a son til he takes a wife
and the other gem of wisdom:-
'Youre not a man til you've made a lass'

Bugger off!!

RubyrooUK · 21/12/2012 15:17

We have DS and I am pregnant with DS2. Other men keep congratulating my husband as if we live in the Middle Ages and he has a kingdom to pass on.

On the other hand, people say to me when I tell them I am expecting another boy "oh, did you want a girl this time?" or "oh well they are all children I suppose" and "do you think you'll try for a girl?" and even my very good friend who has one of each said "oh I'm glad I have a daughter not just a son; it's so special saying 'my daughter'".

Neither DH or I care at all. DH has often said he'd love any gender as long as we got a baby (we had a lot of trouble conceiving first time round).

He would love whatever we got and doesn't think gender is particularly important. (It should be noticed that his most football-mad friend is female, he is the one who cooks and cleans.)

So no, my DH was not really bothered about having sons. He just likes the one we've got so far because he adores him as his child.

Amothersruin · 21/12/2012 15:18

Would you have had 5 children though if of the others had been a boy? 5 children is quite unusual in this day and age and I have to be honest I would presume that you kept trying for a dd-nowt wrong with that imo.

Junebugjr · 21/12/2012 15:25

We have all girls. DP is a 'mans man' and wanted a son with DD1, and wouldn't admit it, but was a bit disappointed at the 20 week scan it wasn't a boy, probably as he was imagining the whole male sports bonding stuff he'd be missing out on. He was thrilled with dd when she was born, and only wanted girls after that. I doubt he imagined his parenting involving regular make overs with the girls though!

4boyzmum · 21/12/2012 15:29

No, not trying for a girl at all. Just wanted a larger family. If im honest it was more the fact that every comment i heard i'd heard a million times before - tho i suppose the person who's saying it isn't to blame for that!! It got a bit boring and irritating after a while. And also the assumption that we wanted a girl isn't so bad it's more the sympathetic 'poor you' reaction to me not having a daughter that's more insulting IYSWIM?? In the same way that a father doesn't 'need' a son to do such as footy or fishing for example then I don't necessarily need a daughter to enjoy shopping trips with!

5madthings · 21/12/2012 15:31

I have five. Four boys and then no 5 was a girl. For as long as i can remember i wanted a large family. Dp was happy with this. We thought four was enough but wavered about having another, werent as careful as we could have been and ended up with five. Tbh if we could afford it i would have one more (posdibly two more!) but we cant so its a moot point but i really hate the assumption that we kept going to get a girl. We had no feelings either way and people that make comments on how we finally got a girl etc are bloody rude, particularly when they say them infront of my children!

We wanted a large family and were lucky enough to have a large family, i get preg easily and had easy pregnancies and labours. I vonsider myself blessed (in a non religious sense!) but the idea that we kept popping them out to get a girl would be laughable if it werent so bloody rude.

FeelingFestiveCheerMum · 21/12/2012 15:35

We have one dd and I asked Dh a he back if he was sad that he didn't have a on, he looked at me like I was bonkers! Another dd and Dh double act here, inseperable! Pair of bloody NUTTERS!

FeelingFestiveCheerMum · 21/12/2012 15:36

Bloody iPad......I asked Dh a WHILE back ..... have a SON

jeez

LadyArtois · 21/12/2012 15:37

My DP said he wouldn't mind either way, but liked the idea of having a girl more. I got what I wanted and have a beautiful DS, and DP is so in love with him and really doesn't care that this is our first and last baby!

Don't listen to what other people say!

FellatioNelson · 21/12/2012 15:38

I have three boys and I get this all the time in reverse. I don't give a stuff abut not having a girl - never have. And I am sure that if I'd had three girls my DH would not give a stuff either.

4boyzmum · 21/12/2012 15:40

I completely agree 5madthings, i feel incredibly lucky and proud to have my 5 DC's and consider myself very blessed that all my boys are healthy and happy. They were all very much wanted and none of them were conceived on the basis that they were hoped to be a girl.

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