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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my friend about my dress?

102 replies

tak1ngchances · 20/12/2012 16:07

This is a fairly minor issue, but I am genuinely interested to know if I am being unreasonable as I am relatively annoyed with a good friend of mine. I have had my sister agree with me and another friend think I am bonkers.

This good friend has recently lost quite a bit of weight and is looking absolutely gorgeous. I am so happy for her, she's had a shit year. We are going out tonight for a couple of cocktails to celebrate her weight loss and to toast all the good things that will happen in 2013.

Last week she was in my house and said she had nothing to wear. So we went up and looked through all my dresses. She picked out a dress that would be stunning on her. I said "By all means you are welcome to borrow it, it's a good dress that I've only worn once to a wedding but of course you can wear it".

She took it home to try on.

Then today she posted pictures on Facebook of herself wearing the dress to a nightclub last night! I was Shock that she hadn't texted to ask if that was ok. I would have said no by the way because nightclubs are a bit tough on dresses.

My sister agrees that it's a bit cheeky of her to wear it to a club, other friend says I loaned her the dress so she was entitled to do what she wanted with it.

I will see her tonight, in my dress, and I don't know whether to say anything or not (really don't want to spoil the evening), or just to keep my trap shut and not lend her things in the future.

What do you think?

OP posts:
ifancyashandy · 20/12/2012 16:09

Really?! Totally wouldn't bother me at all. Bit baffled as to why it's pissed you off to be honest.

moomoomar · 20/12/2012 16:09

Ummm I think you are bloody odd tbh!

NigellaTufnel · 20/12/2012 16:10

YABU.

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 20/12/2012 16:11

Also baffled. You'll have cause for complaint if she doesn't have it cleaned and there's some sort of problem with it.

moomoomar · 20/12/2012 16:11

Are you annoyed that she's lost loads of weight and she's going to be out 2 nights in a row? And as or nightclubs being tough on dresses Confused

CheeseandPickledOnion · 20/12/2012 16:11

Tuff one, you lent the dress, therefore essentially gave her permission to wear it, and if you didn't stipulate she was only to wear it on the one night then she's not really done anything wrong.

But I might be a bit miffed too.

I'd probably bite my tongue but ask that she return it after your night out, and say something like, I haven't had many wears out of it myself yet...

Gigondas · 20/12/2012 16:11

Yabu

givemeaclue · 20/12/2012 16:12

You told her she could borrow it, so she did. Yabu

CluffyDude · 20/12/2012 16:12

As long as she would replace it if she damaged it I can't see why you're annoyed.

Yab bonkers Smile

Pancakeflipper · 20/12/2012 16:12

You let her borrow a dress but she's not allowed to wear it out ?

If you gave her a list of places she is allowed to wear it then YMightNBU

beckyboo232 · 20/12/2012 16:12

It wouldn't bother me at all tbh. I sure why it would? I would just be pleased she was having a good time/using the dress especially if it didn't get much wear.

SweetMingePie · 20/12/2012 16:12

YABU. You told her she could borrow it, she wore it, can't see the problem.

MrsCampbellBlack · 20/12/2012 16:12

You didn't really want to loan her the dress did you? And I don't blame you for that but since you did you couldn't really expect her to ask permission to wear it to a club.

Ephiny · 20/12/2012 16:13

So you lent her the dress, but expected her to text you for specific permission to wear it, and for you to approve the occasion/venue?

Has she damaged the dress in any way?

SantasENormaSnob · 20/12/2012 16:13

It really wouldn't bother me tbh.

Except maybe that I wasn't partying too Xmas Grin

MerylStrop · 20/12/2012 16:13

Yep, bonkers, sorry
If you only wanted her to wear it in her bedroom once newly bathed you should have said or just not lent it to her
Unless the photos are of her with her head down the toilet
I presume she will have it cleaned and return it to you in pristine condition

valiumredhead · 20/12/2012 16:13

YABU you lent it to her, you don't get to dictate where she wears it!

Badgersnatch · 20/12/2012 16:13

I hope she washes it today or she might be a little ripe this evening. Other than that you are being a bit U.

nilbyname · 20/12/2012 16:14

YABU, you said she could borrow it and you pronounced no limitations on how she should use it!

Tonight you might say, you looked great in that dress the other night there, and tonight even more wow! You know I need that dress back for a function at NYE, do you think you will have time to clean it and get it back to me before then, otherwise I can collect it in the next few days?

FireOverBethlehem · 20/12/2012 16:14

Had it been 10 years ago and you could still smoke in clubs, I'd have agreed with you, but just dancing and lager isn't that tough on a frock.

She borrowed it to wear, she wore it and looked fab - presumably hence why she wore it to the club. Enjoy the boost that you've given to her self esteem.

PippinWoo · 20/12/2012 16:14

In my experience if you lend things, you have to be prepared for them to come back in a worse state. Hopefully a good friend would take care of whatever it was you lent and it would be okay when returned but you have to be fully prepared for it not to be. If you can't handle that, you don't lend things out unfortunately.

I bet the dress is fine. YABU unless you told her no nightclubs and she promised to abide by it.

valiumredhead · 20/12/2012 16:14

Explain to an old giffer who a club can be hard on a dress Confused You are just as likely to spill something on a dress if you are at a restaurant surely?

forbiddenfruit85 · 20/12/2012 16:15

But you lent her the dress and she wore it?

I don't see the problem.

How is a nightclub hard on a dress?

DontmindifIdo · 20/12/2012 16:15

well it depends, if you are going out for a rather sensible night tonight were it's unlikely that anything will be split on the dress, then that's rather different thing to loan a dress for than a night in a club just before where it's highly likely that someone will spill something on the dress. Is it a pale coloured dress that is highly likely to stain?

I tend to work on the priniciple that if you loan an item of clothing, you should assume it'll be ruined by the other person and only loan things you don't mind getting trashed.

perceptionInaPearTree · 20/12/2012 16:15

YABU because you lent her the dress but were not clear that there were only certain circumstances that she can wear it. She probably assumed that as you let her take it, your wouldn't mind.