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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with my friend about my dress?

102 replies

tak1ngchances · 20/12/2012 16:07

This is a fairly minor issue, but I am genuinely interested to know if I am being unreasonable as I am relatively annoyed with a good friend of mine. I have had my sister agree with me and another friend think I am bonkers.

This good friend has recently lost quite a bit of weight and is looking absolutely gorgeous. I am so happy for her, she's had a shit year. We are going out tonight for a couple of cocktails to celebrate her weight loss and to toast all the good things that will happen in 2013.

Last week she was in my house and said she had nothing to wear. So we went up and looked through all my dresses. She picked out a dress that would be stunning on her. I said "By all means you are welcome to borrow it, it's a good dress that I've only worn once to a wedding but of course you can wear it".

She took it home to try on.

Then today she posted pictures on Facebook of herself wearing the dress to a nightclub last night! I was that she hadn't texted to ask if that was ok. I would have said no by the way because nightclubs are a bit tough on dresses.

My sister agrees that it's a bit cheeky of her to wear it to a club, other friend says I loaned her the dress so she was entitled to do what she wanted with it.

I will see her tonight, in my dress, and I don't know whether to say anything or not (really don't want to spoil the evening), or just to keep my trap shut and not lend her things in the future.

What do you think?

OP posts:

nickelbabylyinginamanger · 20/12/2012 16:16

YABU sorry.

you lent it to her, she can wear it wherever she likes as long as she doesn't ruin it.

she could ruin it just as easily in a restaurant as a club (more likely even cos of food spillage risk)

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 20/12/2012 16:16

If you don't want her to actually wear your clothes then don't lend them to her!

YABU

Original poster

tak1ngchances · 20/12/2012 16:17

Ha! You all think I am bonkers too. I suppose I am just really fastidious about my things. If I borrowed a dress to wear to a specific occasion with the friend who loaned me the dress, that's all I would do with it. I wouldn't wear it to anything else.

But I totally get what you are all saying.

My sister feeling the same as me might just mean that we were raised in a peculiar way!

To those who are asking, I am not remotely jealous of her, I am thrilled for her and I am just not a jealous type of person.

OP posts:

MaxPepsi · 20/12/2012 16:18

Did she know she was only leant it for going out in tonight?

I'm guessing she's gone on a xmassy type do and therfore thinks the dress is appropiate to wear?

If you'd lent her a ball gown for new years eve for example and she wore it down the pub on xmas eve i'd be a bit fucked off but not if she'd worn it for a ball iyswim

If it's annoyed you, learn from this and gift her the dress as a well done for losing weight.

I only ever lend clothes i'm not that fussed about anymore

frankinsensible · 20/12/2012 16:18

Don't see that it's 'bonkers' - you lent her a nearly-new dress for a specific occasion and she's making it more worn - so I can see the point but it's not really worth getting annoyed about and if she's had a shit year I wouldn't make an issue of it.

DontmindifIdo · 20/12/2012 16:18

(Pippin - this time of year clubs are full of people who've carried on after a works do, they are hammered already before they arrive, it's busier than normal and they are dancing with drinks in hand, it's just more likely that stuff will be spilt on the dress than it would be sat at a table at a restaurant, in a restaurant then you've only got to think "will my friend drop anything on the dress herself and is this the sort of place where the staff might drop things?" in a club you've got to think "will any of the several hundred drunk people around her drop anything on the dress?")

Havingkitties · 20/12/2012 16:19

It was your choice to lend her the dress. If you had stipulations to where she could wear the dress you should of told her beforehand, though bit odd to stipulate this beforehand.

I have things that I would be wary of lending (certain accident prone) people because they are expensive or delicate but I just wouldn't offer it to them if I were going to be worried about it, as its my problem I'm overprotective of such items and its a bit unfair on a friend to face my wrath if they spill something on it.

If I was you I would just say anything about it (apart from saying how nice she looked in it on Facebook) and just keep a note that maybe for your own sake you shouldn't lend things out if your wary of how they will be used.

LIZS · 20/12/2012 16:20

did you loan it specifically for this evening or just say of course you can borrow it ? tbh you sound a bit oversensitive and perhaps shouldn't agree to loan things out.

Pancakeflipper · 20/12/2012 16:20

I want to know what you get up to In clubs to ruin your outfits... You wild thing

PiccadillyCervix · 20/12/2012 16:20

I wouldn't care if she work it to the county dump, so long as it came back in clean perfect condition. Her risk not yours

Original poster

tak1ngchances · 20/12/2012 16:20

I think she knew it was for tonight, our entire discussion was about the fact that it's quite a dressy bar we're going to and she was helping me choose what to wear as well.

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 20/12/2012 16:20

If you are fastidious about your things, don't loan them out! Just don't. make excuses.

lurkedtoolong · 20/12/2012 16:20

Bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. :-)

Original poster

tak1ngchances · 20/12/2012 16:22

Am loving the fact I'm getting called bonkers, it's genuinely making me giggle

OP posts:

Vagaceratops · 20/12/2012 16:23

In what way is a nightclub hard on a dress?

Bingdweller · 20/12/2012 16:24

Are you a bit pissed off that she will have worn it more than you have by the time you get it back?

LIZS · 20/12/2012 16:24

ah so you said "here's something you can wear for our cocktails" but didn't specify that was the only occasion.

Catsdontcare · 20/12/2012 16:25

Erm I think you are being unreasonable. I would love to know what you think she is going to do in a nightclub that is so bad for your dress though!

Ughfootballseason · 20/12/2012 16:27

I'm picky about my stuff too but YABVU!

Original poster

tak1ngchances · 20/12/2012 16:28

Nightclubs = extremely heavy drinking (in the case of my friend) = damaged shoes, bag, dress IME

OP posts:

Ephiny · 20/12/2012 16:29

If you're so fastidious about your things, it would probably be better not to lend them out -- it doesn't seem like it's worth the stress or the potential for falling out with a friend.

Original poster

tak1ngchances · 20/12/2012 16:30

True Ephiny

OP posts:

Ephiny · 20/12/2012 16:32

(a bit late to say now, obviously :))

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 20/12/2012 16:32

YABU Op.
But that was a very charming post where you do admit you might be wrong

pictish · 20/12/2012 16:33

Honestly? Don't lend your stuff out in future.

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