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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my friend about my dress?

102 replies

tak1ngchances · 20/12/2012 16:07

This is a fairly minor issue, but I am genuinely interested to know if I am being unreasonable as I am relatively annoyed with a good friend of mine. I have had my sister agree with me and another friend think I am bonkers.

This good friend has recently lost quite a bit of weight and is looking absolutely gorgeous. I am so happy for her, she's had a shit year. We are going out tonight for a couple of cocktails to celebrate her weight loss and to toast all the good things that will happen in 2013.

Last week she was in my house and said she had nothing to wear. So we went up and looked through all my dresses. She picked out a dress that would be stunning on her. I said "By all means you are welcome to borrow it, it's a good dress that I've only worn once to a wedding but of course you can wear it".

She took it home to try on.

Then today she posted pictures on Facebook of herself wearing the dress to a nightclub last night! I was Shock that she hadn't texted to ask if that was ok. I would have said no by the way because nightclubs are a bit tough on dresses.

My sister agrees that it's a bit cheeky of her to wear it to a club, other friend says I loaned her the dress so she was entitled to do what she wanted with it.

I will see her tonight, in my dress, and I don't know whether to say anything or not (really don't want to spoil the evening), or just to keep my trap shut and not lend her things in the future.

What do you think?

OP posts:
LaCiccolina · 20/12/2012 17:40

Until update bu. now, well tables turned. And yes I'd defo ask after my dress to see how fared. Wouldn't surprise me if hangover is actually a dry cleaner....

Ruprekt · 20/12/2012 17:42

Would not have been upset at her wearing the dress to begin with but now she has cancelled the night out, I would be a bit miffed!!

SarahStratton · 20/12/2012 17:42

I'm going to buck the trend, OP lent her the dress for her to wear when they went out together, she didn't give her carte blanche to do as she pleased with it.

DoctorAnge · 20/12/2012 17:42

If you lend a dress chances are it will be well worn and possibly damaged. Which is why I don't lend fancy dresses!

MammaTJ · 20/12/2012 17:46

You should have told her she was only allowed to wear it while sipping tea and eating cucumber sandwhiches!!

HotBurrito1 · 20/12/2012 17:52

Exactly Sarah, she was lending it for a special occasion that they were both looking forward to.

Glad you are going out anyway OP, have fun.

simplesusan · 20/12/2012 17:53

I think you are a bit bonkers.

SarahStratton · 20/12/2012 17:54

Why? Friend needed a dress to wear when they were going out together. No mention of nightclubbing at all. OP was going to be there, so assumed poor dress was safe.

I'd be fucked off too.

LIZS · 20/12/2012 17:55

Now the cancellation would annoy me especially as she has been so brazen about her other night out !

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 20/12/2012 18:05

At first I thought you were a bit bonkers TBH, however, thinking about it - if I had lent a friend an expensive/special dress to wear to a wedding (or other special occasion - not one even necessarily with me) then found out she'd been wearing it other times as well, I'd probably feel a bit odd about it - I think it's 'calculated risk' isn't it?! You decided you didn't mind 'the risk' of her wearing it to a 'nice' place with you, once. You didn't know she intended to wear it out partying, so you didn't know 'the risk' you were taking it lending it to her.

I wonder if she's ruined it and is too embarrassed to tell you, so has bailed tonight? stirs oops

Badgersnatch · 20/12/2012 18:06

Ooo. I'm coming round to your POV now OP. I would be thinking that she used me to get the dress for the nightclub, whilst pretending it was for a night out with you that she had no intention of going on (been watching too much poirot).

Is she single? Was she likely on the pull last night? Was pulling not on the agenda for tonight? Any chance she has murdered the dress but is too chicken shit to tell you so she's cancelling?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 20/12/2012 18:09

LIZS - you do realise she went out last night?? Why should she hide that??

jinglebellyalltheway · 20/12/2012 18:11

what did you think she was going to do in the dress? sit in and watch newsnight? Confused

p.s. I've always found all day at a wedding much harder going on dresses than an evening out in town - there's more tipsy twats with red wine at wedding

DIYapprentice · 20/12/2012 18:13

I'm a bit Hmm that she expected to wear the dress out 2 days in a row, wouldn't it have been a bit grotty for night 2??

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 20/12/2012 18:14

As long as she returns the dress in the same condition she received it, it's fine. Can't see the problem.

ShipwreckedUnderTheTree · 20/12/2012 18:16

Actually, I'm with Sarah and Chipping...

Seems a bit cheeky to wear the dress for more than just the occasion it was lent for.

But I guess its the risk of lending it out.

ShipwreckedUnderTheTree · 20/12/2012 18:17

Also, if she has recently lost weight, she wouldn't have very much choice to wear and it was a really nice thing you did to lend her something Xmas Smile

PiccadillyCervix · 20/12/2012 18:19

I have never seen an AIBU go this way. Everyone thinks Op is bonkers. Op admits to bonkersish tendencies.

Everyone then decided Op was right all along.

the end of the world is nigh Shock

permaquandry · 20/12/2012 18:25

Even before the update I thought YANBU. She borrowed the dress for a specific occasion, it's not hers to where whenever or wherever. A very good friend leant me a dress for a wedding, no way would I have worn it before or after for another occasion. At the very least, she could have called and asked.

Have a fab night.

montage · 20/12/2012 18:26

Is it one of those nightclub in Ibiza where they shoot foam over people and their borrowed dresses, using those water cannon things?

FellatioNelson · 20/12/2012 18:32

But if she had nothing to wear out with you then she also had nothing to wear to the nightclub. Confused I think you are being a bit petty.

happydad02 · 20/12/2012 18:34

As you've lent it for a specific reason then you have the right to be slightly miffed. But as you mentioned she has lost a lot of wieght recently and maybe now she is starting to go out more and has nothing to wear. Maybe a slight pang of Jelousy as You may feel she looks better in it than you? Only joking at the last bit there but as someone else mentioned just say you need it back cleaned for a particular occasion.

SallyCinnamonandNutmeg · 20/12/2012 18:51

Maybe she has cancelled the night out as she has been reading this post and is now too embarrassed to see you???

StuntGirl · 20/12/2012 19:00

I don't think yabu OP, it was obvious you were lending it for the night out tonight, not any time she felt like wearing it. Although I can absolutely understand her wanting to go out and look fabulous if she's just lost a load of weight. If it were me I'd have text and asked if it was ok to wear it to 'x' the night before and obviously I woud get it cleaned/fixed if anything happened to it.

However given what's happened I would just not lend clothes out in future, easier for both parties :)

SallyCinnamonandNutmeg · 20/12/2012 19:08

Does anyone else think that this sort of thing did not happen and the world was a more straightforward place before people started plastering pictures of themselves all over farcebook for all and sundry to see? (or am I being reallly old fashioned? Smile )

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