Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how other mums WOH?

97 replies

fuzzypicklehead · 20/12/2012 14:07

So as I was getting ready for work this morning, DD2 asked me for a cuddle...

whereupon she was copiously sick all over me. Cue the usual frantic conversation with DH about which of us was going to try to get the day off and stay home with her, followed by further scrambling to sort out something for tomorrow since she won't be allowed back to the childminders until after Christmas now.

Last week it was DD1 off school with ear infections in both ears.

And then you have the days when the childminder is sick, so you can't send the kids. And weeks where the childminder has annual leave, so you can't send the kids. And school/nursery holidays. And childminder family funerals when you can't send the kids.

When the hell do I actually get to go to work?

I don't book annual leave and I drag myself in to work when I'm dying of the plague to avoid letting people down... and yet it feels like a constant battle to get out of the house and earn a living. I just want to be able to afford food!

My DH just tells me "that's what you get for having kids". Is he right? Is this what it's like for all working parents?

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 20/12/2012 14:11

Well I spent 2 hours looking after my friend's DD who was sick overnight until her grandparents got there so my friend could go to work.

So you could try making a friend who can't get a job...I suggest someone who's at home with small children without a job to go back to, that way they'll be available for years, lol

pmcblonde · 20/12/2012 14:11

I suspect people work in places with family friendly policies about family emergencies, use nurseries rather than childminders to avoid a single point of failure in the childcare arrangements, have reliable and helpful parents and mostly importantly, share the responsibility with their partner if they have one

ShamyFarrahCooper · 20/12/2012 14:13

My immediate boss is great and would let me leave whenever I need to, but i don't. We chose a nursery for ds when younger as we were concerned about cover if a childminder was ill (amongst other reasons I might add). We take it in turns usually but ds so far hasn't been ill really.

RedHelenB · 20/12/2012 14:14

Yup, all the joys of being a sibgke working Mum with no family near either!!

Pozzled · 20/12/2012 14:14

Exactly what pmcblonde said- we use a nursery and after school care, I teach so can cover holidays and have family close by who can help. Also DH's work are very flexible so he can take annual leave at short notice.

Without all that it would be very hard.

Mogandme · 20/12/2012 14:16

My boss is a WOHM but has me (a live in nanny) to pick up the slack. Can also cover when her colleagues need child care/when my charge is sick etc.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 20/12/2012 14:16

Very good nursery.

Extremely family friendly company who understand that things happen.

IvantaOuiOui · 20/12/2012 14:18

Use a before and after school club instead then. Am a cm and I have to close if any illness in the house where as nurseries and link clubs always have more staff to cover illness. I don't work when I'm sick as I don't want everyone else to catch it, if you want to drag yourself to work with the plague that's your business.

Original poster
fuzzypicklehead · 20/12/2012 14:19

That is true about nurseries as opposed to childminders. We don't have any near us (within 10 miles, anyway) but I may have to find one near my (or dh's) work. We've been with our childminder since DD1 was born, and I hate to leave her. But it's so frustrating, and I end up in tears feeling like I'm letting people down every time I have to cancel a shift.

OP posts:
YDdraigGoch · 20/12/2012 14:20

That is exactly what it's like when you work and have kids. It's a constant juggling act.
If no willing grandparents near enough to help out, can you come to an arrangement with a friend who doesn't work? Most people are usually happy to help, especially if you can help back, say by having their kids overnight or for a day at the weekend occasionally.

lovelyladuree · 20/12/2012 14:20

Blimey, OP, how many family funerals does the CM have to go to in a year? You need to find another CM/nursery. She is taking the piss.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 20/12/2012 14:21

Sounds like your DH is part of the problem. Shouldn't it be "That's what we get for having kids" ?

TeamBacon · 20/12/2012 14:21

Thankfully I have a very understanding employer, and I only do 3 days a week. I take 1 day, DP takes one day, and then if we need to do a third day we decide based on who has the busier week.

If I really need to be in then I do an early day, and get 5-6 hours under my belt then come home at lunchtime and take over, so then DP can start work (he works from home).

Thankfully we have a child who isn't often sick as well!

IvantaOuiOui · 20/12/2012 14:22

Can you ask your cm if she can recommend a back up cm for if she's off? I have one i pass my parents to when I'm on holiday etc.

benbobaggins · 20/12/2012 14:24

I'm a single mum who works, I work for the council and it's very family friendly, my work colleagues are very understanding if I'm a little late or DS is poorly and I have to take the day off or leave early.

But ultimately we chose to ha e kids and they come first Smile

Arcticwaffle · 20/12/2012 14:24

We chose nurseries usually over childminders, partly because you don't have to tie in with childminder's holidays and their sick leave then.
We took turns being off, half and half which minimises the work impact.
We are merciless with the dc about illness, since they've been at school I've told them they have to have at least 3 limbs hanging off before they get a day off school.
We look after friends' children quite often - I can often do inset days - and that means we can call in favours in return.
It got a lot easier once they were beyond baby/toddler stage. Less illness all round. It's years now since anyone vomited.

SayMama · 20/12/2012 14:24

Do you have any friends that are willing to help? I'm a SAHM and sometimes look after friends kids in situations described above. It's nice to help out and they are always grateful that they have someone they can ring last minute.

Blu · 20/12/2012 14:28
  1. If you have a partner, agree that responsibility for cover is equal and joint. Childcare enables BOTH parents to earn a living for the family, and both parents need to take a fair share of the inevitable crisis days.
  2. Make a good case for flexi and working from home when you need to, and make sure that you demonstrate a very efficient workload when doing so - earn brownie points with your workplace, go the extra mile when you can so that they reciprocate the loyalty. Don't make it hard for them to support you.
  3. Build a network of other parents for mutual emergency support - if you woh f/t offer babysitting at the weekend in return for weekday help, for example.
  4. Look for local paid help - a v reliable teen babysitter, or a nursery worker who likes a bit of extra work.
  5. expect to take holiday in relays - we don't have much holiday at the same time, DP and I cover school hols in shifts.
  6. Use playschemes in holidays.
turkeyboots · 20/12/2012 14:29

Understanding employer, being able to work from home with DC when they are ill and taking it in strict turns between DH and I taking time off (I have a note of who's turn is next!) Use a nursery for consistantly avaialable care.

But it is hard, and when DS had chicken pox DH was away with work for a week. So had to take leave as had no-one else to help out. Relatives are no use as either too far away or have my SiL DC's. But my boss is great and understanding so it all works out ok.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 20/12/2012 14:30

I'm very lucky in having a SAH DH and willing, able and local GPs

I have, on many occasions since having DS wondered how the hell people who don't have that managed. And taken my hat off to them

lljkk · 20/12/2012 14:34

This is why I stopped working. I couldn't juggle it all, either.

Finding it Very difficult to get back into the job market though, after a big break, I have a feeling I won't manage it until youngest is secondary age.

Original poster
fuzzypicklehead · 20/12/2012 14:35

Sadly no grandparents to help out. I do have some friends that don't work, but with kids of their own they don't really want someone else's sick kid in their house.

loveleyladureeI know, on average there are probably 2-3 funerals a year! We live in a really inbred-- rural area so when somebody dies half the village turns out for the funeral.

My CM is one of only two in the village where I live, and her waiting list is a mile long. Maybe we just need to move!

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 20/12/2012 14:36

unpaid leave, using annual leave and having a self employed ex husband who can work from home

HappyMummyOfOne · 20/12/2012 14:38

I think you seriously need to look for a nursery where staff cover is always available.the. You only have to cover illness between you which shiuld be easily doable.

Glittertwins · 20/12/2012 14:40

We used a nursery for childcare because of the continuity of care throughout the year.
Luckily DH works from home and I have a very flexible boss who has no problem with me working from home at all. Just as well really as we have no family nearby who can help out.