to ask how other mums WOH?

[fuzzypicklehead]

So as I was getting ready for work this morning, DD2 asked me for a cuddle...

whereupon she was copiously sick all over me. Cue the usual frantic conversation with DH about which of us was going to try to get the day off and stay home with her, followed by further scrambling to sort out something for tomorrow since she won't be allowed back to the childminders until after Christmas now.

Last week it was DD1 off school with ear infections in both ears.

And then you have the days when the childminder is sick, so you can't send the kids. And weeks where the childminder has annual leave, so you can't send the kids. And school/nursery holidays. And childminder family funerals when you can't send the kids.

When the hell do I actually get to go to work?

I don't book annual leave and I drag myself in to work when I'm dying of the plague to avoid letting people down... and yet it feels like a constant battle to get out of the house and earn a living. I just want to be able to afford food!

My DH just tells me "that's what you get for having kids". Is he right? Is this what it's like for all working parents?

I would much rather colleagues with vomiting children didn't come in to 'share the love'. I bet your colleagues feel the same, but it's not much comfort if you are losing pay over it.

To go back to your OP, I worked part time until the kids were old enough to be left tucked up in bed on their own. I can also work from home. ExP and other family have never helped out with sick kids, though they have covered some holidays so that I could work.

I work a shift pattern so if either of my DD are sick then I'll be at home. Otherwise my Dw takes time off as she is salaried at work so still gets paid. We are also very fortunate to have close family.

I work full time, DD is in nursery so no CM-related issues. I'm a teacher, so she's at home with me in the holidays anyway (but of course, tends not to be ill then!).If I have to take time off to look after her there is no flexible annual leave and I have to apply for leave of absence, which is always unpaid. We usually work it so that I'll do one day, then DH uses annual leave for a few days and then we try to drag grandma off the golf course to help out. It's pretty shit, really. Am trying to persuade DH that it would be better if I went part time, so not only could I spend more time with DD but it would also mean less juggling if she's ill.

Why would you be taking advantage? What a ridiculous thing for your DH to say- they are his children too! Presumably the money you earn at work is used for all the family, rather than spent on caviar and pomanders during carefree days out while your husband mops the brow of an ill child.

We manage because I work somewhere very convenient for my children's school, my husband is occasionally able to work at home, and because I'm part time I've done some extra hours at work which are recorded and could be taken as TOIL in an emergency.

Maybe an exaggeration but I am fed up with the constant having a go at childminders when I and the other minders I know work really hard to give a reliable service but all are tarred with the same brush on MN

Doesn't want to to take advantage? That's bloody ridiculous. He needs to forget that absurd notion straight away.

For me, AL gets used to cover days when ds is ill. We both have a very understanding employer and are also able to work from home at times to cover these times - this wouldn't be possible with a child who needs attention all day but with one who is happy to snooze on the sofa and watch DVDs it's easy enough. We never abuse this; if I've not put the hours in for whatever reason we take the hit.

We don't have family nearby but we have a (very) small network of other parents with whom we can do deals over the holidays.

The only way I can work full time is to work anti-social shifts over the weekend opposite DH's day shifts. I'm at home Mon-Thurs, work Fri, Sat & Sun 12 hour shifts. The massive disadvantage is we never get time as a family, but on the plus side we never have to pay for childcare - illness, inset days and school holidays are split between me & DH with a mixture of TOIL and unpaid leave as it's only ever an issue on Fridays. I am going slowly round the bend now the children are all at school though and desperate to find a more "normal" job. We live in the back end of nowhere with no family nearby, no after school clubs and very few childminders so it's going to be hard to organise. I'd like to move nearer to my family but that's not going to happen.

It does seem easier if . . .

You have family that either can help or will help in an emergency.

One of you that can work flexible hours or from home.

A good support network of friends .

V.well paid job so can afford a nanny.

We have none of these. My husband works long unpredictable hours and is often away. I wouldn't mind going back to work but can't see yet how I could return to teaching!

DS1 is at school, DS2 is at nursery. If DS1 is sick then DH or I can work from home as he's old enough not to need attention and will stay in bed/on sofa. If DS2 is ill then one of us will take leave (I try to keep a bit in reserve for emergencies). Most of my team have children or other caring responsibilities and we're all pretty supportive of each other, which helps.

My employers have a nanny (me). That way they don't need to take leave to cover the children's sickness. One of the DC's was off all last week, but no problem. They also don't need to worry about unexpected school closures etc. We share holiday choice, so they only need to cover the 2 weeks a year I pick, I take the rest of my holiday when they're away. The only thing they need to cover is my sickness, which I think is about 6 days in 4 years.

Your husband is taking the piss.

We share responsibility when one of the DC are ill, maybe swapping his day off to cover that day hoping DC will be well again in time for return to work.

DH does have a senior role within the company he works for but he is also a dad and I also have to work so we have to share.

I think you need to talk to your husband.

And as for CM bashing, I've had this on here a few times and always say the same. I'm not bashing I am just expressing my personal preference is for childcare in a nursery setting, I personally didn't like the childminding arrangement and I am more confident with our nursery care than when we had a cm.

When I am off sick they have grandparents close by who will help out, one of them will work from home or they call on one of my nanny friends to help out.

Inebriatededna I am a cm and I agree. It's very unpleasant having to call parents to cancel work because your own child is sick. I've had them start slagging me off before they've even ended the call. I make it very very clear whn the parents sign the contract that there will be days I cannot work due to illness as I have two children.

Lots of practical thoughts on this thread.

One thought to keep in mind, when DCs are small it can seem as though this is what your life will be like forever. Except that of course it isnt. My DCs are 17, 14 & 12. Once they were all at secondary school it all got a lot easier.

Secondary schools dont expect parents to be as present as they do at primary. No more special assemblies, sports days, summer fayres etc. By the time they get to secondary DCs tend to be a lot more robust and are also expected to be a lot more independent by the school.

I left for work this morning leaving a poorly one on the sofa and a sleepy one still in bed (first day of holidays).

This stage doesnt last forever.

Rock paper scissors! and the usual argument about whose job is more important!

Those of you gushing about wonderful nurseries may be in for a shock when your DC get to school. That's when I cracked, the juggling became that much more difficult because school is only partial hours. A good after school club helps, but I was running different children around to clubs/CM/after school club, it turned into very hard work, and nothing could prepare me for the exhaustion because I never had any true down time.

Wow they can tick all the boxes on my 'things that make it possible' list!!

I survive like this:

DS goes to a nursery which is open 8-6. My husband and I split the week in drop-offs/pick-ups and have always done so. So I might go in at 8am if I need to leave at 5pm to do the pick up or work 9am-8pm on a day I'm dropping off.

This means our employers are used to it and when DH leaves at 5 some nights during the week, no-one blinks. (Or me.) We both work well over our hours by working in the evenings at home and DH is currently on his Blackberry talking to the US office even though he is technically on holiday. So our employers know they get a good deal from us both and we are strict about leaving for pick ups and drop offs.

We both share the time when DS is off sick. If I'm doing something very important at work, DH covers. If the opposite is true, I cover. It works out around 50/50.

If DH is away for more than two days abroad or I've got important stuff on at work, we literally beg my mother to come from another country. This is how we survived the two weeks that DH was on a business trip and DS got chicken pox. We have no family nearby though, so we have to save granny for the big trips.

I don't think there is a great formula to making it work. I couldn't find a childminder I liked and now I see the benefits of nursery as I don't have to take time off when CM is sick (not to knock CMs at all, I only don't use one because none of the great ones nearby had space).

Probably for me the most important thing is that DH believes picking up or dropping off DS/staying home when he is sick etc is just as much his problem as mine.

But there are still times we are both standing in the kitchen at 10pm shouting "oh god his temperature is 39.3, what if it isn't gone by the morning? I can't stay off, I've got a meeting with X at 9 which I can't miss.....it MUST be your turn! What? It's my turn? I hate my life. I can't take this anymore. I'm going to die of stress. Oh damn, he's crying again...."

Anyway, it's all working so well (not) that we're having DS2 very shortly. Uh oh.

Agree nursery not cm. dd's private nursery and now private school have never shut for snow etc even when all nearby state have - I guess due to better staffing ratios - even if a few teachers can't make it they could still open.

Dd has a very robust constitution thanks to nursery from 9 months old. Just had her first day off school sick in yr 2 - dh worked from home.

Private school doesn't have random inset days/finish at 2 just because its the last day etc. use annual leave and holiday care for hols.

I only work 25 hours do can juggle to some extent eg work late one day so I can finish early to take dd to hospital the next. School aftercare is fully flexible no need to book use as and when needed.

Only 1 child - she has a disability which means hospital apts on regular basis.

I work in a company with dh. Its just us so hes not really going to moan if i stay home to look after his child

I agree it does get harder when they are all at school, all the bags and things to remember each day and 3 different school runs! You have to be super organised the night before in order for it to work.

School holidays are hard because it is always one of us not both of us at home, fortunately we can work from home although I can only do a degree of mine from home so I'm lucky DH doesn't have to be asked to do his share.

Another trick we use is DH taking a half day holiday (still works from home) and then I take over at 3, he brings sick DC to me and goes straight back into work until 8ish to finish up.

We both work hard and cover our hours and our employees show their thanks by being flexible if needed.

When DS was little, it was nursery plus aupair at home.

After he was about 3, it was nursery, plus me working from home 10 out of my 40 hours.

When he started going to school, DH did the morning school runs and aupair did the afternoon. Then he started at private school and I do the school run because the school is open 8 till 6, so I can manage to go to work and come back to pick him up.

Still, we both have pretty flexible hours, so if DS is sick we can work from home. If you have no family around, I think the only way to do it is having a flexible employer or an aupair living at your house all the time.

I know this isn't helpful and I am probably setting myself for a fall here but i have had to take exactly 1 (ONE!!!!!) day off work in the 5 years I have been back at work due to dc's illness. Either it's all yet to come, I've been extremely lucky, or my children are aliens. Praps a mix of the three......

lol if stereotypes and tarred with same brush irk on mn,I'd suggest toughen up.it's a jungle
there are great cm,there are great nursery comes down to personal preference what works
crucial is both parents share,negotiate and contribute.it's tough but well worth it