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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in showing no interest in DD's teacher retiring today

99 replies

fishandlilacs · 20/12/2012 12:16

My dd is in yr 1, shes is my oldest. Her teacher retires today. I haven't sent a card, or flowers or a gift or contributed to her collection. I am not going to her leaving assembly later on.

She has only taught my dd for one term and my impression of her is that shes a dismissive old trout who I don't like one bit. On parents evening she told me "she didn't have time to pander to DD's needs" because she still struggled with zips and buttons and was left outside in the cloakroom for 20 minutes crying one day because she couldn't do up her dress. This teacher started the lesson without her and I was bloody furious. She's 5 FFS.

Things have improved since then, my dd's reading in particularly is superb now so she has done her job but i really cant wait to see the back of her.

OP posts:

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 12:18

Lovely post. Happy Christmas.

givemeaclue · 20/12/2012 12:18

Bah humbug

TallulahTinsel · 20/12/2012 12:19

I don't think YABU

Reap what you sow etc....

Feminine · 20/12/2012 12:20

I think its alright you feel that way. Its your opinion.

You can't like everyone, and it sounds like she made mistakes with your DD.

chrismissymoomoomee · 20/12/2012 12:21

I'm sure spending a couple of quid on a box of chocolates wouldn't have killed you. What if your DD is the only who gave her nothing, how will she feel, kids love giving presents.

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 20/12/2012 12:21

Your post comes across very badly. It would be very easy to read into that the teacher is doing an excellent job of educating your child as her reading is 'superb' and that you're not doing your job of teaching her how to do zips particularly well.

I'm sure that's unlikely to be what you meant so how about you rephrase.

PumpkinPositive · 20/12/2012 12:23

It's one thing you disliking the woman, but does your DD? How will she feel if she winds up the only kid in the class who doesn't have a gift? Will the other kids tease her about it?

N0tinmylife · 20/12/2012 12:25

No YANBU, I think in the circumstances it would be rather hypocritical of you to give her a present.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 20/12/2012 12:25

Up to you to do what you like, I'm not sure I'd go along to a special assembly for a teachers retirement and at work if its someone I'm not especially fond of I won't contribute to the collection, but unsure why you needed to post about it.

Atthewelles · 20/12/2012 12:26

YANBU to dislike the way she has treated your daughter (which does sound pretty horrible). But I think I would just have gritted my teeth and thrown a couple of quid into her collection while secretly thinking 'thank God she's going'.

Salmotrutta · 20/12/2012 12:27

Never mind op.
Come the new year she might get a teacher who does spend a lot of time doing up zips and stuff.
And have no time left to actually teach if everyone in the class needs help ...

Why haven't YOU spent time teaching her how to get dressed?

Pancakeflipper · 20/12/2012 12:27

Did you not feel like chucking a quid in the collection to celebrate she is leaving?

GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob · 20/12/2012 12:30

Personally I'd of done something, as I enjoy the smug satisfaction of being the bigger person

It's a nicer world if we all try to spread a little love rather than a little misery.

Original poster

fishandlilacs · 20/12/2012 12:36

The reason i'm posting is because i'm feeling a bit like I should have done something. DD has made her a card in class, but that's up to her, shes isn't especially fond of this teacher and has had a terrible year 1 because this teacher has been so dismissive of her. She made a card because everybody else was.

Personally i think its disgusting that a yr 1 teacher told me that giving a little girl of 5 an extra 20 seconds of help to do up a button or a zip or a shoe buckle, instead leaving her out in a cold damp changing room. I work in education myself surely it's part of a job to "pander" to a childs individual needs? What if my DD had SN? Would she "pander" to her needs then? She has two TA's.

To my mind leaving a crying child outside to struggle is punishing a child of 5 for being unable to do up a zip.

And as for the reading, i would say that although the school has contributed to DDs reading it took 8 weeks of me asking for her to be given more appropriate books, for her to be reassessed to find that wow, she'd gone from level 4 books to level 8. I will take the credit for that over and above the teacher any day.

OP posts:

Whistlingwaves · 20/12/2012 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 12:38

You sound like one of "those" parents, to be honest. Sorry.

rockinaroundthebadtasteflump · 20/12/2012 12:43

U know what fish, I wouldn't bother feeling bad about it. Your DD won't be the only one who doesn't give her a present, especially if she's really that bad. And I can't see how your DD would get teased - any presents will be handed over willy nilly as and when; nobody's going to ticking off a list of who brought something and who didn't - nobody will even realise.

Forget it and move on

gettingeasier · 20/12/2012 12:43

YANBU for not putting in to the collection etc but your comments about reading have what to do with it exactly ?

KurriKurri · 20/12/2012 12:45

I don't know if you re BU or not. I guess it depends son your view on whether you contribute to resents to people you don't particularly like, - I agree it is a rather hypocritical thing to do.

On the other hand personally I would probably sling a couple of quid in the general direction of the collection, but avoid the 'do'.

It's not compulsory to contribute to leaving gifts though, and no reason you should feel as if you have to.

What does your DD want to do, is she keen on the teacher even though you don't especially like her?

KurriKurri · 20/12/2012 12:46

Oh sorry just seen your last post - your DD doesn't really like her, - I'd leave it then.

Salmotrutta · 20/12/2012 12:48

Fair point to you too re the additional needs but perhaps this teacher feels that non SEN children should be taught basic skills by their parents.

FWIW she WAS rude in her bluntness and probably needs some lessons in tact.

This is why I don't teach primary actually. I could not cope with managing a class of little kids needing help with buttons and stuff. Secondary is much easier.

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 12:50

I'm certain that the teacher would not have used the phrase "pander to her needs".

Goldmandra · 20/12/2012 12:51

YANBU.

You are under no obligation to contribute to, or send, a gift to someone who you feel has not been particularly committed to doing her job.

As a childminder I love to receive gifts which express thanks from parents for going above and beyond when it is called for and putting the needs and feelings of their children first. This teacher was clearly of the view that she would do what was expected and no more. She's paid to do that bit. To thank her by sending a gift would be hypocritical.

I have only ever sent gifts to teachers who I feel have given a bit more than the job requires of them.

sleepyhead · 20/12/2012 12:53

YANBU. The teacher will neither notice nor give a flying fuckeroo tbh.

HyvaPaiva · 20/12/2012 12:54

OP you say 'What if my DD had SN? Would she "pander" to her needs then?'

You should have taught your daughter how to properly dress. A child with SN specifically needs (as the term special needs would suggest) extra assistance. The teacher was right to say pander because your daughter doesn't have additional needs. Incidentally, you don't pander to a special need, you meet that need. You should focus on your daughter learning to dress properly much as her teacher focused on teaching her to read well.

It's crass to throw in the 'what if they had SN?'. You have no idea.

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