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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in showing no interest in DD's teacher retiring today

99 replies

fishandlilacs · 20/12/2012 12:16

My dd is in yr 1, shes is my oldest. Her teacher retires today. I haven't sent a card, or flowers or a gift or contributed to her collection. I am not going to her leaving assembly later on.

She has only taught my dd for one term and my impression of her is that shes a dismissive old trout who I don't like one bit. On parents evening she told me "she didn't have time to pander to DD's needs" because she still struggled with zips and buttons and was left outside in the cloakroom for 20 minutes crying one day because she couldn't do up her dress. This teacher started the lesson without her and I was bloody furious. She's 5 FFS.

Things have improved since then, my dd's reading in particularly is superb now so she has done her job but i really cant wait to see the back of her.

OP posts:

MoaneyMcmoanmoan · 20/12/2012 12:54

Yanbu

whensteaready · 20/12/2012 12:56

In my opinion you should not be sending your child into school with clothes she can't fasten herself. A teacher cannot help 32 children dress themselves. Perhaps you should spend less time pandering to her and more time teaching her to be independent.

OutragedFromLeeds · 20/12/2012 12:56

'I'm certain that the teacher would not have used the phrase "pander to her needs".'

Ariel you were there?! Are you one of the TA's? Or the OP's DH?

Atthewelles · 20/12/2012 13:03

Would people give the OP a break? Any 5 year old child might occasionally have difficulty with a zip or a buckle. What kind of adult leaves them alone crying because they can't be bothered to 'pander' to them?

Original poster

fishandlilacs · 20/12/2012 13:03

"YANBU for not putting in to the collection etc but your comments about reading have what to do with it exactly ?" I was responding to comments from laurie about who's doing their job properly. Just getting my point across.

It's amazing how the first few responses to any threads sets a tone for the next few replies.

Of course I have taught DD to dress herself. She's a darn site better at it now than she was 3 months ago. She can do fasteners now, getting dressed by herself in general, clicked for her a few weeks back previous to that she struggled. She's 5 and the very very youngest in her class, end of August baby. She was only a few days past her 4th birthday when she started school. The oldest person in the class is 2 weeks short of a full year older. The school know this and I have always been advised by them that it's taken into consideration. I didn't think it was on this occasion.

But maybe you're right-if it were just one incident then maybe I would be being AIBU to not do anything for her retirement, I have only known her 1 term-not even a full school year. Shes always been generally a bit offhand with DD. It's obvious that she has preferred children and this criticism of her is not just from me, other parents, including a few who were taught by her themselves have said this about her.

OP posts:

Original poster

fishandlilacs · 20/12/2012 13:04

"It's crass to throw in the 'what if they had SN?'. You have no idea."

You assume I have no idea. I have worked with SN children for 7 years at a special education facility. I was not intending to be crass.

OP posts:

Lovecat · 20/12/2012 13:05

YANBU. I loathe DD's teacher and am soooooooooooo happy that she's gone on maternity leave.

Smug, officious cow that has over the last year (they were stuck with her last year too) accused her of being a liar (she picked up the wrong coat, it was a 2nd hand one that the new owner hadn't put their name into, the previous owner happened to have DD's first name so I can see where the confusion came about but no, she gave her a dressing down in front of the class about it being wrong to lie ), ignored her assessment (elements of dyscalculia, dyspraxia and dyslexia - fun!) and accused her of just not trying hard enough ... there are other things but I won't put them here for fear of outing myself).

I did give her a present though, as a baby is a happy occasion and DD seems to like her. If I'd had the slightest hint that DD didn't like her, or it hadn't been that she was leaving to have a baby, I would not have contributed or signed a card as I'd have felt hypocritical. I certainly wouldn't have gone to an assembly for her had there been one and it would not have troubled my conscience for an instant (and I'm Catholic, guilt is my default setting!)

Viviennemary · 20/12/2012 13:09

YANBU. Why should you send a card to this selfish insensitive person.

Original poster

fishandlilacs · 20/12/2012 13:10

"A teacher cannot help 32 children dress themselves."

No i agree, but she doesn't have 32 children, she has 20 in a small village school, with one paid TA and one volunteer TA.

OP posts:

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 13:21

No I wasn't there. I am was a teacher for years though, I have many friends who ate teachers and come from a family of teachers. None if then would have used that phrase. When people recount an anecdote in which they are trying to make the listener or reader to back them up and feel vindicated, they often exaggerate or misrepresent what someone else has said, particularly I've noticed if there's a teacher involved.

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 13:22

Oh my life, this damn phone. I have many friends who ARE teachers not ate

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 13:24

Actually that was the most ham fisted post I've ever written.

Atthewelles · 20/12/2012 13:28

Ariel how on earth can you decide that an entire profession would never use a certain word???

Original poster

fishandlilacs · 20/12/2012 13:29

I really wish that were the case Ariel. But sadly those were her exact words. I know what you mean, it's a not a phrase you would expect a teacher to use, but she did and that's why I was furious.

If she had said something along the lines of "i'm sure you appreciate how difficult it is for me to help children get dressed when I have a class to teach" then I may have handled it differently. But she didn't, I didn't, and clearly from the way I feel utter ambivalence to her leaving means I still have lingering resentment over it.

Shes very very old school, been teaching there 30 years. Not that that's an excuse or makes her a bad teacher. I was discussing the parents evening incident with my friend on the phone the same evening it happened and i said "I think she needs to retire, shes clearly had enough" it was about a week later that her retirement was announced.

OP posts:

PiccadillyCervix · 20/12/2012 13:31

She sounds miserable so fair enough

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 13:34

If that's really the case then I apologise. She is very much in the minority. I wouldn't blame it on her being old school - more than that she's an old trout . Most teachers do actually like and sympathise with children. I hope the new teacher is nicer.

OutragedFromLeeds · 20/12/2012 13:38

'No I wasn't there'

ahhh, so you're not certain that she didn't say that then. You just think she didn't say it, based on the fact that the teachers you know wouldn't have said it.

I hope you're not a science teacher...'yes children I'm certain that peanut allergy is made-up, I've fed peanuts to my friends and family and none of them have ever had a reaction ergo peanut allergy doesn't exist'

pigletmania · 20/12/2012 13:40

YANBU at all. She sounds very of the Old school. The Same thing happened to me about 25 years ago when I was 11 (I was dyspraxia with dev delays). I still remember te unsympathetic tones of the teacher all those years ago

manicinsomniac · 20/12/2012 13:43

welll, I would probably give just for appearances sake but, in principle, YANBU

To be honest, at age 5 I fail to see the difference between SN and non SN where general practical help is concerned. Any child could need it and it isn't 'meeting' a need where one child is concerned and 'pandering' to it for another. It's just an adult helping a child who needs it. Maybe she couldn't have done it right that second but there was no need to be nasty and no need for a little girl to be left crying and upset.

The mistake I could understand but not the attitude afterwards.

However, some of the nearing retirement teachers I've met and worked with have been an awful lot worse - generational maybe.

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 14:00

Outraged, you sound awfully outraged. I have already apologised to Fish. No I'm not a science teacher. Primary, including infants. "Certain", if you do want to nitpick about semantics, was a bit strong, certainly :)

OutragedFromLeeds · 20/12/2012 14:02

Ariel you sound awfully 'bah humbug'

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 14:02

And strange you should mention peanut allergies. I have just been given an Epipen for my newly diagnosed one of those. I am certain they exist. God I am less sure of.

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 14:03

I'm afraid I am this year

Original poster

fishandlilacs · 20/12/2012 14:05

Thank you i have really enjoyed this.

Guess what i am going to the assembly, mainly because i'm bored and 11m old ds has just woken and is grumpy-a walk up to school in the pushchair, despite the freezing cold hacking rain, will do him good.

OP posts:

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 20/12/2012 14:06

Ha ha good luck. I dare you to be as insincere as you can to her.

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