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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to leave DPs crap on his side of the bed?

27 replies

ItsALongWayToPickAWilly · 19/12/2012 18:41

I'm looking for honest answers please.
I'm a sahm so I do 95% of the childcare of our son and 90-95% of the housework. DP works full time running his own company.

DP likes to leave his clothes from the day before laying on the bedroom floor, he'll also leave other bits and bobs laying around the house. When he empties his car of rubbish he'll clear half of it away and then leave the rest for the cleaning fairy.

I have always dealt with this by putting all his crap he can't be arsed to pick up down his side of the bed (it's next to the window so out of my sight there). He's now starting to get really moany about it and wants me to clear it up for him. I've refused point blank.
I'm not the tidiest of people myself, some days I can be a bit messy, other days everything is spotless except his side of the bed

Should I be putting his stuff away for him? He does work hard and I do feel bad for him, but I don't want to get in to the trap of being his person cleaner.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FuckityFuckFuck · 19/12/2012 18:45

YANBU I do the same!

If my OH can't be bothered to pick up after himself/get his dirty clothes to the lanudry basket then I sure as shit aint gonna bother!

It all gets dumped on his side of the bed and sprayed with febreeze

Adversecalendar · 19/12/2012 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlmostAChristmasHipster · 19/12/2012 18:46

After all of the threads about DHs pissing in inappropriate places, I thought this was going to be about a poo!

spidermanspiderman · 19/12/2012 18:49

Yanbu it's easier to just dump their stuff there than nag about it. I do this with my dh's stuff. I am also a sahm but I don't think that this means I do nothing all day so can be dh's dogsbody. I have two beautiful children to run round after and little time to myself.

RobotLover68 · 19/12/2012 18:52

YANBU I do the same with my DH's stuff - he doesn't complain though tbf

Original poster
ItsALongWayToPickAWilly · 19/12/2012 18:54

Thanks so far.

He's actually really pissing me off over this. Apparently I'm not working as a team Hmm

OP posts:
BahSaidPaschaHumbug · 19/12/2012 18:56

But neither is he working as a team if he's not clearing up his own mess.

NulliusInBlurba · 19/12/2012 18:57

Tell him not to be so inadequate. If he were living by himself he would have to do it, or at least live with the messy consequences. You are at home doing the general housework and looking after your (and his) children. That is your role right now. being a dogsbody is not part of the job description.

DH occasionally has very messy flashes - although we share the paid work/housework much more - and in the past I have simply opened the window and flung messy things out into the garden. Throwing shoes out is particularly satisfying. Especially if it's raining. I have once or twice threatened to chuck one of his laptops as well, but that would really be going too far - so I would probably just confiscate it instead. Sounds rather pathetic, but actually he does a huge amount of our housework, including all the washing.

ChristmasIsAcumenin · 19/12/2012 18:58

YANBU. You're a stay at home mum but you're not his mum.

CaurnieBred · 19/12/2012 18:59

No, YANBU. I used to have the same problem, but in reverse, so once I moved across to the other side of the bed when pregnant so that I was closer to the door, DH refused to let me move back to MY side of the bed as it used to get so messy. I only got to be on MY side when away. But we now have a lovely new bedroom with the door opposite the end of the bed, so I am allowed to have MY side back.

He is a lazy arse. DH works full time too and he manages to put his own stuff away. You are not his maid.

BahSaidPaschaHumbug · 19/12/2012 19:00

I am the messy one in this house and I do struggle to keep my stuff from spilling everywhere but even I know that its just as easy to put something in the right place as the wrong one and if I do manage that it makes life easier all round.

Aspiemum2 · 19/12/2012 19:00

He may work hard but so do you. Remind him that he's an adult and you are his equal and not his skivvy. You are doing the regular housework but that doesn't and shouldn't prevent him clearing up after himself. It's just rude and lazy of him not to.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 19/12/2012 19:00

What would he do if you weren't there? Being married is not an excuse for one person to do fuck all. It makes me so angry. I work and manage to pick up after myself and not just drop crap wherever I see fit, tell him HIBU.

SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 19/12/2012 19:05

Tell him how unsexy it is when a man tries to treat you like you're his mother.

CailinDana · 19/12/2012 19:07

You're not his maid. I can't believe he moaned at you and wants you to clean it up! He'd get a swift kick to the bollocks if he was my DH.

DrSeuss · 19/12/2012 19:08

I stick DH's rubbish on his computer desk. I also put empty food packets he leaves around there and he seems to be slowly getting the hint. Am considering ditching his left about dirty clothes there too and blutaking his toenail bits to his screen. It is quite noticable that when I am in charge, the kids take their plates to the sink and are made to tidy up after themselves. If he hears me make them do that, he says it doesn't matter but I am NOT turning them into slobs like him who think there are cleaning fairies.

OP, do you have a shed or outhouse? If so, bag up the stuff, stick it in there and tell him you dealt with it by putting it in black bags. Hopefully there's something important in there like a credit card. Give him a few days to panic then tell him to look in the shed! Warn him that next time it's the wheelie bin!

MrsKeithRichards · 19/12/2012 19:09

I ignore his shit at his side of the bed, will wash what's in the basket, put clean folded stuff on his side to be put away and any wet towels he leaves on the floor get picked up and left on his side of the bed.

He's a messy fuck, so am I but I will not be treated like a maid. I will not.

CailinDana · 19/12/2012 19:11

I also ignore DH's side of the bed. It's a filthy mess. But I expect him to clean up after himself everywhere else in the house and though he does forget a lot he doesn't mind me reminding him. We have a very strict "nothing left in the sitting room overnight" policy (as in, all cups, rubbish etc must be put in the kitchen) and he is very good with that after some years of training :)

madbengal · 19/12/2012 19:11

OH used to never empty his pockets so I stopped checking, his side of bed is a dump and I leave it he is old enough to know better and I pointed out that does he want his kids thinking it was okay to leave crap at their asses

priscilla101 · 19/12/2012 19:14

Ha! I went one step further...I actually put all of DHs shit on his side of the bed and pulled the duvet over it. He had no idea, thought I had tidied everything up, and then he went to get into bed. He pulled the covers back and Ta daa! Every last scrap of the crap he left lying around in the bed. He is obsessive about crumbs in the bed (in considerately I let ds eat a bedtime biscuit in our bed....on DHs side, of course), so I even scraped up the nails and screws in soil that he left on the side and out that in the bed.

Brilliant. His new found tidiness lasted a good year or so, so I totally recommend this!

On a more serious note, so what, you may be a SAHM, but you aren't a personal slave.....

OverWintered · 19/12/2012 19:15

heh heh, a few years ago I re-arranged the bedroom purely so that his side of the bed was not near the bedroom door as that way I no longer had to step over his pile of crap that is always on his side of the bed Grin YANBU

Original poster
ItsALongWayToPickAWilly · 19/12/2012 19:16

I give up, he's not going to listen. He thinks because he gets up at 5.30 and doesn't get back till 6 that he's the hardest working person in the world and I should do 100% of the housework.
I do try to make life as easy as possible as I know he does work very hard, I clean half his crap from downstairs, prep tea earlier in the day so if its his turn to cook he only has to do half of it, I don't make him do anything with DS, I wash up after him, make sure his white shirts are cleaned and ironed in the exact way he likes it.

Jesus, I'm such a mug!
Sorry for the rant, I'm just really annoyed at being told I need to do more!

OP posts:
MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 19/12/2012 19:18

I once told DH that if he left his sweaty underwear inside his workout gear one more time, he would find them lovingly wrapped around his pillow. I do the laundry but will not pick his stuff apart.

Your DH is lazy and entitled hooray, love that word. Seriously, ask what he would do if you weren't there? Hire a cleaner, do it himself?

wineandroses · 19/12/2012 19:30

Don't give up Op because then you really become his maid. He is being a selfish twat and you already do too much. And wtf is "don't make him do anything with DS" all about? Is it not his child? Why doesn't he want to spend time with his child? Does he have any redeeming features? Go on strike and refuse to do anything for him until he agrees to sit down and talk about a fair split of jobs - not including cleaning up after his lazy arse!

autumnmum · 19/12/2012 19:33

I did exactly the same as priscilla after being fed up of puddles of clothes being left on the floor. He has never done it again.