to think this was a bit over the top

[cuteboots]

Ok so saturday tried to go xmas shopping with my 9 year old son. Whilst standing in the queue in boots there was a lady behind us with quite a bad facial disfigurement. My son looked at her and then looked away however she obviously didnt like this and said in a really loud voice " here we go again im getting gawped at" She then said to my son stop staring at me! Was I wrong to pull her up for this and say that he wasnt being rude and was just a normal little boy and he didnt mean to annoy her?! My son left the shop really upset bu this and kept saying " I didnt mean to be horrid mum"

Reminds me of when I was about 13 and I was admiring someone's house as I walked past with a friend, and a woman came out shouting at me "DON'T YOU LOOK AT MY HOUSE, GO AND LOOK AT YOUR OWN HOUSE!"

Blimey this thread is now going round in a massive circle. I also believe its common courtesy for her not to rant and kick off at people who happen to look in her direction but there you go maybe thats just me ; o (

I agree, cuteboots.

I'm sure your son didn't mean any harm but put yourself in her shoes, she probably does get stared at all the time and it must be bloody hard for her

Yeah that ^

"Im still not sure why I would appologise for her rudeness?"

Here's the thing, no one is telling you to apologise for her rudeness. They are saying you should have apologised for your sons (unintentional) rudeness. They are also telling you that you shouldn't have been rude back.

Yes, she was wrong to yell at your son. Your son was also wrong (unintentionally) for staring. And you were wrong for "pulling her up on it".

You couldn't change what she did.
You couldn't change what your son did.
You could change how you reacted.

You reacted badly. The whole situation could have been defused by you just saying sorry, sorry for unintentionally upsetting her. Maybe if you had then in turn she'd have apologised for snapping. And your son would have learnt a valuable lesson in how to deal with awkward situations.

Instead she ended up upset, your son ended up upset and you ended up upset.

You were all unreasonable.

Hell, cut the woman a bit of slack. Yes she was rude but consider her position. People almost definitely stare, a lot. And it must be shite that you can never fade into the background. Your son stared at her, she got upset about it because it happens a lot. All it needed was a simple apology and a word with your son.

I just thought of something, ds(2) has a teacher who is a dwarf at his nursery. dd2(4) saw her and said "that ones a little one" and the teacher heard and smiled and laughed and said "yes, I am a little one" but if it was someone else would they have been offended, dd2 doesnt know what a dwarf is and has never seen one before so commented on it, i didnt make a big deal out of it as i didnt want her to think it wasnt normal to be different, but should I have told her something about commenting on differences?

At 9 years of age I'd have thought he'd know not to stare.

nailak: I wouldn't call her a dwarf, unless that's what she refers to herself as.

i dont know what she refers to herself as, i just talk to her like normal and not about her height,

I have to laugh at "he wasn't doing anything wrong, I mentioned this previously",
Yes, you did, dear, even in the face of over 100 posts telling you it was wrong.
Mentioning something does not establish it as fact.

It is going round in a circle, you are right...

AIBU?
Yes.
But actually it was like this, AIBU?
Yes.
But really, it was like this, AIBU?
Yes.
But I don't think I was.
You were.
Well, whatever, but even so I wasn't being unreasonable.
Yes, you were.

nailak: I wouldn't call her a dwarf, unless that's what she refers to herself as

What is she then? As well as a human being and female? Whats the PC terminology these days?

I don't have the condition, but the people I have encountered at work who do have it, or rather them (there's a few different things that lead to reduced height), tend to call themselves 'little people'.

I think 'little people' sounds more derogatory.

I don't think there's any real openly accepted term so nailak can't be blamed for saying 'dwarf'.

What if said, little person, dwarf is very outdated now.

how are we supposed to know these things btw? i didnt know dwarf was offensive, and tbh i never saw the need to talk to her about it.

tbh i never saw the need to talk to her about it

I doubt you could be seen as offensive as you clearly see her as a person.

I mean you clearly see her as a person and aren't focusing on the fact she is shorter than you. Sorry, not had enough coffee yet!

I think 'person of small stature' is acceptable too according to the American reality show I used to watch but not sure if that is in the UK as well.

The trouble with 'dwarf' is that its actually part of medical terminology (dwarfism) referring to a small handful of medical conditions 'achondroplasia', primordial dwarfism etc. And some (not all) of people with these conditions will call themselves dwarves.

However, not everyone with smaller stature will have these particular medical conditions, as there are other sorts that exist. So as well as some people finding it offensive, it is also inaccurate if applied to everyone with smaller stature.

Yes, what if said far better than I could.

'person of small stature'

who decided on that though? Like nailak said, how is one supposed to know what is deemed as offensive these days. It seems like everything changes from one minute to the next.
I'm sure there's some people with dwarfism that would LOL at such terms as 'little person' and 'person of small stature'.

I find it interesting though that had the condition been named in todays times it wouldnt have been named 'dwarfism' at all.

Midget on the other hand is widely offensive

Its pretty much a case of listening to the individuals involved with regard to how they would like their condition referred to (if it is to be referred to).