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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To be fed up with jealous people who seem to hate anyone who has more money than them?

621 replies

SexyClaus · 16/12/2012 21:36

I seem to epitomise what some people hate - I live in a gated estate, drive a 4x4, am a SAHM and send my children to private school. Why does this mean that some people think this gives them a right to be rude to me or about the choices my family make? I would never look down on anyone who doesn't have or do what I do, so why is it ok to do it the other way round? I am so fed up with it! And you know the ones I really can't stand? Champagne socialists who think they are all left-wing with socialist ideals but are really just like me!

OP posts:
Arthurfowlersallotment · 17/12/2012 10:29

Well, isn't this classic AIBU stuff...

Actually, people do have the right to be rude, and judge you however they wish. That is the society we inhabit. Just as the OP is free to do the same. You can bitch on here for 1000 posts but what exactly will it achieve?

Bragging about what you have is an undesirable trait, as is jealousy. Big whoop. Get on with your family life and forget about it.

everlong · 17/12/2012 10:30

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GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 17/12/2012 10:30

I totally disagree adeuca, the op was not interested in discussion, her third post says:

"You see I'm not gloating - you are just jealous you don't have it. I haven't taken your money away so why does it bother you that I have and you don't?"

There is nothing here that hints towards and open ended discussion. "You are just jealous you don't have it" Accusations, based on her judgement of us as non-wealthy. There is no other explanation in her mind than jealousy. And most of us realized there will be no point to even try having a reasonable debate when 2 out of 3 posts bangs on about people being jealous.

everlong · 17/12/2012 10:31

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FairyJengleBells · 17/12/2012 10:31

audrina I think it's dawned on her strung together dawndonna

AudrinaWhiteChristmasAdare · 17/12/2012 10:32

Ahhhh.... thank you. God I am thick Grin

Dawndonna · 17/12/2012 10:32

Yes, it's obvioulsy dawned on some of you!
Xmas Grin

everlong · 17/12/2012 10:34

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adeucalione · 17/12/2012 10:35

Yes, cheeky fuckers indeed everlong

Gold -I guess I assumed that she must have experienced rudeness that was clearly directed at her because of her lifestyle choices, a bit like the 'rich bitch' comment I was on the receiving end of this morning.

OP only has to read MN for a day or two to know that some of her choices are frowned on.

If you live in a gated community I daresay that comments about how naff they are upset you, rather like it upsets people when they hear generalisations about council estates.

larrygrylls · 17/12/2012 10:36

If someone resents you merely for what you have, that is jealousy. What else can it be?

theodorakisses · 17/12/2012 10:37

I have found the stealth "We are so poor and have a crap car" boasting quite amusing, who actually gives a shit how rich or poor you are. This is the internet, you can be whatever you like! I quite like being rich but i count rich as having time to spend with my family and being able to afford to make choices I couldn't before. Like previously being stuck in a job for three years where the deputy head used to bully me and the children in my care, having him punch and kick me and send me junk mail and make suggestions about my mental health to my colleagues. Having a shithole to live in and not being able to give up work because my pathetic salary just covered the mortgage and debts. Now we have a home that is habitable, jobs that finish at 2pm and enough money to be in control. I couldn't give a fuck about my cars, shoes etc, I just want to feel safe

larrygrylls · 17/12/2012 10:37

I live on a gated estate in a townhouse and actually agree that it is a bit naff :). However, the convenience of relatively new houses plus the quietness and safety for our children mean I don't mind being a bit naff.

theodorakisses · 17/12/2012 10:38

I trump your gated community, I have armed guards on mine!

takataka · 17/12/2012 10:38

If you live in a gated community I daresay that comments about how naff they are upset you, rather like it upsets people when they hear generalisations about council estates

Its not the same. A person chooses to live in a gated community, some people have no choice about living on a council estate

adeucalione · 17/12/2012 10:41

Yes, the criticism is directed at their lifestyle choices, which is hurtful.

everlong · 17/12/2012 10:42

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takataka · 17/12/2012 10:45

society is such that, not everyone can be rich...it wouldnt function.

A lot of rich people have made their money off the backs of 'poor peoples' labour. Or have been born into privelege

Poor people have been historically oppressed, where rich people have always held the power

These are some reasons why I think mocking the rich and mocking the poor are not the same

and see larrys post....
There is something very Northern European about material jealousy. In the States and a lot of the World, seeing someone with nice things is an inspiration to others..."see what I or my children can aspire to". In the UK it is an excuse to whinge about how unfair life is and maybe cast aspersions about how someone better off got to where they did

Snobbery is so insidious and covert....that is often what people are bitching about...you dont have to say 'you poor bitch'...opinions are often oozing out for all to see...

larrygrylls · 17/12/2012 10:45

Everlong,

I tend to agree but why are people so sensitive to being called "naff". I thought we lived in a "classless" society. Seems not. I think that driving a 4x4 in town, especially the huge ones, is a selfish choice. If you make choices that negatively impact other people, they have a right to comment.

Where one lives and where one sends one's children to school, though, are really private decisions and only affect other people on the margins, if at all.

larrygrylls · 17/12/2012 10:46

Takataka,

I am looking at my post and trying to see the insidious snobbery and failing. Maybe you can grant me the brilliance of your semiotic/textual analysis please?

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 17/12/2012 10:48

But how can strangers know that she lives in a gated residence, send her children to private school, and drives a 4x4, all of it? She then goes on to lash out at "champagne socialists".

The OP is not here to explain, and she did not see any point explaining any thing at all last night, she was dead set on "jealousy" as the only reason, which is why people responded like they did.

A carefully thought out OP might have actually sparked an interesting debate. Instead she came across as tactless and boastful.

If she had indeed spent any time on mumsnet prior to her thread, she would have seen that some people struggle to find money to buy food and presents for Christmas, and thought twice about her op.

I dare say it is worse to have to put up with not enough money for heat, food and Christmas presents for your kids, than some snide remarks.

I would gladly put up with the odd "rich bitch" and "the posh one with the pearls" in exchange for not wondering if I can afford to heat my house, and how much I can spend on food this week. But I am not jealous. I just get annoyed when people boast and gloat, without any empathy and compassion for people most. Arrogant and self centered, like Cameron and his henchmen.

I find it pretty offensive when boastful and tactless people brandish about them with "oh you are just jealous" if people raise an eyebrow at their attitudes.

takataka · 17/12/2012 10:50

Jesus....then people need to grow a thicker skin. If you choose to live somewhere, then surely your convictions run a little deeper...who cares what other people think of your choices?? If people are judging you based on something over which you had no control/choice, then that is unfair...because it isnt a reflection of any part of you....

And THIS attitude, does infact make me mock the wealthy....fcuk, you want to have your privelege and your choices and you want everyone to approve of everything you do...get over yourself. Some people disagree with you. Stop whining and be something. Or are you defined by your wealth/status only?

('you' as in 'one')

Itsjustmeanon · 17/12/2012 10:51

I've not read this thread, but surely it's a windup.

Sexyclaus - I don't begrudge anyone with more money than me, as long as they are polite and kind.

I have people make assumptions that DH and I are rich, as we live in a beautiful country cottage. We are in a good position, in terms of capital assets, but not ready cash. My DH had an inheritance, which we put towards country cottage, and topped up with a 70k mortgage. We don't have well paid jobs, or fancy cars or holidays. We're happy though. You pays your money you takes your choice, I'd personally hate to live in a gated community.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 17/12/2012 10:51

*"A lot of rich people have made their money off the backs of 'poor peoples' labour. Or have been born into privelege

Poor people have been historically oppressed, where rich people have always held the power

These are some reasons why I think mocking the rich and mocking the poor are not the same"*

Well said takataka. Not only do they have their wealth, they get to offend us by calling us jealous on top of parading their wealth in front of us!

Larrygrills, how could you think you live in a class less society, this is Britain right?

everlong · 17/12/2012 10:51

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adeucalione · 17/12/2012 10:52

takataka - I think you are probably right about the historical reasons why it is OK to mock the rich; they are privileged and can suck it up.

But that doesn't really explain the vitriol directed at the OP.

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