To not want to circumcise my son?

[SkiBunnnnny]

I have a 10 day old baby son. Being from the UK it would never normally cross my mind to have him circumcised. However, I am living in Canada where the practice is more common (but not as common as in the US) but on the decline.

DH wants to have him circumcised as he is half Jewish (so DS is 1/4 Jewish) but I feel like I don't want to put DS through an unnecessary medical procedure for purely cosmetic reasons. DH also thinks it is cleaner but I think this is irrelevant in the 21st century when we have indoor plumbing and can easily wash ourselves every day. I also feel that it is not our body to make a decision like that about, if he wants to get himself circumcised in the future he can but he can not get himself "de-circumcised" if he is unhappy about it in the future (DH doesn't believe that any circumcised men wish that they weren't).

My question is: AIBU to force my opinion or is DH opinion more valid since he is male?

SOS = sons

@SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot

Why the hell was that deleted, MNHQ?!

We deleted the post as it contained a sweeping generalisation, that was derogatory towards Judaism.

KateMN - I thought SGB's post was a sweeping damnation of religion, not Judaism. I'm Jewish and I wasn't remotely offended by it. I'm well aware of her view on religion and agree for the most part!

Sorry hazlenutt, are you saying female circumcision is not a big deal and you would do it if you lived in Sudan? Or have I misunderstood your post?

mother of a son in america whi is intact thanks

twofalls no I wasn't saying that. I was replying to a post stating that many of us would circumcise boys, if we were brought up in a different country.

I was trying to say that if you were brought up in a country where female circumcision is required to fit in, and done to most of the girls, yes you would be more likely to do it as well. Doesn't mean it's therefore ok and we should not object.

If it is medically unnecessary I think it is genital mutilation.

The only reason not to ban it is that religious nutjobs adherents would take their sons to back street butchers with potentially fatal consequences.

I see the frothing is going well !!

It is my understanding that a lot of non-medical circumcision of boys (and FGM - NOT that the two are at all comparable) are done due to cultural covenants, rather that strictly religious.
And I agree that a lot of us would feel under pressure to consent to a procedure that was 'normal' within whatever culture/environment we grew up with.

As I have stated quite clearly, I am entirely against infant circumcision unless medically necessary, have not had my boys 'done' and have in fact refused when asked to perform - I am GP and this is not really within my remit... But clearly the very vast majority of parents who have their son circumcised are not sadistic abusers, and suggesting that really does not help the discussion.

I also actually agree re the 'imaginary friend in the sky' , however that does not take into account how real said imaginary friend can be - to a 3 year old with a friend Harvey or any god-fearing believer of any religion. I am not averse to a bit of taking the piss of obnoxious god-botheres, but it is foolish to think that me not taking it seriously would make religious beliefs less powerful. And dangerous .

that was at begonia, every parent has a responsibility to question cultural norms

Of course we should question and challenge things. There is lots to debate on it, but the kind of frothing going on here and calling parents child abusers who mutilate their children is not helpful. My sons are not circumcised. It's not the norm in my country, culture or religion so I don't feel smug or superior about it. I might have done it if it was the norm, advised by many doctors or my religion. I really don't know, I like to think I question things but can't say for sure what I would have done.

Begonia - I can't see how unnecessarily chopping off part of a child's sexual organ is anything other than mutilation.

it isnt recommended by doctores here although the american pediatric association has very recently said there MAY be some benefit but that was mostly because medicare and insurance wont usually cover it as it is considered unnecessary and basically cosmetic. everone i know who had it done says they did it so thwe kid wouldn't beteased in the locker room. which makes me furious

I find it so difficult to accept when religion causes such a massive act to be perpetrated on a helpless child.
Not taking a pop at any religion but at the willingness of the human race to accept religion as playing such a massive role in their lives.

I agree with Zombie

If circumcision had never been done before, and some group of people invented it and insisted their babies had to have it done, does anyone really think that would would be allowed in this country, by government, the GMC, or the public in general? Seriously? Whatever reasons people might have once had for carrying out this procedure, they have no place in modern society, any more than female circumcision or foot binding. However mild the discomfort or pain may be (and conveniently enough it's very hard to tell on behalf of a tiny baby), the fact is that it is done TO the child (for "cultural" not medical reasons) and is done before he has any possibility of consent, which makes it, in my opinion, totally wrong. The human race has done all sorts of ghastly things routinely in the past but as we move on, we learn to stop doing them. Ironically enough it has been illegal to dock the tails of dogs since 2007, yet here we are on Mumsnet actually debating chopping bits off boys, as if there was some rational argument in favour of it.

Just imagine if it had never been done before- would you be itching to do it to your baby then?

Sorry op haven't read whole post - but are you Jewish? If not, then as I understand it your son cannot be considered Jewish (unless he converts) as I understand it. (excuse my if that's just my ignorance). If he's not Jewish (and some would argue even if he is) it's a lot to put a child through for a cosmetic procedure??

that's exactly what I thought toomuch - OP said 1/4 of the baby is Jewish - and means DH is the 1/2 Jewish one, not Mum.

If you aren't Jewish, OP, then your son is not Jewish.

so, if you need one, that 's your argument.

Or, you could just say exactly what you've told us, that you don't believe it's beneficial for your DS to be circumcized and that if he chooses to when he's an adult, then it will be his choice.

Far better for the child to remain as God made him and him to choose the path to follow when he grows up than to take away his choice.

You don't want your son to be circumcized. it is your right as a parent - it's always better to err on the side of caution in this instance - if it's to do with unnecessary medical procedures, then it's better not to than to and regret it.
I can't believe that you would be married to someone unreasonable, so you must make him see that it's in your son's best interests to leave him alone.

"DH doesn't believe that any circumcised men wish that they weren't"

and I don't believe that he believes that.

By not getting your son done, it's saying to your DH that you believe what happened to him is wrong.
and he doesn't want to admit that, because if he does, then that opens a whole can of worms.
you could appease that by telling him that he was done in line with his culture at the time. times ave changed and it's not acceptable to do it anymore without medical reason.

I tried to make it clear in that deleted post that I was not specifically attacking a single religion, culture or race. Just those barbarians (who I am fully aware are members of more than one religion/culture/race) who think it's acceptable to mutilate their children's genitals.

If you search for "wreckingboy" on livejournal you will find a very moving account from a man who resents the fact he was circumcised as an infant. Following the post are hundreds of comments, many of them from other men expressing that they, too, feel the same. Last time I looked, though, the post had quite graphic images on which might be upsetting.

Well I understood it quite clearly SGF.

MNKate, that post was against all religions, it certainly wasn't just anti Judaism.
I think you should read it again.

Wow I just read the entry on wreckingboy's blog on live journal. I am aghast that anyone ever does this. JUST. WOW.

Thank you nickelbaby for the actual useful advice!

That is exactly what I am worried about. How do I bring up the drawbacks of circumcision without appearing to imply that DH himself is lacking something?

And, where we are, it is still a pretty acceptable thing to do.

You take the risk. Surely its worth it to protect your son? Show him the facts.