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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I can't stand spending time with my children, aibu?

33 replies

Fabuloo · 13/12/2012 18:40

I think I likely am be horribly UR...

I have 3 DC, 2, 4 and 7... And a demanding puppy... DH is at home a fair bit, I work from home and I have been quite busy the last few months.

I cannot stand being around my children, I get bored, irritated, downright angry, then feel guilty as hell. As soon as they are in bed I vow to be a better mum tomorrow but all three of them at once just drive me mad, I can't cope with it

OP posts:

LadySybilPussPolham · 13/12/2012 18:44

Are you getting enough sleep? Are you well?
When I'm really tired or under the weather I feel just like you

sanityseeker75 · 13/12/2012 18:47

YANBU, me and my friends often joke how we love and miss kids terribly when they are not with us and how we remember why we wanted them out 10 mins after they get back. You just sound knackered and down and have hands full plus mommy guilt for not being mary poppins.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 13/12/2012 18:50

What is it that is annoying you? Behaviour, all the work, the constant cleaning up, bickering?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 13/12/2012 18:50

No YANBU. You are obviously tired and worn out. Children are very demanding and when there is more than one you are constantly having to play mediator and sort out all kinds of squabbles.

I know they are never the nicest places to be, but do you live near an indoor play centre? You could take them there because it will appeal to all three ages, and you can have a coffee and red a book mumsnet whilst they play and hopefully tire themselves out.

Mutt · 13/12/2012 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntLucyInTheNorthPole · 13/12/2012 18:54

YANBU. I work all day, come home at 6, and by 6.30 I am wondering how soon they can go to bed. If I do a whole weekend in the house with them then I'm ready to kill them (or myself). And yet I love them absolutely, and when I'm spending time one on one with them (with no other calls on my attention) they're fabulous.

HilaryClinton · 13/12/2012 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BsshBossh · 13/12/2012 18:59

Where are the younger kids when you're working from home?

MerylStrop · 13/12/2012 19:01

I totally empathise.
Aren't you just a bit knackered?
Give yourself a break
Can you work out of home a bit? See some other people and surroundings?
When can you stop for Xmas, and can you make Xmas a chilled affair?

SwedishEdith · 13/12/2012 19:05

I don't think you can work from home and have kids around. YOu can't have your mind in 2 places at once. I don't know what you do but is it possible to rent some office space and 'go to work' so there is a clear separation? Or else, pay for childcare whilst you work?

Original poster

Fabuloo · 13/12/2012 19:12

I think I'm just a bit knackered, I try to work around my 2 year old, it's fine, I grab half an hour here, half an hour there then work all evening. Our puppy is 8 months old, he was going to be sent to the dogs home and likely put down if we didn't take him, he is very hard work though.

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Original poster

Fabuloo · 13/12/2012 19:14

I sometimes wonder whether I am really cut out to be a mother, I actually prefer working

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Original poster

Fabuloo · 13/12/2012 19:17

SwedishEdith - You're absolutely right

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Original poster

Fabuloo · 13/12/2012 19:20

SwedishEdith - it's fairly recent, I always liked having some time to myself but I have had a lot of work on recently and just want to be alone when I'm not working. I have never spent more than a night away from them, we never go out, DH prefers to stay in, apart from a meal on birthdays and valentines....

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Whistlingwaves · 13/12/2012 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 13/12/2012 19:26

Where are you Fab? If your in derbyshire i would be more than happy to puppy sit from time to time. I love dogs and live next to a big park. Park is also suitable for walking children

ivanapoo · 13/12/2012 19:37

YABU to try to work and look after a 2 year old, and it sounds like you don't really have anything / time for yourself. No wonder you're fed up.

Do you have an out-of-the-home hobby or regular social thing you do without the kids?

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 13/12/2012 19:39

It sounds like you work constantly and then also multi task by working while looking after the kids too!

Can you have 2 year old in nursery for a couple of mornings? Can you have some time to yourself to exercise or see friends or just relax. You need to think about fulfilling your own basic needs and then you will feel happier generally.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 13/12/2012 19:43

It's ok to prefer to work.

It doesn't sound like you get to do anything solidly, a block of work or a block of DC time. Finances allowing, Put the 2 year old in nursery if you can, or swap babysitting favours, so you can work and then stop during the day, and get a break in the evenings once they are in bed .

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 13/12/2012 19:45

If DH doesn't want to go out, go out with a friend!

Softlysoftly · 13/12/2012 19:50

I feel like this when I'm trying to get tasks done + look after toddler and baby. Eg working, and cleaning and babies and house management = pissed off angry me!

If I am working in fine, if I am able to play with no work or go out with them then we have a lovely time.

You need to split your time, have the DCs in childcare to work, cleaning in the am/pm while they have tv time then dedicated playing time then at least 3 hrs non working time for yourself in the evenings (which I will get back one day when DD2 sleeps!)

Original poster

Fabuloo · 13/12/2012 19:58

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE - Ah thank you that is so kind! Unfortunately we are in the South West...

Yes it's just too much at once I guess, trying to split myself too many ways and having work contstantly in the back of mind, trying to grav=b some time here and there, recipe for disaster!

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InNeedOfBrandyButter · 13/12/2012 20:02

Can you afford 2 full days of youngest going to a child minders or nursery? I used to feel like you did when both of mine were little, now they're both at school it's lovely and I realised I actually liked them.

Softplay is great if you have wifi there, decent coffee and a book to read and like mine where you can sit in a whole other room

Hopefully · 13/12/2012 20:07

I used to feel exactly like this when I was tryin to work with no childcare. I was managing to quite competently do my work, but never being able to mentally commit to work/childcare/housework individually at any time drove me more or less bonkers. We now have childcare for both DSs for 3 days a week. I have to work bloody hard on those days to make it profitable, but our family life is better x 1,000,000 for it.

I always thought I would want to be a SAHM, and it was a massive deal for me to admit that actually I need to work and I need to be separate from my kids for a reasonable chunk of time on a regular basis in order to go back to adoring them when I do actually have to look after them!

Original poster

Fabuloo · 14/12/2012 10:44

I feel much better this morning after a good night's sleep. It is so reassuring to know I'm not the only one who feels like this, evenings seem to be the worst time for my moods so I will try to work on this!

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