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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10 week old being taken to Scotland for 3days

116 replies

DillyDallyDayDream · 11/12/2012 22:10

Posting for a friend

Her MIL (they have a shit relationship) is demanding she takes my friends 10 week old away to Scotland for 3days. She's saying no as the distance is quite big (would travel from South east England).

Who's being unreasonable my friend or her mil?

OP posts:
Rudolphstolemycarrots · 12/12/2012 21:43

MIL is selfish and bonkers! Who on earth would separate a baby from it's mother? Being a social worker is meaningless by the way. The social worker is not the babies mother!

At the end of the day they can't just take the baby against mothers will. She could easily get the police involved and call it kidnap.

Can you let your friend see this thread? She must stay strong.

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 12/12/2012 21:44

The MIL is only thinking of her needs - her need to show then baby off etc. The MIL is not thinking of the baby's needs at all. The baby is most happy with it's mum.

malinois · 12/12/2012 21:50

@LemonBreeland: erm, no. Scotland isn't independent yet. She would need no more identification or letter from parents than she needs to get on a bus or train.

BadPoet · 12/12/2012 21:54

@malinois, not true, id is needed for domestic flights, for most children the simplest is a passport.

Really shocked a SW would even think this was in any way reasonable.

chrismissymoomoomee · 12/12/2012 21:57

If the exDP is happy with it though he will provide a letter and the birth certificate it doesn't have to come from the mother does it. OP is your friends ex having the baby around that time at all?

flow4 · 12/12/2012 22:01

So this is an exDP and his mother? Not even a dad the baby lives with?! Shock

This is so ridiculous it might almost be funny... Almost...

timeforachangebaby · 12/12/2012 22:04

so the dad is going as well, and this is for the baby to meet its half siblings.

I was prepared with my "fuck the fuck off" statement, how much time does this "dad" spend with the baby.

notactuallyme · 12/12/2012 22:15

Hang on - I see a scenario here. The 'friend' and dp are separated? Does the ex dp have the dc on his own for any length of time. Eg instead of 3 days at dads, mil is thinking 3 days in scotland? Slightly less weird.

midori1999 · 12/12/2012 22:15

The MIL is so unreasonable that all of AIBU thinks she is. That's about as unreasonable as you can get an then some, surely?

So your friend has now split from her partner over this? Blimey! Although I can't say I blame her. Her MIL is ridiculous. Her ex partner is ridiculous. Please support your friend to stand up to these idiots.

flow4 · 12/12/2012 22:19

Notactually, a 10 week old baby isn't likely to have over-night contact with dad, surely?

timeforachangebaby · 12/12/2012 22:20

I know someone who has shared overnight contact with their baby, 4 nights her, 3 nights him, since birth, personally I think its too much too soon, but it works for them.

Not saying this person should but it does happen.

flow4 · 12/12/2012 22:22

Gosh. I could never have done that. But then DS1 never had a single night away from me until he was 4.9, and I was in hospital having his bro!

notactuallyme · 12/12/2012 22:22

I don't know! Friends left their six week old overnight with pils. Mine were in sight for the first oooooh six years of their lives, so I don't know what less paranoid parents do Grin

jaggythistle · 12/12/2012 22:37

my B and SIL left their DD overnight at 6 weeks too, after being out for the evening without her at 3 weeks. they also left her behind with gps to attend a family funeral at the other end of the UK at about 3-4 months and raved to us about their great nights sleep.

we were somewhat Hmm as we chose to take our pfb with us. (don't worry he slept through the service and no one noticed him :) )

he also went out to restaurants etc with us too, i was happy to have him there. it's when they get mobile that a relaxing night out with dc asleep in pram gets harder ime!

CatchingMockingbirds · 12/12/2012 23:06

You still need a passport to get a plane to Scotland. I've needed a passport for both me and my son when travelling from Scotland to other parts of the UK and back again.

Chubfuddler · 12/12/2012 23:11

Still a no from me. A non resident dad wouldn't have overnight contact with a ten week old. Three days hundreds of miles away is so off the scale unreasonable its laughable. No no no.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 12/12/2012 23:14

Photo ID for travel to Scotland.
Anyway...NO. End of! MIL needs to do one!

Original poster
DillyDallyDayDream · 13/12/2012 21:20

The baby's dad doesn't have any regular contact with bAby, he would rather see his mates - that's another thread! Never had baby over night

Friend has read this thread, resulted in her telling mil to piss off, etc etc

OP posts:
CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 13/12/2012 21:30

Good for your friend! Now stay strong. x

YouOldTinsellySlag · 13/12/2012 21:36

No need for the Dad to have any overnight contact at 10 weeks- even a judge would be understanding of that.

What is it with these strange MILs who want to treat GCs as their own baby and upset their DILs? There seem to be a lot of threads about this lately.

What worries me the most is that the DPs/DHs aren't putting their foot down and saying "it's a NO and you're upsetting my wife/partner by asking"

Obviously in the case of OP's friend, they split up over it and I am pretty sure my reaction would have been the same had DH sided with his mother over anything similar.

YouOldTinsellySlag · 13/12/2012 21:38

Maybe your friend should have a legal document drawn up OP, just to ensure that the baby has no overnight stays with MIL or is taken on a plane etc.

If the exDP can't be bothered much, she might be in a stronger position to assert her rights as the Resident Parent.

ChasedByBees · 13/12/2012 21:38

No no no no no. DD is 10mo and I haven't had a night away from her. There's no way I'm ready to let anyone babysit overnight.

izzyizin · 13/12/2012 21:55

she's a social worker so it will all be ok

Ye gods. Another professional who is not fit to practice needs vocational guidance.

Original poster
DillyDallyDayDream · 13/12/2012 22:02

My friend is trying to see a solicitor to get something drawn up stating that the baby can not be taken out of the county we live in by them & no overnights with them

OP posts:
YouOldTinsellySlag · 13/12/2012 22:15

That's good OP, a sensible action by your friend.

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