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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

10 week old being taken to Scotland for 3days

116 replies

DillyDallyDayDream · 11/12/2012 22:10

Posting for a friend

Her MIL (they have a shit relationship) is demanding she takes my friends 10 week old away to Scotland for 3days. She's saying no as the distance is quite big (would travel from South east England).

Who's being unreasonable my friend or her mil?

OP posts:

izzyizin · 13/12/2012 22:15

Sounds as if your friend may need to apply for a residence order.

In the meantime she can tell the exMIL to do one as grandparents have no legal right to contact/overnight stays etc, and tell her ex to man up and start putting the needs of his dd before those of his dm.

peaceandlovebunny · 13/12/2012 22:30

no.
that's the word. use it.

2rebecca · 13/12/2012 22:42

One good thing about breast feeding is that it avoids crap like this with young babies.
If she is no longer with her ex then she could have very little to do with his mother, if they were never married then she doesn't really have a relationship with this woman. Her child will have a relationship with her as she gets older but the more this woman demands the less she is likely to see of the baby. She needs to get her son asking for access and sort out seeing her through him not getting aggressive with the child's mother.
I think if she is thinking the child will never have overnights with her father she is being unrealistic. You have a child with a man you share parenting.

fuckwittery · 13/12/2012 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckwittery · 13/12/2012 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouOldTinsellySlag · 14/12/2012 08:12

I think if she is thinking the child will never have overnights with her father she is being unrealistic. You have a child with a man you share parenting. I agree as a father he has equal rights, although she has said he is more interested in going out with his friends than seeing the baby.

However, she could certainly say no to overnights during the first year and I am sure that will b accepted by a court.

Mytimewillcome · 14/12/2012 08:50

Is it something to do with the time of the year or something? This is the 3rd thread I've seen about a bonkers MIL demanding to take away a small baby from their mother. It is absolutely outrageous. If her DH can't support her then your friend needs to come back to her with such force that it will leave her MIL knowing exactly what her place is. Your friend is not being unreasonable her MIL is. God it makes me fume!

Mytimewillcome · 14/12/2012 08:54

Sorry just read that they had split up. So as your friend isn't going to be around she decides to make decisions about the baby. I hope her MIL and her son/husband (because that's what he is) will be very happy together and leave the mothering to the mother!

Tailtwister · 14/12/2012 08:56

10 weeks is far to young for a baby to be away from it's mother (unless it's unavoidable of course). The MIL needs to back off and your friend is right to refuse.

Mytimewillcome · 14/12/2012 09:09

She's a social worker?! Sounds like a crap one! I wonder what her colleagues would think if they heard what she wanted to do.

pigletmania · 14/12/2012 09:24

Omg your MIL is toxic and nasty. Yes go to a solicitor and call te police if she turns up, if she tries to snatch your baby tats abduction.

Mytimewillcome · 14/12/2012 09:27

Also say to your friend that if she allows this it won't just stop there. Once the MIL is allowed to do this she will think that she can take the baby whenever she wants.

flow4 · 14/12/2012 13:47

Just to emphasise that the baby has a right to see her father, not vice versa... 'Little and often' is generally considered best. A reasonable arrangement would be 1-2 hours 3 or 4 times a week. And a non-resident father of a 10 week old baby would reasonably be expected to come to the baby, not to take it away somewhere. Parental responsibility does not have any bearing on this situation: whatever the father's legal status, contact must always be in the interests of the child, not at the convenience or request of the parent. Taking a baby away from its mother to stay for 3 nights with a non-resident relatively unknown parents is NOT in the baby's interests. Seeing a solicitor is a good idea, because they can help make this very clear to the ExP and the exMiL.

YouOldTinsellySlag · 14/12/2012 14:38

Good advice flow

CabbageLeaves · 14/12/2012 15:56

Excellent point made Flow

choccychomp · 14/12/2012 16:11

The mil can take photos, send e-mails, use skype (disclaimer - I don't know how this works) she does not need to take the baby. At around 10 weeks I developed post natal depression so there's no way of knowing how mum/baby will feel in a few weeks' time!! Sorry to sound melodramatic but I would have felt like my baby had been kidnapped if someone had taken him/her for more than a couple of hours.

Also -will it really be just 3 days? Does that include travelling time, or will that be even more? What if it snows and flights get cancelled?

Well done for supporting your friend.

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