Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH smacked his friends wifes bum.

119 replies

Jelly15 · 09/12/2012 17:56

We were in a crowded pub last night and his friends wife pushed passed him on her way to the loo, he then smacked her firmly on her bum. I saw this and I was sitting a few tables away. I was fuming and I didn't want to make a scene and gave him a filthy look. Half an hour later we left.

I told him (shouted) I was shocked and upset. He apololgised but thinks I am over reacting. I told him it was completely inappropriate behaviour for a married man and I would have been upset if a male friend did that to me too. He replied, " It's only J for heavens sake."

I am sure as anyone can be that he wouldn't cheat on me but I think that flirty behaviour is wrong and I am upsest. Do you think I am being unreasonable about it?

OP posts:
shoppingbagsundereyes · 09/12/2012 17:58

It's sexist apart from anything else. I would be more concerned on that front than on the flirting front. I would be furious if any bloke slapped me on the bum in the pub,including my own husband

BuntysFestiveCollocks · 09/12/2012 17:58

Not something that would bother me personally, but everyone has their own limits.

MammaTJ · 09/12/2012 18:00

Wouldn't bother me at all.

TidyDancer · 09/12/2012 18:00

It really depends on the dynamic of the friendship I suppose. To some people this would be a huge deal, to others it would be nothing.

I have a very huggy relationship with my BIL (also one of my best friends) and DP has a female friend the same. If either of us did as you describe with them, it wouldn't be a big deal, it would just be silly and funny.

Pumpster · 09/12/2012 18:01

What did the friend's wife think?

WayneDeer · 09/12/2012 18:02

I don't think it sounds bad but it isn't my relationship

I think flirtation is hilarious and then home as normal but those are my rules.

It's not for me to say but if I behaved in this way it would e accepted as normal

ladyfirenze · 09/12/2012 18:02

aah you've lost the moral high ground... you're allowed to feel shocked and upset, but shouting about it won't help your situation, it just means your dp has to get all defensive and minimise what he did. If you can try a calmer approach (even though you want to go atomic, which I totally get) you'll get your point across better... good luck

SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 09/12/2012 18:02

OMG I would be mortified if DH slapped a woman on the arse like that.

The shame!

How did the woman react to being physically chastised like that by a male friend?

Most women I know would not be amused.

Is he normally a sexist, gropey twat?

Sounds like you two might be getting fewer invitations in future...

GhostShip · 09/12/2012 18:04

It's not only disrespectful to you but also the other woman. What the fuck was he thinking?

And LadyFirenze - give over. Women don't have to be all demure and not show anger, it's not losing the moral high ground at all.

LadyWidmerpool · 09/12/2012 18:06

Agree with GhostShip

LessMissAbs · 09/12/2012 18:07

I don't know, my feeling is that you sound awfully strict and a bit Victorian. It sounds like a laugh if neither party were offended.

GhostShip · 09/12/2012 18:08

Its not strict and victorian to not want your partner spanking another woman on the arse.

gettingeasier · 09/12/2012 18:09

I would have hated that too

SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 09/12/2012 18:10

Neither party?

What on earth does a man who goes around touching women's arses in crowded pubs have to be offended about?

Confused
sarahseashell · 09/12/2012 18:10

YANBU I wouldn't like it

defineme · 09/12/2012 18:13

It's not the kind of thing that happens in my social circle or my home. Sounds a bit grubby and sexist. Dh and I aren't flirty types either so in the unlikely event he'd done it I'd assume there was more to it- but I realise it probably means nothing in groups where sexist stuff or flirting is the norm.

Weissdorn · 09/12/2012 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 09/12/2012 18:15

Does depend on the friendship

I have friends who could do this to me and it would be fine. Others it would be way out of line

DH is always smacking my arse though

KenLeeeeeeeInnaSantaHat · 09/12/2012 18:15

Sleazy, sexist, nasty behaviour. I'd be horrified if DH did something like that to me or any other female. YANBU.

LynetteScavo · 09/12/2012 18:17

Wel, I really wouln't want my DH's freind to slap me on the bum.I may well slap him round the face.

It would be so out of character for DH that I would just be Shock at let it go as one of those things. If he were generally flirty, I wouldn't like it.

jendot · 09/12/2012 18:19

Wouldn't bother me at all.. Infact I am normally the one doing things like that Wink I tend to wink at random people in pubs and am very fond of my best mates husbands bum ( ohh it's just so perfect!)
I think as long as she was ok with it...I would be fine with it.

GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob · 09/12/2012 18:19

Wouldn't bother me at all, among close friends I am happy to be both the slapper and the slappee Grin

HairyGrotter · 09/12/2012 18:22

It would bother me, mainly because I am not a dog to be slapped or petted. I would be more concerned about how my partner viewed women if he behaved in such a manner

amillionyears · 09/12/2012 18:22

I personally wouldnt like it, and would tell my DH so afterwards at home.
He would know [having lived with me long enough, and knowing each other as well as we do, not to do it again].

ChocHobNob · 09/12/2012 18:22

I wouldn't be very happy if my husband smacked another woman on the backside. But we do smack each other on the backside a lot though and it is flirty behaviour for us, which is why I wouldn't like him to do it to other women. I don't see why it is sexist to smack your own partner on the bottom playfully though Confused

I would also not be happy if someone else smacked me on the backside.

Swipe left for the next trending thread