DH smacked his friends wifes bum.

[Jelly15]

We were in a crowded pub last night and his friends wife pushed passed him on her way to the loo, he then smacked her firmly on her bum. I saw this and I was sitting a few tables away. I was fuming and I didn't want to make a scene and gave him a filthy look. Half an hour later we left.

I told him (shouted) I was shocked and upset. He apololgised but thinks I am over reacting. I told him it was completely inappropriate behaviour for a married man and I would have been upset if a male friend did that to me too. He replied, " It's only J for heavens sake."

I am sure as anyone can be that he wouldn't cheat on me but I think that flirty behaviour is wrong and I am upsest. Do you think I am being unreasonable about it?

Sorry, but in my eyes YABU.
lol at "sexual assault".
For goodness sake! He knew you were there, presumably his friend was there.I call that playfulness between friends. Did she or her husband complain? Would there have been a scene if her husband did that to you?
If she was a complete stranger I might be a bit more but I personally think you are making a huge mountain out of a molehill.

This is the first chance I have had to get back on line this weekend. Thank you for your replies. DP once slapped another friends arse about twenty years ago and a big row followed. I have not seen any behaviour from him like this until now.

Both women just rolled their eyes in a dismissive way to DH and I don't think he is attracted to either woman but I feel his behaviour is disrespectfull to me and them.

Well to me it´s either intimate of aggressive.

Neither of which I would deem acceptable.

unacceptable in my book.

i wouldn't be happy if someone did this to me, nor my dh did it to someone.

I'm fascinated by the fact that the posters saying this is acceptable are not remotely concerned with how the slapped woman feels about having her arse.

Like it's just something she should have to put up with.

About having her arse touched by her husband's friend.

I smack my friends' arses (male and female) all the time.

I'm not sure if that helps or not.

diddl just said exactly what I was trying to say.

I would be pretty pissed off if anyone other than my husband slapped my arse.

If they rolled their eyes, they presumably aren't happy with this. So why does your DH do it?

It makes it worse that he has done it before, because he knows you aren't happy with it.

It makes no difference whether me, and the other people here, would cut our DH's hands off or encourage him to slap every arse he can. It's your relationship, and your friends. Your friend was not happy with him slapping her arse, your DH knows you don't like it, and yet he did it anyway.

The fact that she rolled her eyes rather than said anything rather suggests that he's known for this type of creepy behaviour, IMO.

My DH smacks my sisters bum all the time.

Doesn't bother me.

God, my sisters would floor my DH if he did that.

"My DH smacks my sisters bum all the time."

Presumably it doesn´t bother her either?

But why does he do it?

Can´t he just hug her instead??

Am I odd in thinking it´s an intimate thing to do?

Blimey. I know women round these parts in their 20s who regularly shove their male friends faces in their cleavage. Even the ones who aren't single. It seems to be what passes for playful these days.

Mind you, I work in the theatre, and all sorts of things go on there.

I was recently in a show where I had to have a load of women - of assorted ages - grab me, pull me on the floor and surround me. As the curtains closed, you saw a shirt go up, as if they had ripped it off me (they hadn't). Several of them took the opportunity throughout the run at this point to pinch my bum - the audience couldn't see it, but they felt it was "in character" to do so. I should obviously have them all arrested for sexual assault.

VoiceOfUnreason - with respect, your experience is very different to the OPs. For a start, more flirtatious behaviour goes on in the theatre than anywhere else.

Secondly, you are clearly all okay with that kind of behaviour.

It doesn't sound like the woman here was. And the OP definitely wasn't.

"I should obviously have them all arrested for sexual assault."

Not necessarily-but if you weren´t OK with it, & they didn´t need to do it-why wouldn´t you tell them not to?

Caja - ah, so it depends WHERE it takes place and in what setting as to whether it is acceptable or not? Why am I clearly OK with that behaviour? Based on the original posting, we didn't know whether the other woman had a problem or not.

I actually asked them NOT to do this but as the run progressed it started up again. I asked them to stop again and they did, but not without one or two of them saying "oh it's only fun". But had one of them done it again, I'd have had words, but I wouldn't be calling it a sexual assault.

"Mind you, I work in the theatre, and all sorts of things go on there."

That sounds horrible close to excusing stuff that shouldn´t be happening.

The point is, in my case, we're talking about people I barely know. In the original case, we're talking about friends who have known each other (presumably) for some time and know what boundaries there are. I have female friends who were flirty with me when they were single - but only in jest - and continued after they were married. Even in front of their husbands. No one batted an eyelid because it was never anything more.

There is a BIG difference between what is acceptable between friends and strangers and IF people don't mind it, then that is their choice and to basically say ANYONE who does this type of thing has a problem or is committing sexual assault is going way overboard. People are posting on here as if it is NEVER OK, which is nonsense.

In the OP's case, she didn't like it, she should have words and if the DH takes no heed of that, then that's a problem and I back her 100%. It's some of the follow-ups that I find bizarre.

"Several of them took the opportunity throughout the run at this point to pinch my bum - the audience couldn't see it, but they felt it was "in character" to do so. I should obviously have them all arrested for sexual assault."

That sounds very unpleasant.

I'm sure you don't feel able to make a complaint of sexual harassment, but that is certainly what it was.

diddl - I'm making no excuses. But I'd say more affairs go on in the theatre than in other work places. The close proximity of actors out on the road and being away from partners for weeks, often months on end, happens a heck of a lot. I am not saying this is right, of course, just an observation. These women I mentioned earlier who happily shove blokes' faces in their cleavage - no one bats an eyelid in the theatre but they damn well would in an office or school or middle of Tesco!

"we're talking about friends who have known each other (presumably) for some time and know what boundaries there are."

Sorry, but that doesn't follow.

People can be friends for a long time (do we even know how long this man has been friends with the husband of the woman he smacked?) and not understand boundaries.

Women, in particular, often feel under a lot of pressure not to complain about this kind of boundary crossing.

Because it is apparently "just a joke", women are not allowed to complain.

A lot of sexual assault goes on under the "it's only a bit if a laugh" cloak.

Sleigh - really? I know what the boundaries are with my friends.

I can understand why you're upset OP, especially if it's happened before.

My DH got drunk once and smacked my friend's arse. She gave him a proper telling off, and told me about it later. I was mortified, and so was he - he realised he'd been hugely inappropriate. He's never done anything like it again.

YANBU.

It is not a respectful act and it does have a sexual connotation.

Otherwise men would be happily slapping each others' bum firmly to show that they are friendly.