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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give this to dd for Christmas?

154 replies

We3bunniesOfOrientAre · 09/12/2012 11:33

I had bought something for the kitchen, the company sent the wrong item, I was going to send it back (all agreed with company). Now I have discovered that someone has taken it out of it's packet, I don't think I can return it now. The place that I put it is one where I think it unlikely that anyone other than dd1 did it - she is nearly 8 but prone to fiddling with things which aren't hers. Ds couldn't get it and dd2 wouldn't be likely to do it, it is also right by where she sits. It costs about 5 pounds. It will not be her only present, but is it unreasonable to tell her that as it is because she opened it, it will now become hers and she might have less other things as a result?

OP posts:
BigShinyBaubles · 09/12/2012 12:04

I just can't see the point of wrapping it up for her sorry.

All seems abit weird to me.

Confused
wonderingsoul · 09/12/2012 12:04

wouldnt even

icovetthee · 09/12/2012 12:06

I honestly can't get over how unreasonable and vindictive this post is coming across. Fine, tell her again but it's a fiver, not fifty quid. She's also 8 and you're her mother.

Just thoroughly unreasonable.

AngelGabrielWreakinHavoc · 09/12/2012 12:06

How bizzare you would even think of that.

She is a child and children fiddle with stuff.

My ds opened a big pot of yoghurt the other day which belonged to me, I wasnt ready to open it yet, maybe I should have saved it and put it in his stocking Xmas Confused

Kormachameleon · 09/12/2012 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
We3bunniesOfOrientAre · 09/12/2012 12:07

Five pounds is not an insignificant amount for us, we are not poor, but give up a lot so they can do things like ballet, piano, so there isn't loads left over at the end of the month. The original item (slotted fish spatula) is to replace the one which I have been using for years which is half melted. I don't need a fancy purple one, but thought it might be nice. My other Christmas presents are some wooden spoons and some scissors which are also broken. Plus dh will probably get a dress necklace or something.

OP posts:
Pantofino · 09/12/2012 12:08

Complete overreaction I think. Ask her if she opened it and remind her not to meddle with stuff that is not hers.

GhostShip · 09/12/2012 12:08

This is just getting stranger...

Floggingmolly · 09/12/2012 12:08

How would you feel, op, if whenever you accidentally broke something in the house your OH kept a running tally and deducted the value from whatever he intended to spend on your Christmas / Birthday presents?
Imagine the sinking feeling you'd get when the vacuum cleaner breathed it's last and you just knew what you'd be getting for Christmas that year?
She's 8.

kitbit · 09/12/2012 12:09

She's 8, fgs just talk to her Hmm

Totally unrelated to Xmas, and it would be very mean to make a point using her Xmas excitement and spoil Xmas gift giving.

Deal with it separately and don't be mean.

KellyMarieTunstall · 09/12/2012 12:09

I would never have thought about giving the item as a present but i can see where you are coming from.

It is only £5 but its not about the money is it? It could have been any item ,costing £100s belonging to anyone and she would still meddle with it.

It is still early enough before Christmas to introduce the idea of this item replacing one of her real presents without causing major trauma.

Sometimes painful lessons have to be learned and she is old enough to start learning self control.

Floggingmolly · 09/12/2012 12:10

Oh Dear God, ex posted. He already does Shock

TidyDancer · 09/12/2012 12:12

OMG what is wrong with you?! This is one of the weirdest posts I have ever seen.

You can't prove your DD opened a packet, and even if you could, in what realm would it be acceptable to connect this with Christmas?!

Just suck up the £5 loss and find another one to stop her from fiddling with stuff. IME, this is actually quite normal. Children do fiddle.

GhostShip · 09/12/2012 12:13

OP, I will send you £5 if it means you not making this effect your DD's christmas.

ShyWombat · 09/12/2012 12:15

Isn't giving her something that she's messed about with potentially a bit risky? What if there was a gift for another child on the table and she quite fancied owning said item? All she has to do is unpack it, mess with it and suddenly it's hers...

TidyDancer · 09/12/2012 12:15

What GhostShip said. I'll chip in.

BigShinyBaubles · 09/12/2012 12:18

Either my hangover is causing me to hallucinate or I am actually seeing what I'm reading...

Original poster
We3bunniesOfOrientAre · 09/12/2012 12:19

Dh has just got back and decided I have a high temperature and sent me to bed, still feel really upset about it though, I haven't spoken to her about it, but she could see that I was upset. Dh says not to worry about it.

OP posts:
HyvaPaiva · 09/12/2012 12:19

Sitting your DD down and explaining why it's important to respect others and their property is good. It seems weirdly passive aggressive to wrap a scraper as a gift. Just communicate with her to address her issues around 'fiddling' and pestering people. Wrapping up the 'problem' and gifting it makes no sense at all: when she tries to take her sister's easter eggs, would you gift her the chocolate too? No! It's both defeating the purpose and passive aggressive.

BendyBobsBrusselsSprouts · 09/12/2012 12:21

I don't understand Confused You're cross dd fiddled with something, so the punishment is that she gets it for Christmas..? Um..Confused

Aspiemum2 · 09/12/2012 12:21

Christmas is 2 weeks away! If you want to punish her then do (I probably would) but she's 8, you can't punish her 2 weeks later - children just don't work like that.

I'm not sure what your Christmas presents have to do with it or why you're mentioning the sacrifices you make - totally irrelevant.

She's prone to fiddling with stuff that isn't hers, that's fine - totally age appropriate. You want to teach her not to, also fine - I would to. But there's no need to demonise her and make yourself a martyr

Very confused as to what you are hoping to gain?

BerryChristmas · 09/12/2012 12:21

Why don't you all read the posts properly? OP's DD fiddles with lots of things that aren't hers, she pesters for Easter Eggs that aren't hers - OP wants to try and stop her.

Well I don't think you are overreacting at all. Ask her if she opened it, then wrap it up and tell her she's lost another present as a result.

Lesson, hopefully, learned.

Floggingmolly · 09/12/2012 12:21

Ah, bunnies, if you're coming down with something it's easy to get things a bit out of proportion. Take it easy and Happy Christmas Xmas Smile

TrinityRhino · 09/12/2012 12:24

decided you have a high temo and sent you to bed Hmm

hmm I think you must be feeling ill

chill out

BigShinyBaubles · 09/12/2012 12:25

Why couldn't you have talked to your DD the minute she got home, before you were 'sent to bed' if it is that important to you?
I totally understand you want her to realise that she can't go messing around with things that aren't hers but I do think your idea of wrapping it up is odd.
I've got a 10 and 8 year old DSs and if they touch anything that's not theirs I simply tell them hands off..it usually works.