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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave in the first set?

102 replies

FlojoHoHoHo · 07/12/2012 22:47

Currently stood in a crowded pub. Rare babysitter paid for. DP (or whatever I should call him) is acting odd. I'm in his local for first time. I put my arms around him and he pushed me away. I have the sneaky feeling his ex is here, I've only ever seen a fb photo but she looks familiar. AIBU to leave?

OP posts:

MagicHouse · 07/12/2012 22:48

Have you asked him what the matter is?

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 07/12/2012 22:48

Is this the same man you felt ditched you to go to the NEC with his son?

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/12/2012 22:49

YABU!

Stay,look lovely and enjoy yourself. You DP may well just feel nervous you'll get upset that she's there.

Original poster

FlojoHoHoHo · 07/12/2012 22:51

Yes same man. I asked him what's up and he said nowt. But I've had more reassurance of a cold fish!

OP posts:

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 07/12/2012 22:53

Op either he isn't that into you or you are really paranoid.

At the end of your last thread it seems to leaning towards the latter.

Original poster

FlojoHoHoHo · 07/12/2012 22:55

Yes ok so I'm insecure. But really? Pushing me literally away? When usually he's quite touchy feel

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/12/2012 23:04

OP - not many blokes over the age of 15 would snog the face off their new girlfriend in front of their ex. It's just not done.

Chill out a bit and enjoy the evening. Drag him outside for a reassuring(read: make it seem romantic) kiss if you want. Don't flip out and cause a scene. Just imagine how much his ex would enjoy seeing it.

mrskeithrichards · 07/12/2012 23:06

Get off your phone

LynetteScavo · 07/12/2012 23:11

Get off your phone, stop claiming him, and look happy and normal.

You're probably home by now, though.

TinyDancingHoofer · 07/12/2012 23:12

Not everyone hates their ex and wants to flaunt new parter. He may just be trying to respect ex's feelings. Not give her friends anything to talk about or make her feel bad? Stay and see what happens, i'm sure he'll relax a bit.

TheSecondComing · 07/12/2012 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/12/2012 23:16

Seriously OP,don't throw a fit about it. He's probably tense because he doesn't want to upset his ex (why would a normal person want to?) or upset you. If you relaxe he will too,and then he will be grateful you took it in your stride.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/12/2012 23:19

TSC I'd be mentally pissing all over my DP if his ex was in the same venue as we were! But externally I'd be the personification of sweetness and light. Because it's the adult way and would really piss her off

ChocolateTeacup · 07/12/2012 23:19

By the sounds of previous threads, You need someone who is totally devoted and who thinks you are the centre of their world, you will not be happy in your current mindset until you have this.

Either A. Calm down enjoy yourself and quit with the clingy needy damsel act and accept less Public Displays of Affection. Or B. Find someone who will love you like a goddess and treat you like a princess,

Original poster

FlojoHoHoHo · 08/12/2012 01:10

I don't want to be the centre of someone's universe, I just find it a bit off that he physically pushed me away when I casually hung my arm over him (before I realised his ex was stood 3 ft away) and yes it turns out it was his ex. The one that got away. And it turns out I'm second choice and when things nose dived and I suggested such a thing his reassuring words were "its not relevant, she doesn't want me so it doesn't matter" (inside I was screaming, well it matters to me!) btw I wouldn't snog his face in public, that's just gross!

OP posts:

CoolaYuleA · 08/12/2012 01:22

If that is what he is saying then why are you with him? I would NEVER be anyone's second choice, and if it was even hinted at I'd be out of there like a rat up a drainpipe.

This totally changes the game.

He's said this to you, and you stayed. He's done this tonight - and you stayed. I would have walked. No scene, just a quiet "if you don't want to be seen with me, then you don't have to be, goodbye." in his ear and a very dignified, head held high walk to the door, with a genuine, confident smile tossed the way of his ex.

CoolaYuleA · 08/12/2012 01:24

He treats you as second choice because you let him.

Don't. If he doesn't want you as first choice, then he doesn't get you at all.

Not4turning · 08/12/2012 01:52

Remember if he is taken, he was never yours to start with!

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 08/12/2012 01:52

tbh if i was out with my partner and they pushed me away from them i wouldn't even ask what was wrong with them. unless he is recovering from some injury and you were hurting him he is being a dick. i'd LTB and he could leave his excuse in a voicemail. i'd then decide whether i wanted to give him the chance to do it again.

misterwife · 08/12/2012 01:54

"She doesn't want me so it doesn't matter".

And if she did, it would?

No, that's not a good situation to be in with a partner. I hang out around DW's exes quite a lot and there's never a problem if I put an arm around her. So what's his issue? I mean, clearly too much PDAing is gross and anything more than an arm is probably a step over the line, but I think YANBU in this instance.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 08/12/2012 02:04

OP life is too fucking short to be spending it with someone who treats you like this.

i've been in relationships were i tolerated lots of little things that were VERY LOUD WARNINGS that i wasn't as important to him as i deserved to be in a relationship. i look back now and wonder why i was such a mug for so long. too many nights wasted crying because he did this or didn't do that. end your misery now, go out and find yourself someone bloody amazing who thinks you are too.

CaliforniaSucksSnowballs · 08/12/2012 04:20

Well if she doesn't want him and I was second best, I'd tell him I don't want him either, he sounds like a total jerk, and really not into you. He's just biding his time till she wants him back.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 08/12/2012 07:35

OP is this how it happened?

The thread is going similar to your last one. You telling everyone how he isn't very nice to you and all the things he does that you read to mean he doesn't really want to be with you. He was ignoring your texts etc.
By the end of it, it seems a big misunderstanding and you kept telling everyone how lovely he actually was.

Its genuinely difficult to tell whether he just isn't in to you or you are misinterpreting things.

I think you need a proper talk. When you are both calm and talk about your relationship.

Original poster

FlojoHoHoHo · 08/12/2012 07:45

Arghh so much conflicting advice, first I was told I'm being paranoid and over sensitive and should relax and enjoy. So I stayed til the end and when things didn't improve I dealt with it head on in the car on the way home. And now I'm told I should have left the pub! Unfortunately I got upset (what happened to the head held high bit?) and said 'tell me I'm being silly and paranoid, and u pushed me cos u felt embarrassed in front of your mates not because u want your ex'...silence. At that point I put my foot down and dropped him off..... and said I'll see u tomorrow

OP posts:

Original poster

FlojoHoHoHo · 08/12/2012 07:48

brady it could quite possibly end that way, couldn't it. And I could carry on being a doormat because it beats being lonely, because no one should be alone at xmas, or new yr, or valentines and so it continues.

OP posts:

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